If I Can't Make the Shot
a swap quatrain133 total reviews
Comment from Leineco
Hey. . .I think I'm beginning to get this form!! Thanks for doing it again. . .the door opened a little wider :-)
I like this message of positive thinking and digging in :-)
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
  |
Hey. . .I think I'm beginning to get this form!! Thanks for doing it again. . .the door opened a little wider :-)
I like this message of positive thinking and digging in :-)
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
-
Thanks so much, Leineco :-) I do hope you write one. Brooke
Comment from Charlene0513
To adewpearl,
A very young and defiant little guy that is determined and with much gusto to fight to the bitter end to make his way in life.
Filled with enjambments and many proximate rhyming statements
With consistency with the AABB scheme.
Charlene
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
|
To adewpearl,
A very young and defiant little guy that is determined and with much gusto to fight to the bitter end to make his way in life.
Filled with enjambments and many proximate rhyming statements
With consistency with the AABB scheme.
Charlene
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
-
Charlene, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from LIJ Red
Well written, and excellent. Yet how easy it is for parents
to ask too much, to push too hard at little league, etc.
We can't all be hotshot jocks on top of the pyramid. Most people can see that. But some few...
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
|
Well written, and excellent. Yet how easy it is for parents
to ask too much, to push too hard at little league, etc.
We can't all be hotshot jocks on top of the pyramid. Most people can see that. But some few...
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
-
Thank you so much, LIJ, for your thoughtful review. My daughter was on a swim team when she was little, and it was horrible to hear the father of the best kid on the team berate his son after almost every race. Even if the kid won, which he usually did, he didn't win by enough strokes. Brooke
Comment from Amsterdam
Sorry, ran out of six
I am sorry my SIS
If~ I have offended in any way
I'll tell you this
I have completed my lists
and I will throw the bucket anyway
if it makes those eyes brighter
I will ignite a lighter
and at night I will always pray
Am
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
|
Sorry, ran out of six
I am sorry my SIS
If~ I have offended in any way
I'll tell you this
I have completed my lists
and I will throw the bucket anyway
if it makes those eyes brighter
I will ignite a lighter
and at night I will always pray
Am
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
-
Am, thanks so much. You have not offended me :-) Brooke
Comment from Tegan1311
A wonderful poem. Your words flow well, your message clear and easy to understand. Your descriptions are wonderful. I love picturing them :)
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
|
A wonderful poem. Your words flow well, your message clear and easy to understand. Your descriptions are wonderful. I love picturing them :)
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
-
Thank you, Tegan, for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from flylikeaneagle
26 June 2014
Adewpearl: I love to give you six stars since you are amazing at thoughts and words. This child should be teaching older children the "if - then" concepts to keep on dreaming, trying and thirsting after life. There is always a way. I like the rhyming beat of this poem. Maybe, group four can be a "If I can't win the game," to keep the "If I can't" repeated. I like how you flipped the sentences in the first and last lines. Excellent!!!
flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
|
26 June 2014
Adewpearl: I love to give you six stars since you are amazing at thoughts and words. This child should be teaching older children the "if - then" concepts to keep on dreaming, trying and thirsting after life. There is always a way. I like the rhyming beat of this poem. Maybe, group four can be a "If I can't win the game," to keep the "If I can't" repeated. I like how you flipped the sentences in the first and last lines. Excellent!!!
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
-
Thank you so much, flylikeaneagle, for your encouraging comments :-) Brooke
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello Brooke,
Ah, this piece speaks of consistency and resolve. Both important components in a satisfying life. I liked the alliteration of, "bubble's burst" and the projection of the idea that a person can make a better life if he wants to, badly enough. Your solid rhyme and meter make for an excellent read... best wishes, Bill
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
|
Hello Brooke,
Ah, this piece speaks of consistency and resolve. Both important components in a satisfying life. I liked the alliteration of, "bubble's burst" and the projection of the idea that a person can make a better life if he wants to, badly enough. Your solid rhyme and meter make for an excellent read... best wishes, Bill
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
-
Thanks so much, Bill :-) Brooke
Comment from ravenblack
Or just give Sawyer another six feet or Air Jordan's soled with flubber Lol. Seriously, a great teaching poem for him- though times get tough, never give up.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
|
Or just give Sawyer another six feet or Air Jordan's soled with flubber Lol. Seriously, a great teaching poem for him- though times get tough, never give up.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
-
ravenblack, I forgot all about flubber when writing the poem. LOL Thanks so much :-) Brooke
-
Glad you got the reference. I almost added the paranthetical ( The Nutty Professor).
Comment from nomi338
This is a beautiful way to encourage someone to keep trying and to not accept defeat. I find that most of your poems really teach children how to approach life in a positive manner. This makes your gift all the more rewarding.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
|
This is a beautiful way to encourage someone to keep trying and to not accept defeat. I find that most of your poems really teach children how to approach life in a positive manner. This makes your gift all the more rewarding.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
-
nomi, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from krys123
Brooke, The picture of Sawyer is darling as he standing on his tippy toes as he goes for the rebound. Your piece of poetry was very clear in its setting and imagery that was artistically expressive and a vision that is brilliantly descriptive. Your writing was neither forced nor labored And your rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem. You had both internal and exterior rhyming that played a role in your rhythm very much so. Throughout the poem there was a constant need for trying harder and being able to solve problems and create solutions to the problems at hand.
Thank you for sharing and posting this for everyone and may all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
|
Brooke, The picture of Sawyer is darling as he standing on his tippy toes as he goes for the rebound. Your piece of poetry was very clear in its setting and imagery that was artistically expressive and a vision that is brilliantly descriptive. Your writing was neither forced nor labored And your rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem. You had both internal and exterior rhyming that played a role in your rhythm very much so. Throughout the poem there was a constant need for trying harder and being able to solve problems and create solutions to the problems at hand.
Thank you for sharing and posting this for everyone and may all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
-
Thanks so much, Alex, for your attention to detail and gracious review :-) Brooke
-
You are so sincerely welcome Brooke.
Alex
