A Reason Found...
fictional contest entry17 total reviews
Comment from 9999pool
In life we live not just for ourselves alone because we have responsibilities and commitments to those we loved especially our children.
A moment of madness and a suicide note cannot solve any problem, but will cut deep into their hearts for failing to save us from a terrible sin.
Let the giggles of the children's voices remind us that we have to live for them too.
A sad and touching story with a great ending, smiles.
Best wishes.
Cheerio, bro Ritchie. :))
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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In life we live not just for ourselves alone because we have responsibilities and commitments to those we loved especially our children.
A moment of madness and a suicide note cannot solve any problem, but will cut deep into their hearts for failing to save us from a terrible sin.
Let the giggles of the children's voices remind us that we have to live for them too.
A sad and touching story with a great ending, smiles.
Best wishes.
Cheerio, bro Ritchie. :))
Comment Written 26-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you Ritchie. I wanted to take a stab at this challenge. You got it perfectly. Thank you. I completely agree. Hope. :) you're great
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It is good to take a challenging stab at life too, smiles.
Have a great week and week en.
Cheerio, best, Ritchie. :))
Comment from visionary1234
getting there ... consider:
The crisp page reads "Iā??m sorry." (in italics?)
A rope hangs taut from dusty attic rafters.
He's hesitates, exhausted. If only she knew his heart, perhaps he'd fight again.
He stands on the chair. Just one more step.(Just one more step, also in italics, he's thinking it???)
A child's giggle drifts into the room.
That note would never be read.
don't like "He steps a foot off the stool" - a bit clumsy? He's ready. One foot raised/poised for the final step."
No one would ever read the note. (Active voice better than passive)?
:)S
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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getting there ... consider:
The crisp page reads "Iā??m sorry." (in italics?)
A rope hangs taut from dusty attic rafters.
He's hesitates, exhausted. If only she knew his heart, perhaps he'd fight again.
He stands on the chair. Just one more step.(Just one more step, also in italics, he's thinking it???)
A child's giggle drifts into the room.
That note would never be read.
don't like "He steps a foot off the stool" - a bit clumsy? He's ready. One foot raised/poised for the final step."
No one would ever read the note. (Active voice better than passive)?
:)S
Comment Written 25-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2014
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Thanks! How's it look now?
Comment from vfbryant
Love the crumpled paper you used as your illustration. I thought this was a unique little glimpse, and very effective. I think it takes a lot to craft something so pithy. Good job.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Love the crumpled paper you used as your illustration. I thought this was a unique little glimpse, and very effective. I think it takes a lot to craft something so pithy. Good job.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you. I'm so grateful you read this.
Comment from ravenblack
The note would never be read- an excellent line suggesting both the futility of the rope as well as it never happening. There is always a reason to go on...And none better than kids though I am not sure if the giggle is an actual kid or a memory of the inner child.I like the ambiguity.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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The note would never be read- an excellent line suggesting both the futility of the rope as well as it never happening. There is always a reason to go on...And none better than kids though I am not sure if the giggle is an actual kid or a memory of the inner child.I like the ambiguity.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Yes I love how you think. Ha, you know I left it that way on purpose, same with the "woman" in it. Thought I'd take a stab at this challenge. Thank you!
Comment from crowdog110
Very good! Strong emotional story utilizing just a few words. Very understandable and relatable(/) by the reader. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Very good! Strong emotional story utilizing just a few words. Very understandable and relatable(/) by the reader. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you so much. Truly thank you.
Comment from joann r romei
Wow, this was dramatic, and this really happens, sometimes not this way unfortunately. No errors noted in this short peice, More like this please.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Wow, this was dramatic, and this really happens, sometimes not this way unfortunately. No errors noted in this short peice, More like this please.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you Joann that means a lot. I'm glad you liked it!
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Absolutely wonderful. Strong content. "weary but exhausted
seems to say the same and it threw me off. But I would still give it a 6 if I had it. Very well done
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Absolutely wonderful. Strong content. "weary but exhausted
seems to say the same and it threw me off. But I would still give it a 6 if I had it. Very well done
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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You're right Barb, I changed it a bit. I meant it differently but it was confusing. Hopefully it's better now!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
There is always a reason to live for, it's finding it, and to do that you have to live. Excellent 50 word story! Good luck. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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There is always a reason to live for, it's finding it, and to do that you have to live. Excellent 50 word story! Good luck. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 24-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you Sandra. I completely agree.
Comment from l.raven
HI Greg, the is a haunting write...the sounds of a child's voice...makes all the difference...a reason to live...and they truly are...very well thought of...and very well written...I am so sorry I ran out of sixes early this week...I hate that...******...a wonderful write you...Love ya Linda xxooLuff
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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HI Greg, the is a haunting write...the sounds of a child's voice...makes all the difference...a reason to live...and they truly are...very well thought of...and very well written...I am so sorry I ran out of sixes early this week...I hate that...******...a wonderful write you...Love ya Linda xxooLuff
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you Linda love ya too. Really. Thank you for reading this and for the virtual six! ;)
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you are always sooooo welcome....your a sweetie....Love luff xxoo
Comment from Carole Rosa
Gregory, Extremely sad, but the story is told well in fifty words. You got the beginning and ending of the plot, clearly stated in only fifty words. Nicely done. Carole
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Gregory, Extremely sad, but the story is told well in fifty words. You got the beginning and ending of the plot, clearly stated in only fifty words. Nicely done. Carole
Comment Written 23-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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Thank you Carole I'm glad it translated well. Thank you!
