If I Can't Make the Shot
a swap quatrain133 total reviews
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Brooke,
A six is merited, I think for the message, an expansion, on "try, try and try again" I think. Far too many give up without really trying.
Patrick
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Hi Brooke,
A six is merited, I think for the message, an expansion, on "try, try and try again" I think. Far too many give up without really trying.
Patrick
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Thanks so very much, Patrick :-) Brooke
Comment from DanielEkine
The last verse is remarkable. In the gloom of Gungalo's passing, this poem puts a little smile on my face. Great job. If we can't make it, there is always a way out. We'll tip-toe. Good execution of SPAG command. A perfect artwork. Definitely, your muse.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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The last verse is remarkable. In the gloom of Gungalo's passing, this poem puts a little smile on my face. Great job. If we can't make it, there is always a way out. We'll tip-toe. Good execution of SPAG command. A perfect artwork. Definitely, your muse.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Daniel, for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from me_tudor
This is another really great poem, Brooke. I think you need to send it to a children's publisher. This would make a fantastic children's book. I can see pictures in my head that would go perfect with the words. Another Great job!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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This is another really great poem, Brooke. I think you need to send it to a children's publisher. This would make a fantastic children's book. I can see pictures in my head that would go perfect with the words. Another Great job!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Thank you, me_tudor, for your thoughtful reviews today :-) Brooke
Comment from Kingsland
This is a very cute poem that makes me remember my two sons when they were very young. My oldest, Kain and I were playing catch with a football. Well, he caught one with his face, ouch. He ran in the house. So I went to doing other things outside. When I felt this thump to the back of my head. Mt son threw a football and hit me in the back of my head, as I watched him walk back into the house. I just had to laugh. The good thing was that he was never scared of catching a ball after that happened. I enjoyed reading your well written piece of poetic art... john
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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This is a very cute poem that makes me remember my two sons when they were very young. My oldest, Kain and I were playing catch with a football. Well, he caught one with his face, ouch. He ran in the house. So I went to doing other things outside. When I felt this thump to the back of my head. Mt son threw a football and hit me in the back of my head, as I watched him walk back into the house. I just had to laugh. The good thing was that he was never scared of catching a ball after that happened. I enjoyed reading your well written piece of poetic art... john
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, John - what a fun memory :-) Brooke
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
I would guess that Sawyer is growing up to be this sort of can-do, will-do person, with all the opportunities he is being given to develop in many areas. I particularly like this line: "and if my bubble's burst, I'll dream a different dream." Love, Jeanie
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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I would guess that Sawyer is growing up to be this sort of can-do, will-do person, with all the opportunities he is being given to develop in many areas. I particularly like this line: "and if my bubble's burst, I'll dream a different dream." Love, Jeanie
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, Jeanie. :-) Tomorrow they are going to some sort of Pirate Fest in Long Beach, complete with cannons and pirate ships. I can't wait to hear all about it from him :-) Brooke
Comment from Louise Michelle
Wow! What a positive message you have presented in this poem. Sawyer is bound to be successful in all his endeavors because of the support he gets from his family. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Wow! What a positive message you have presented in this poem. Sawyer is bound to be successful in all his endeavors because of the support he gets from his family. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Lou, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good alliteration with tippy/toe...swim/sea...bubbles/burst...dream/different...fight/first. Good rhythm and flow. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good alliteration with tippy/toe...swim/sea...bubbles/burst...dream/different...fight/first. Good rhythm and flow. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Righteous Riter, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from kiwisteveh
Great inventive use of the swap quatrain for humorous effect. There is a lovely light-hearted feel to each of your four quatrains and as usual a serious message behind the fun - this time a slightly didactic one about perseverance.
Steve
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Great inventive use of the swap quatrain for humorous effect. There is a lovely light-hearted feel to each of your four quatrains and as usual a serious message behind the fun - this time a slightly didactic one about perseverance.
Steve
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much, Steve :-) Brooke
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A nice swap quatrain Brooke full of positive messages about not giving up on first attempt but try another direction to the same destination. I do like the swap line,
valda
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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A nice swap quatrain Brooke full of positive messages about not giving up on first attempt but try another direction to the same destination. I do like the swap line,
valda
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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valda, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Cajungirl
Another exceptional poem. The children enjoyed this one today, but I didn't have time to write a review earlier with all four of them here. LOL
Sawyer looks like a natural at basketball. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Another exceptional poem. The children enjoyed this one today, but I didn't have time to write a review earlier with all four of them here. LOL
Sawyer looks like a natural at basketball. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2014
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Cajungirl, thank you so much :-) I'm so glad you share my poems :-) Brooke
