Short Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "haiku (red giant's sunset)"A Collection Of Short Form Poetry
31 total reviews
Comment from Domino 2
I've ben fascinated lately by astronomy and the views on Aliens visiting Earth, so I found this write particularly interesting, Mikey.
I recall the same time span you mention of the future life of the sun, and the consequences to Earth. I've therefore decided to only live for the next FIVE billion years to be on the safe side. :-)
Fantastic artwork and colour presentation to enforce your very strong and dramatic words.
Best wishes, Ray.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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I've ben fascinated lately by astronomy and the views on Aliens visiting Earth, so I found this write particularly interesting, Mikey.
I recall the same time span you mention of the future life of the sun, and the consequences to Earth. I've therefore decided to only live for the next FIVE billion years to be on the safe side. :-)
Fantastic artwork and colour presentation to enforce your very strong and dramatic words.
Best wishes, Ray.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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That's a good solid goal. I'll hang around to keep you company. Glad you liked this. I love that picture too. Thanks, mikey
Comment from Eternal Muse
Michael, I took another look, and had to re-write my review.
I didn't realize you put your satori in line 1.
Red giant's sunset
And your two interconnecting lines are:
drops of water sizzle as
earth evaporates
It's great! Unique word choices, unique picture of a sunset, excellent informative author notes explaining the phenomenon - I apologize for the prior review. This is a great entry.
Fond regards, Y.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Michael, I took another look, and had to re-write my review.
I didn't realize you put your satori in line 1.
Red giant's sunset
And your two interconnecting lines are:
drops of water sizzle as
earth evaporates
It's great! Unique word choices, unique picture of a sunset, excellent informative author notes explaining the phenomenon - I apologize for the prior review. This is a great entry.
Fond regards, Y.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2014
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Hi. I always enjoy your analysis. My intent was to make the first line the sartori and line two and three the concrete imagery. I'm still new to haiku and just beginning to get a handle on them. Any suggestions? I know that the positive response I've received is more for a good poem than a good haiku!! Well, if you have the time, I'd appreciate any other thoughts you have. I did have some suggestions for line one, but they didn't sound as good I thought. Thank you kindly, mikey
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Michael, I completely re-wrote my review. I realize that you put your satori in line, and now everything is just perfect!
This should make a very strong contender, it is absolutely unique, good luck in the booths, love, Y.
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Oh, I was questioning red giant's sunset
Perhaps, red giant sunset?
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Oh. Yes, let me mull that over. Thank you for the suggestion, mikey
Comment from BLACKDYKE
If ever I learn the rules of the Haiku
I'll try one, until then I'll say this
seems perfect, to me anyhow. What amazes
me is how folks know what's going to
happen in thousands of years time! I don't
believe a word of it, but then, we'll never know. Eric
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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If ever I learn the rules of the Haiku
I'll try one, until then I'll say this
seems perfect, to me anyhow. What amazes
me is how folks know what's going to
happen in thousands of years time! I don't
believe a word of it, but then, we'll never know. Eric
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Never knowing is the part I like. Hahaha. I kind of just jumped in and started writing them. There's so many rules I tired of trying to learn them. Then they all argue about the rules anyway! Well, it gives me something to write about, so that's the main thing! mikey
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my pleasure
Comment from Nosha17
A stunning picture and very interesting notes on the evolution of the sun, pretty scary stuff, but a long way off in terms of time. You have made excellent choice of words to convey your message and it is a very effective poem. Faye
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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A stunning picture and very interesting notes on the evolution of the sun, pretty scary stuff, but a long way off in terms of time. You have made excellent choice of words to convey your message and it is a very effective poem. Faye
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Yeah, we don't have to worry! Glad you liked this. Trying something different to stand out. Thank you so much, mikey
Comment from Bill Schott
This is fascinating. I wonder if there will be anyone or thing on the planet when it finally burns off? Guess I'll have to wait and see.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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This is fascinating. I wonder if there will be anyone or thing on the planet when it finally burns off? Guess I'll have to wait and see.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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We're pretty clever. Perhaps we will be toasting marshmellows on Neptune by then!! Astronomy was one of the few subjects I did well in! mikey
Comment from seaglass
This haiku paints a picture as it should. To some it may represent the sunset, heat of summer cooled down by evening dew. to me it reminds me of climate change and global warming
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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This haiku paints a picture as it should. To some it may represent the sunset, heat of summer cooled down by evening dew. to me it reminds me of climate change and global warming
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Yes, I was going for global warming! I was settling for the end of the world, but I was hoping people would get the underlying message. You did!! mikey
Comment from pattipac
Great job, Mikey. Your picture choice segues directly into your poem of possible earth's extension. Your few words show much paint a vivid painting of what may come. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Great job, Mikey. Your picture choice segues directly into your poem of possible earth's extension. Your few words show much paint a vivid painting of what may come. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thank you!! I wanted to come up with something a little different. I guess I did it this time. I'll cross my fingers. :)) mikey
Comment from amada
Such a touch of melancholy in this haiku. (Perfect in form by the way). "earth evaporates..." I felt a sensation of lack of breath in these lines. A great poet the one who can touch the reader in such a way.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Such a touch of melancholy in this haiku. (Perfect in form by the way). "earth evaporates..." I felt a sensation of lack of breath in these lines. A great poet the one who can touch the reader in such a way.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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What a wonderful compliment. Win or lose, I doubt I will stop smiling for a long time. Thank you so very much!! mikey
Comment from ravenblack
Unique and interesting take on the sunset, red giant's sunset, the sun's sunset or decline as it consumes it's remaining hydrogen. And consumes the Earth. Don't think anyone will be painting that sunset...Well, maybe Muench. You know the painting, The Scream? The horrific sunset? It was a true depiction Krakatoa had erupted that year, so much dust in the atmosphere that sunsets became like Timothy Leary's wet dream.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Unique and interesting take on the sunset, red giant's sunset, the sun's sunset or decline as it consumes it's remaining hydrogen. And consumes the Earth. Don't think anyone will be painting that sunset...Well, maybe Muench. You know the painting, The Scream? The horrific sunset? It was a true depiction Krakatoa had erupted that year, so much dust in the atmosphere that sunsets became like Timothy Leary's wet dream.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Just didn't want something idyllic and serene! Although the thought of most of the inhabitants frying is comforting. Need to find a way for the few cool folks to escape back to Krypton. mikey
Comment from Hadria
Excellent! I am greatly cheered that it will take billions of years for this to happen. It ticks all the boxes for the haiku prompt, but isn't it a bit negative for a haiku? But then, maybe we'll all freeze to death before being boiled, which would on the whole, be preferable, maybe? xxx Hadria
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Excellent! I am greatly cheered that it will take billions of years for this to happen. It ticks all the boxes for the haiku prompt, but isn't it a bit negative for a haiku? But then, maybe we'll all freeze to death before being boiled, which would on the whole, be preferable, maybe? xxx Hadria
Comment Written 20-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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We'll be angels with greying wings by then!! Not to worry. Hahaha. Glad you liked this. Trying to find something a little different. mikey
