Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Chapter Uno, part Dos."Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
52 total reviews
Comment from dweigt
Great work. Just noticed one tiny thing, a missing closing quote on:
"I'll be out in a few minutes. I want to check with Grandfather.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2016
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Great work. Just noticed one tiny thing, a missing closing quote on:
"I'll be out in a few minutes. I want to check with Grandfather.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2016
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Thank you for your generous review. Will fix that.
Comment from Eric1
Hi again barbara, I still seem to have read a chapter ourt of sequence where Jim and Soni were in a cabin and the rain poured down, but this is the follow up of my first chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2015
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Hi again barbara, I still seem to have read a chapter ourt of sequence where Jim and Soni were in a cabin and the rain poured down, but this is the follow up of my first chapter.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2015
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Thank you for the kind review. It happens to me too.
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You are very welcome Barbara.
Comment from L.M.Mullins
Excellent chapter. Reads very well. I did not have to back up and re-read at all. You dialogue reads smoothly. I remember birthing a calf on my grandfathers dairy farm when I was 12. Messy job.
LM
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2014
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Excellent chapter. Reads very well. I did not have to back up and re-read at all. You dialogue reads smoothly. I remember birthing a calf on my grandfathers dairy farm when I was 12. Messy job.
LM
Comment Written 22-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2014
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Thank you for your time and support.
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
This is another good introductory chapter. You use strong dialog to help build the back story and show more about the characters
I felt there was a bit too much information about the land development meeting. The way you talk about the issues make the Rockin' A ranch seem much larger than it is supposed to be. For example it is about 300 mile from the small ranches location to Corpus Christi. Any wind-turbines installed near Corpus Christi would be far away. Even the wind farm at Fort Stockton is 200 miles away.
It might be possible that the Rockin' A ranch would be close enough to San Antonio to be included in plans for a shopping mall, but always keep in mind that this is quite a small ranch by Texas standards. Keep its size and power in perspective.
Good writing as usual.More Irish Hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Hi Barbara:)
This is another good introductory chapter. You use strong dialog to help build the back story and show more about the characters
I felt there was a bit too much information about the land development meeting. The way you talk about the issues make the Rockin' A ranch seem much larger than it is supposed to be. For example it is about 300 mile from the small ranches location to Corpus Christi. Any wind-turbines installed near Corpus Christi would be far away. Even the wind farm at Fort Stockton is 200 miles away.
It might be possible that the Rockin' A ranch would be close enough to San Antonio to be included in plans for a shopping mall, but always keep in mind that this is quite a small ranch by Texas standards. Keep its size and power in perspective.
Good writing as usual.More Irish Hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 16-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review. I expanded the size of the ranch from my initial notes. I am hoping I got it right now.
Comment from djsaxon
Excellent. Six pack offered with no reservation. The fast paced narrative is supported with strong believable dialogue between the protagonists. Always clear and always drives the story forward. Godd page turner. Cheers - DJ
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014
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Excellent. Six pack offered with no reservation. The fast paced narrative is supported with strong believable dialogue between the protagonists. Always clear and always drives the story forward. Godd page turner. Cheers - DJ
Comment Written 10-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this encouraging review.
Comment from Laura everly
This is a well written story for the reader. It keeps a reader's interest throughout and there are many educational items throughout this story. It is well done.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014
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This is a well written story for the reader. It keeps a reader's interest throughout and there are many educational items throughout this story. It is well done.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Hi Barb,
This was a nice chapter. It was a little slower paced, but that was good. It allowed the reader to absorb and process new information. You revealed some interesting, but necessary, back story through excellent dialogue. The dialogue between characters was very believable. At this early point, it is already clear the characters are comfortable with each other; in both words and actions. You have clearly established Soni as the boss, and the ranch hands respect her.
I came across a few items you might want to take a look at.
- Soni, Alex[,] and her two Great Pyrenees, Goliath and his son Mack[,] followed her to the den. Add commas where indicated.
-'Senor grumpy pants' is used as a proper noun, and all words need to be capitalized.
-"Your mom was very strong-willed . . . ." No hyphen needed. A hyphen is not called for when the compound modifier follows the noun it describes.
-". . . The wind turbine company wanted me to . . . ." This is the opposite of the above. A hyphen is needed between wind and turbine. You do use a hyphen in the compound modifier when it comes before the noun it describes. An exception to the rule - don't use a hyphen if one of the modifiers ends with a ly.
-"I want Mom and Dad to be proud of whom I've become." The way you wrote this particular sentence calls for the pronoun to be nominative, and therefore, needs to be changed to 'who.' If it called for the pronoun to be objective then it would be correct the way you have it.
-"I said to them I'd think about . . . ." The way this is written implies you are going to use a quote. Replace the words 'said to' with the word, 'told,' and the quote issue is removed.
-"The ranch hands who work the area complain about the noise[,] too." Add comma where indicated.
-She smiled as the two[,] large[,] hairy[,] white dogs stood to greet her. Add three commas where indicated. Separate all adjectives, except the one immediately before the noun, that describe the same noun with commas.
-"Texas needs rain[,] bad." Add comma where indicated.
-". . . Grandfather could help in that department[,] too?" Add comma where indicated.
-". . . the sun can heat water and cause energy." The word, 'create' might be a better word choice than 'cause.'
-"I reminded them that this is Texas[,] and we're in a drought[,] so I doubt there'll be enough water to heat." Add commas where indicated.
-". . . patrol the interstate[,] even if it does go through our ranch." Add comma where indicated.
-"You boys need to stay," she motioned her hand in the stay position. This reads awkward. Perhaps if it were reworded slightly - she gave the signal to stay.
-"I've watched Dad do this[,] but I've never pulled out a foal myself." Add comma where indicated.
-". . . I've never pulled out a foal myself." As an ol' farm girl who helped many calves, foals, puppies, and kittens into this world, this part reads very awkward to me. It sounds as though you are pulling weeds from the garden. It might sound better with something like, 'but I've never helped deliver a foal all by myself.'
Again, this was a nice chapter. You're laying a solid foundation for things to come.
Suzanne
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014
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Hi Barb,
This was a nice chapter. It was a little slower paced, but that was good. It allowed the reader to absorb and process new information. You revealed some interesting, but necessary, back story through excellent dialogue. The dialogue between characters was very believable. At this early point, it is already clear the characters are comfortable with each other; in both words and actions. You have clearly established Soni as the boss, and the ranch hands respect her.
I came across a few items you might want to take a look at.
- Soni, Alex[,] and her two Great Pyrenees, Goliath and his son Mack[,] followed her to the den. Add commas where indicated.
-'Senor grumpy pants' is used as a proper noun, and all words need to be capitalized.
-"Your mom was very strong-willed . . . ." No hyphen needed. A hyphen is not called for when the compound modifier follows the noun it describes.
-". . . The wind turbine company wanted me to . . . ." This is the opposite of the above. A hyphen is needed between wind and turbine. You do use a hyphen in the compound modifier when it comes before the noun it describes. An exception to the rule - don't use a hyphen if one of the modifiers ends with a ly.
-"I want Mom and Dad to be proud of whom I've become." The way you wrote this particular sentence calls for the pronoun to be nominative, and therefore, needs to be changed to 'who.' If it called for the pronoun to be objective then it would be correct the way you have it.
-"I said to them I'd think about . . . ." The way this is written implies you are going to use a quote. Replace the words 'said to' with the word, 'told,' and the quote issue is removed.
-"The ranch hands who work the area complain about the noise[,] too." Add comma where indicated.
-She smiled as the two[,] large[,] hairy[,] white dogs stood to greet her. Add three commas where indicated. Separate all adjectives, except the one immediately before the noun, that describe the same noun with commas.
-"Texas needs rain[,] bad." Add comma where indicated.
-". . . Grandfather could help in that department[,] too?" Add comma where indicated.
-". . . the sun can heat water and cause energy." The word, 'create' might be a better word choice than 'cause.'
-"I reminded them that this is Texas[,] and we're in a drought[,] so I doubt there'll be enough water to heat." Add commas where indicated.
-". . . patrol the interstate[,] even if it does go through our ranch." Add comma where indicated.
-"You boys need to stay," she motioned her hand in the stay position. This reads awkward. Perhaps if it were reworded slightly - she gave the signal to stay.
-"I've watched Dad do this[,] but I've never pulled out a foal myself." Add comma where indicated.
-". . . I've never pulled out a foal myself." As an ol' farm girl who helped many calves, foals, puppies, and kittens into this world, this part reads very awkward to me. It sounds as though you are pulling weeds from the garden. It might sound better with something like, 'but I've never helped deliver a foal all by myself.'
Again, this was a nice chapter. You're laying a solid foundation for things to come.
Suzanne
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this helpful review. I have made the changes, comma are my wild card.
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You are very welcome. Glad to help.
Comment from James Dooney
That is an interesting work you have given us here. I like how the story develops to the end. Well done here and keeo up the good work !
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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That is an interesting work you have given us here. I like how the story develops to the end. Well done here and keeo up the good work !
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from BlueFlag
it already has 2 ribbons a mark of greatness
and is a very good read and well versed
and worthy of my 5 star review
So good luck with this 1 more ribbon to get is Quality seal
good luck
and good day...
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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it already has 2 ribbons a mark of greatness
and is a very good read and well versed
and worthy of my 5 star review
So good luck with this 1 more ribbon to get is Quality seal
good luck
and good day...
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
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your welcome thanks for the read
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This sounds like a great start to a story. I need to back up and read chapter one. I missed it somehow. We have a few wind turbines around--I've never noticed the noise. I35--definitely the drug corridor. I live seven miles from it. Great start on this~Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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This sounds like a great start to a story. I need to back up and read chapter one. I missed it somehow. We have a few wind turbines around--I've never noticed the noise. I35--definitely the drug corridor. I live seven miles from it. Great start on this~Debbie
Comment Written 09-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2014
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
