A Reason Found...
fictional contest entry17 total reviews
Comment from reconciled
Hey Greg...-smile- How are you friend...? someone I care for just tried to leave...I know she wants to stay, but its hard to hurt all the time... they give you pills to blanket the pain...but you have to keep eating more and more to keep ahead of it...its torture. Hope you wrote this a while back Greg....love michael
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Hey Greg...-smile- How are you friend...? someone I care for just tried to leave...I know she wants to stay, but its hard to hurt all the time... they give you pills to blanket the pain...but you have to keep eating more and more to keep ahead of it...its torture. Hope you wrote this a while back Greg....love michael
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Hey my friend. How are you. I hope your friend is okay? There is so much sadness in thus world. I hate it. I just shared my story in "This is Me" as you know. I wish I could make everyone's pain go away. People just need to know that they are not alone. God bless you man.
Comment from kiwijenny
What a powerful answer to the fifty word story prompt ....well written...it said a lifetime-full in such a short space...oh what we do for our kids
Well done
God bless
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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What a powerful answer to the fifty word story prompt ....well written...it said a lifetime-full in such a short space...oh what we do for our kids
Well done
God bless
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you Jenny! I'm glad you liked it. It was a tricky challenge.
Comment from IndianaIrish
Rating increased after edit.
What a moving story for the contest, Greg. I feel his sadness of his heart. I do have a couple of suggestions. Weary and exhausted mean the same thing, and you have them connected by 'but' which suggests you mean the two words are different. The second sentence is written in past tense and tour story is mostly in present tense. Also, that sentence is confusing.,who is she? The last line should be will instead of would, which is past tense. Also, and it's a huge also...your story is not fifty words, and they will disqualify it. Please count with your eyes nod don't rely on a word counter.
Let me know if you change, and I will up your rating.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2014
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Rating increased after edit.
What a moving story for the contest, Greg. I feel his sadness of his heart. I do have a couple of suggestions. Weary and exhausted mean the same thing, and you have them connected by 'but' which suggests you mean the two words are different. The second sentence is written in past tense and tour story is mostly in present tense. Also, that sentence is confusing.,who is she? The last line should be will instead of would, which is past tense. Also, and it's a huge also...your story is not fifty words, and they will disqualify it. Please count with your eyes nod don't rely on a word counter.
Let me know if you change, and I will up your rating.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2014
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Thanks Karyn! Hmm I can't see how it's grammatically incorrect. The "she" is left open for the reader to decide, his wife, mistress, etc. he's weary as in he's afraid to do it but at the same time he's too exhausted to fight any longer. I thought I counted fifty. Can you help me with this please? I want to make sure it's correct. You're the best.
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Greg,
With the changes you made, it's now fifty words! I like it better that you eliminated the "but" between weary and exhausted and made weary and exhausted separate sentences, but I still think they are the same emotions. I don't understand weary as afraid...I understand weary as exhausted. Am I out in left field picking Daisys? lol The only other suggestion I have is your last line is still past tense and your story is present tense. Would is past tense, so it needs to be changed to will... The note will never be read.
Thanks for letting me explain my thoughts.,best wishes.
Karyn : )
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But isn't the last line separate? Like it is a summarizing conclusion. Or do I have to change it?
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I guess it's just a personal opinion that it sounds better to my ear to keep it all in present tense. But it works as you have it. :-)
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You're great. Thank you. I changed weary as well, thank you! You were right. I changed it all just a bit. Maybe it's better?
This was just an interesting and quick challenge so I love your feedback and guidance.
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Yes, hesitant is way better!! ;-)
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Yay!
Comment from Sam Mendonca
Very well written within only 50 words. You gave the heart of the story with great descriptive wording.
Perfect graphics for the story line.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Very well written within only 50 words. You gave the heart of the story with great descriptive wording.
Perfect graphics for the story line.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you Sam! It's been a while, I've been away. I explained it in "Please Read...this is me". I'll be back again soon though in full force. How's your writing? The children's' literature? How is that coming.
Comment from Andrewajgblue
My goodness that was a bit heart stopping ! thank goodness the child came in, it's such an affective short story, I really admire your talent for building such tension so quickly, very easy writing, well done and good luck in the contest,
Andrew
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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My goodness that was a bit heart stopping ! thank goodness the child came in, it's such an affective short story, I really admire your talent for building such tension so quickly, very easy writing, well done and good luck in the contest,
Andrew
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you Andrew! I'm glad it came across right! Really thank you.
Comment from adewpearl
You convey this broken-hearted man's emotions well. I like the contrast between his total lack of spirit and the way he feels after his child reminds him that he indeed still does have something to live for.
Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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You convey this broken-hearted man's emotions well. I like the contrast between his total lack of spirit and the way he feels after his child reminds him that he indeed still does have something to live for.
Brooke
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Hi Brooke, thank you. I love when I see your name. I haven't written a story in a while so I thought I'd start small with thus challenge. I hope it came across well. Thank you so much.
Comment from Genya
A good story in 50 words even though a sad one. Couldn't quite work out why the child giggled...sorry. Only one little mistake think you meant taut and not taught. I enjoyed this though, very well done. Genya
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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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A good story in 50 words even though a sad one. Couldn't quite work out why the child giggled...sorry. Only one little mistake think you meant taut and not taught. I enjoyed this though, very well done. Genya
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Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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You're right. I caught that too. Thank you! The giggle was just an obscure instance where he realized he had more to live for. Thank you again!
Comment from Spitfire
A wonderful entry, Greg. Your posts are few but when they appear, they say something. One SPAG: rope hangs taught-- should be spelled "taut" .
Saved by a child's giggle. Makes sense to me. Hope all is well with you, handsome.
Hugs,
Shari
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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014
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A wonderful entry, Greg. Your posts are few but when they appear, they say something. One SPAG: rope hangs taught-- should be spelled "taut" .
Saved by a child's giggle. Makes sense to me. Hope all is well with you, handsome.
Hugs,
Shari
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much for that catch! I didn't even see it. I'll be back writing more frequently soon. And reading. I honestly miss reading and reviewing more. Soon enough though. Just gotta get to the light. I'm close though. Feeling much better. Thank you so much for reading. I know it's dark but it has some good in it too!
