Graven Images
A lonely man laments the loss of his life-long love...91 total reviews
Comment from Bobby Jo
This is sad. I have an aunt who lost her husband over 30 years ago. She still lives in the same house and now is old and needs to be in a nursing home, but her kids refuse to put her there. She has come close, many times of dying. Heart surg. etc... now al timers. This reminded me of her. good write.
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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2014
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This is sad. I have an aunt who lost her husband over 30 years ago. She still lives in the same house and now is old and needs to be in a nursing home, but her kids refuse to put her there. She has come close, many times of dying. Heart surg. etc... now al timers. This reminded me of her. good write.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2014
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Thanks
Comment from padumachitta
Hi Dean. I like the fresh appraoch to the idea of graven images. He got what he asked for and those who pickup the carving may never undertand.
It makes me reflect on where i put my energy, where I go for refuge, many false in this world. Do I carve my own graven image every time I have a solidified way of thinking, a sort of interior graven image?(I think your poem has sparked another off in me...thanks...now I gotta go wrrite up the idea...)
So, the six is more than well derserved. The candence trots along and the imagery it great.
Thanks
padumachitta
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Hi Dean. I like the fresh appraoch to the idea of graven images. He got what he asked for and those who pickup the carving may never undertand.
It makes me reflect on where i put my energy, where I go for refuge, many false in this world. Do I carve my own graven image every time I have a solidified way of thinking, a sort of interior graven image?(I think your poem has sparked another off in me...thanks...now I gotta go wrrite up the idea...)
So, the six is more than well derserved. The candence trots along and the imagery it great.
Thanks
padumachitta
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thanks very much, padu. There's nothing I like to hear more than something I have written (scribbled, LOL) has inspired someone else to write. That's really what we do this for, is it not? To entertain, enlighten, and, if we're very lucky, to inspire?
So thanks for this wonderful review and rating, my friend. You've certainly kicked my day off right!
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Hey, you have a good day, I just did the notes on the poem and will go sit by the river with my dog and think on it some, padumachitta:-)
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I'll be watching for it.
Comment from prefabmouse
If only I could give you ten stars. This poem reminded me of a little bit of Edgar Allen Poe and somewhat of some of Robert Frosts writings, two of my favorites by the way.
I was caught up from the first line to the next and swept on through to the end.
You really painted a picture for me of an old man, his love and his loss, his daily struggle and his way of life. You sang of his wishes and wants and made me see every aspect of what is going on inside and outside of him. I am truly impressed and would love to make a copy of this to read at my leisure from time to time.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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If only I could give you ten stars. This poem reminded me of a little bit of Edgar Allen Poe and somewhat of some of Robert Frosts writings, two of my favorites by the way.
I was caught up from the first line to the next and swept on through to the end.
You really painted a picture for me of an old man, his love and his loss, his daily struggle and his way of life. You sang of his wishes and wants and made me see every aspect of what is going on inside and outside of him. I am truly impressed and would love to make a copy of this to read at my leisure from time to time.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much, prefabmouse. Yours is about the third or fourth reference to Frost, and there have been several references made to my favorite poet, Edgar Allen Poe. I am truly humbled by them all. I'm in no way worthy to be mentioned in the same breath as they, but am giddy that many feel this way. I do know this, I write from my heart, and my heart has always served me well. When I use my head too much, quite often the path gets murky and muddied.
You may copy and read it at your leisure as you see fit, my friend. I really appreciate you giving me your time and sharing your thoughts with me about it.
Much obliged.
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Thank you for your permission. I will make a copy and place it on my desktop so I can refer to it often. Do you also mind if I share it with some of my writer friends? I know they will appreciate it as much as I do.
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Not at all, prefabmouse. I would be honored. I'm very glad that you enjoyed it, and I know you mean what you say, that's the important thing.
Comment from zanya
Reading this brought R.Frost's quote to mind'Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words'- powerful emotion of grief expressed in these quatrains and some haunting images that veritably 'ambush ' the reader
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Reading this brought R.Frost's quote to mind'Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words'- powerful emotion of grief expressed in these quatrains and some haunting images that veritably 'ambush ' the reader
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Wow, thank you zanya. Anytime a poem I've written is mentioned in the same breath as the immortal poet, Robert Frost, I take that in the highest regard, my friend. Thanks so much for your complimentary review and exceptional rating. Both are very much appreciated.
Comment from mfowler
This is a wonderfully inventive write, Dean. Your poetry flows with great rhythm and your storytelling is immaculate. You've built a deep sense of pathos for the old man left to cope with loneliness after his wife's death - such a sad aspect of life. The fifty year connection is well established, emphasising both the age of the old man and the depth of the ache he feels. The insertion of the image he's carving early on in the poem, and its referenced existence right till the end, builds a motif thread throughout which is given fullness of purpose and meaning in the final stanza. Linking the death in the graveyard to a 'graven image', after being foresaken by his God, is an inventive plot mechanism and a strong thematic element drawing the narrative together. (like the cord in your pjamas gives your pj pants meaning....sorry, a bit of levity among the serious stuff) Very enjoyable.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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This is a wonderfully inventive write, Dean. Your poetry flows with great rhythm and your storytelling is immaculate. You've built a deep sense of pathos for the old man left to cope with loneliness after his wife's death - such a sad aspect of life. The fifty year connection is well established, emphasising both the age of the old man and the depth of the ache he feels. The insertion of the image he's carving early on in the poem, and its referenced existence right till the end, builds a motif thread throughout which is given fullness of purpose and meaning in the final stanza. Linking the death in the graveyard to a 'graven image', after being foresaken by his God, is an inventive plot mechanism and a strong thematic element drawing the narrative together. (like the cord in your pjamas gives your pj pants meaning....sorry, a bit of levity among the serious stuff) Very enjoyable.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thanks for such an intelligent, excellent assessment of this poem, Mark. You really dug in there and got right down to the bare bones of all the elements I worked so hard to weave into this tale of woe and heartbreak.
Reviews such as this mean more to me than any seven-star rating from the FanStory Voting Committee, my friend.
Thanks so much again, I am sincerely grateful.
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Thanks, Dean. I was about to review it late last night, and realised it deserved better treatment than my tired brain could muster at the time. You are quite the storyteller!
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As are you, my friend. I just finished reading and reviewing one of your own.
Thanks again.
Comment from Delahay
A very interesting progression as a grieving man is seen wishing he could join his deceased wife wherever she is. He carves her image, goes into the mist, and eventually gets his wish. I'd say be careful what you wish for but he really got exactly what he wanted.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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A very interesting progression as a grieving man is seen wishing he could join his deceased wife wherever she is. He carves her image, goes into the mist, and eventually gets his wish. I'd say be careful what you wish for but he really got exactly what he wanted.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Ward. You're right, he certainly did.
Comment from livelylinda
Dean: you just keep doing it. . .giving us such marvelous words to portray an image. As I age and get more tired by the day, it makes this poem especially humbling. Linda
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Dean: you just keep doing it. . .giving us such marvelous words to portray an image. As I age and get more tired by the day, it makes this poem especially humbling. Linda
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much, Linda. I'm very happy that you liked it.
Comment from judester
A great poem Dean. One man's love,so strong, that when she is gone, the only place he wants to be is with her. A carving becomes the conduit that transports him to her, once again. judester
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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A great poem Dean. One man's love,so strong, that when she is gone, the only place he wants to be is with her. A carving becomes the conduit that transports him to her, once again. judester
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much, judester. I appreciate the review.
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with day/lay...years/fears...rest/best...wife/life...where/there. Good supporting photos followed by a thought provoking message.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Good use of the aabb rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with day/lay...years/fears...rest/best...wife/life...where/there. Good supporting photos followed by a thought provoking message.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you, my brother.
Comment from kiwisteveh
This gets gloomier and gloomier as the poem tick-tocks away with its regular meter. Constructed with your customary skill and attention to detail and, sure enough, a drift into the supernatural towards the end - no screams here, though; just a sense of relief at the completion.
A couple of tiny things that irk me as a fussy English teacher - you drift into the past tense on a couple of occasions, forcing me to stop and re-consider those lines lay and droned are the two offending words I think.
Best of luck in the contest - I am assuming this is a new contest - haven't we just had one?
Steve
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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This gets gloomier and gloomier as the poem tick-tocks away with its regular meter. Constructed with your customary skill and attention to detail and, sure enough, a drift into the supernatural towards the end - no screams here, though; just a sense of relief at the completion.
A couple of tiny things that irk me as a fussy English teacher - you drift into the past tense on a couple of occasions, forcing me to stop and re-consider those lines lay and droned are the two offending words I think.
Best of luck in the contest - I am assuming this is a new contest - haven't we just had one?
Steve
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Steve, and I will look at those lines. Yes, this is a new contest. I believe the deadline is December third. However, I generally need a great deal of time for editing and revision. For example, like the two offending lines you mentioned, LOL.
Thank you for the review and suggestions. I'll address those lines right away.
