If Life is a Drum
a swap quatrain129 total reviews
Comment from Quire's Gal
Amazing Brooke. This must have been hard to do and you've got me interested in trying one. It flows amazingly well, especially in the 3rd stanza where your 3rd, (long line), has 11 syllables. The other long lines have 10 and flow nicely but for some reason the 3rsd stanza flows the best although I can't put my finger as to why.
Compare the metered flow of these lines...
-so everyone knows they're welcome to come (10 syllables)
-There are no adventures I do not crave -- (10 syllables
-There isn't one reason for staying in place -(11 syllables)
-for I've learned to live by this rule of thumb(10 syllables)
I'm not trying to be picky about 1 little syllable, but for some reason the line seems to flow better with 11 syllables in. If you did want to edit, changing the contractions in some of the words is easy to do. For example...
-for everyone knows they are welcome to come (11 syllables)
Or by adding a word...
-there are no adventures that I do not crave (11 syllables)
11 syllables rolls like this...
three ONE two three, ONE two three, ONE two three ONE. In music they are called triplets and have a nice rolling meter when done correctly. Shel Silverstein used a lot of them in his work.
I shall shut up now. This is really cool and I'd like to know who invented it as I've never heard of one before.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Amazing Brooke. This must have been hard to do and you've got me interested in trying one. It flows amazingly well, especially in the 3rd stanza where your 3rd, (long line), has 11 syllables. The other long lines have 10 and flow nicely but for some reason the 3rsd stanza flows the best although I can't put my finger as to why.
Compare the metered flow of these lines...
-so everyone knows they're welcome to come (10 syllables)
-There are no adventures I do not crave -- (10 syllables
-There isn't one reason for staying in place -(11 syllables)
-for I've learned to live by this rule of thumb(10 syllables)
I'm not trying to be picky about 1 little syllable, but for some reason the line seems to flow better with 11 syllables in. If you did want to edit, changing the contractions in some of the words is easy to do. For example...
-for everyone knows they are welcome to come (11 syllables)
Or by adding a word...
-there are no adventures that I do not crave (11 syllables)
11 syllables rolls like this...
three ONE two three, ONE two three, ONE two three ONE. In music they are called triplets and have a nice rolling meter when done correctly. Shel Silverstein used a lot of them in his work.
I shall shut up now. This is really cool and I'd like to know who invented it as I've never heard of one before.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, Katherine, for your generous sixth star and your most thoughtful feedback. I will take another look at the poem with your comments in mind, my friend :-)Brooke
Comment from krys123
Brooke, This is truly another excellent written piece of poetry where your rhyming is neither forced nor labored and your rhythm flows smoothly throughout your poem Due to the fact that also you're rhyming was spot on. Your explanatory observation of this meaning of living your life to your fullest is truly poignant or moving in your writing. Thank you for sharing them posting this for everyone in May all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Brooke, This is truly another excellent written piece of poetry where your rhyming is neither forced nor labored and your rhythm flows smoothly throughout your poem Due to the fact that also you're rhyming was spot on. Your explanatory observation of this meaning of living your life to your fullest is truly poignant or moving in your writing. Thank you for sharing them posting this for everyone in May all your endeavors be good ones.
Alex
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Alex, thank you so much :-) Brooke
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You are so sincerely welcomed my friend
Comment from bob cullen
Outstanding. Your rhythm and imagery are superb. And what a message, 'I'm going to be the best I can.'
I take it Sawyer is your grandson. It would seem he is the inspiration for many of your works.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Outstanding. Your rhythm and imagery are superb. And what a message, 'I'm going to be the best I can.'
I take it Sawyer is your grandson. It would seem he is the inspiration for many of your works.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Bob, thank you so much for your generous rating and thoughtful review. Yes, my one and only grand child has become my muse :-) Brooke
Comment from daeneam
Two thumbs up for this quatrain. You are such a very creative and talented poet, Brooke! I wanna imitate your sunny and radiant attitude! I wish one day, I'll be happy again in every sense of the word. God bless... c", Mae
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Two thumbs up for this quatrain. You are such a very creative and talented poet, Brooke! I wanna imitate your sunny and radiant attitude! I wish one day, I'll be happy again in every sense of the word. God bless... c", Mae
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Mae, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, brooke, this looks like an interesting form to try and I may do it one day, but my brain is still half baked from last week's events, lol
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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this is very well written, brooke, this looks like an interesting form to try and I may do it one day, but my brain is still half baked from last week's events, lol
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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sweetwoodjax, thank you so much. Rodger inspired me to use the form, and he tells me several others are working on giving it a try :-) Brooke
Comment from Donya Quijote
This was a fun read. The title made me think of the folk/pop song Different Drum by the Stone Poneys with Linda Ronstadt. In this unique poem I think you have expressed and defined the perfect philosophy of life. Beat that drum, march in that parade, ride that wave, walk that path, race that race, answer that call, and above all enjoy life...
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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This was a fun read. The title made me think of the folk/pop song Different Drum by the Stone Poneys with Linda Ronstadt. In this unique poem I think you have expressed and defined the perfect philosophy of life. Beat that drum, march in that parade, ride that wave, walk that path, race that race, answer that call, and above all enjoy life...
Comment Written 25-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Donya, thank you so much :-) I love that song. Brooke
Comment from rjuselius
haha. a delightful piece of poetic art! i like the concept of a drum where it keeps on beating like life in general:)
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2014
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haha. a delightful piece of poetic art! i like the concept of a drum where it keeps on beating like life in general:)
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 25-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2014
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rebekka, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Petriesan
Well, there are a couple of valid reasons for staying in place, even though I get your meaning. I went to eleven schools before I graduated high school. When my daughter started kindergarten, I promised my kids I would not move them. I got lucky, self employed from the time my oldest was in grade 5.
But generally, I agree. Good piece
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Well, there are a couple of valid reasons for staying in place, even though I get your meaning. I went to eleven schools before I graduated high school. When my daughter started kindergarten, I promised my kids I would not move them. I got lucky, self employed from the time my oldest was in grade 5.
But generally, I agree. Good piece
Comment Written 25-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Petriesan, I agree, there are plenty of reasons to lay down roots - this is more metaphorical about people who have let their lives stagnate. Brooke
Comment from rod007
This is the reckless playfulness that we all must have in our hearts. Ride it, stride it,gun it, run it and lead it. Do it as such actions begets the vibrancy-energy that is the essence of life and living.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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This is the reckless playfulness that we all must have in our hearts. Ride it, stride it,gun it, run it and lead it. Do it as such actions begets the vibrancy-energy that is the essence of life and living.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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rod, thank you so very much :-) Brooke
Comment from lancellot
Very nice. Is there any form of poetry, you can't do well? I like rhythm and end rhymes. The message just adds to everything. Life should be lived to fullest. Well done.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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Very nice. Is there any form of poetry, you can't do well? I like rhythm and end rhymes. The message just adds to everything. Life should be lived to fullest. Well done.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2014
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lancellot, thank you so much. I have never written a crown of sonnets and have no intention to - those long-winded poems hold no interest for me. I've also never written a cleave poem, one of those puzzles where the poem reads all the way across and also in each column. LOL Just trying to describe it gives me a headache :-) Brooke
