Bel Air: A Bard's Guide
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Caesar's Palace & All Souls School"Sequel to The Bard of Bel Air.
10 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
Ballerina makin' pickles in a cheese factory- no, I don't know what you mean but Grace, pickles and cheese, dancing with the stars on a grand ole opery flatbed loaded on Budweiser...what the hell was I saying? Ach! The bard strikes again.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Ballerina makin' pickles in a cheese factory- no, I don't know what you mean but Grace, pickles and cheese, dancing with the stars on a grand ole opery flatbed loaded on Budweiser...what the hell was I saying? Ach! The bard strikes again.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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He's always nearby...
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Sounds like the Partridge family. A heap of kids. Now, it's time for the dummies to come. So, Winston will confront Barry. An abandoned school. Out back. Saw, you been holding back on commas, I don't blame you. I get paranoid every time I use one. It's a cat & mouse game and a chase scene. I forget about where the money exchange is to be? Interesting, how they pull it off, if they pull it off? Over all, good job. Later Lion King. wackydo
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Sounds like the Partridge family. A heap of kids. Now, it's time for the dummies to come. So, Winston will confront Barry. An abandoned school. Out back. Saw, you been holding back on commas, I don't blame you. I get paranoid every time I use one. It's a cat & mouse game and a chase scene. I forget about where the money exchange is to be? Interesting, how they pull it off, if they pull it off? Over all, good job. Later Lion King. wackydo
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Oh yeah, the money exchange. Hahaha. I forgot about that. I guess I better come up with something for that pretty soon!! More to come. Check your mail. mikey
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I got faith in you Mikey. You will come up with something genious. Checking E mail.
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Will check e-mail later. It's down for some reason. I will come up with something. Hahaha. Genius? Maaaayyyybe......
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I saw your competition. Shalom looks like your closest competition. Ben Colder, I speculate. shalom means peace.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Michael,
What a crazy ride in different vehicles ... and all headed for Vegas! The first part of this chapter reads like an action-packed movie script.
I like how you slowed the pace and ended up at the abandoned church.
Very well done, Mikey!
Hope you're having a wonderful week.
Sonali
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Hi Michael,
What a crazy ride in different vehicles ... and all headed for Vegas! The first part of this chapter reads like an action-packed movie script.
I like how you slowed the pace and ended up at the abandoned church.
Very well done, Mikey!
Hope you're having a wonderful week.
Sonali
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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I always keep in mind how you remember to be poetic and describe things. Well, not always, but as often as possible. I'm so pleased you like this. Big smiles. Hope you have a great week as well. mikey
Comment from l.raven
HEy You. ok...Lucy and Bard are out traveling the life fantastic...and following Barry who knows...the rest are in rooms in Caesars Palace...and the girls are about to be dropped off at a old school church...with other kids...And Janine Cranston is the wicked witch of the west watching over the kids...lets see what's next...very well done Michael...luff Linda xxoo Love
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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HEy You. ok...Lucy and Bard are out traveling the life fantastic...and following Barry who knows...the rest are in rooms in Caesars Palace...and the girls are about to be dropped off at a old school church...with other kids...And Janine Cranston is the wicked witch of the west watching over the kids...lets see what's next...very well done Michael...luff Linda xxoo Love
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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I have to figure out what's next!! Well, I have them all in the same general area now. Time for some action. And some crazy Bard stuff too... mikey
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OH I love to hear that...that's my boy!!! LOL...bring it on...luff
Comment from nordicgirl
Some great descriptive writing here.
Never be afraid to take the time to
Fully describe an environment or a
Charachrer. You are good at it and
It pays in the long run. NG
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Some great descriptive writing here.
Never be afraid to take the time to
Fully describe an environment or a
Charachrer. You are good at it and
It pays in the long run. NG
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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That's good to hear. I tend to forget that as I rush to finish and keep it running along. Thank you, mikey
Comment from Nosha17
All the crowd converging on Vegas where sparks will be flying soon, I guess. Well related and full of humour and action. Enjoyable read. Faye
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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All the crowd converging on Vegas where sparks will be flying soon, I guess. Well related and full of humour and action. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Yes! Hopefully I can get some sparks flying. We'll see!! Pleased that you are enjoying. Always appreciate your input. mikey
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
You dirty rat, I'm gonna eat you like I ate your brutha, see? <<< LOL! Verrrry clever twist on the famous line!
>>Winston seemed pleased with the information so far.
INstead of TELLING us that, have him SHOW us by what he says.
>>He lost the tail we had on him
Great way to explain "the tail" he was supposedly avoiding, by making it Winston's. I love when you use my idea. Cool. :)
>>The gate to the abandoned school hung by one hinge, but its main support was a wisteria vine...etc.
Now THAT is good writing! Loud applause!
I would not have TOLD the reader where the kids were housed... I would SHOW it, eitehr by letting someone mention it, or have a scene where the kids are talking. There's just way too much "telling" in that whole last section, even to the point of saying when Angela would be arriving there.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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You dirty rat, I'm gonna eat you like I ate your brutha, see? <<< LOL! Verrrry clever twist on the famous line!
>>Winston seemed pleased with the information so far.
INstead of TELLING us that, have him SHOW us by what he says.
>>He lost the tail we had on him
Great way to explain "the tail" he was supposedly avoiding, by making it Winston's. I love when you use my idea. Cool. :)
>>The gate to the abandoned school hung by one hinge, but its main support was a wisteria vine...etc.
Now THAT is good writing! Loud applause!
I would not have TOLD the reader where the kids were housed... I would SHOW it, eitehr by letting someone mention it, or have a scene where the kids are talking. There's just way too much "telling" in that whole last section, even to the point of saying when Angela would be arriving there.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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You have good ideas. I Googled the area. Hahaha. Yep, you couldn't hide a rock in those mountains! Show don't tell. I know when I'm doing it, I feel like I'm treading water. I'll keep that in my brain. mikey
Comment from Sankey
Bit occupied with deals mate was trying to think of a different word to use in some places hehe! Good chapter see what you can come up with for some of the "deals" ok!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Bit occupied with deals mate was trying to think of a different word to use in some places hehe! Good chapter see what you can come up with for some of the "deals" ok!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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I'll take a look. I'm using the word "deals" a lot? I wasn't even aware of it. Hahaha. I shall fix that. Glad you noticed. That kind of thing can drive folks crazy!! mikey
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Yep mate put some wheels on dem deals okey dokey! Head em outta town!
Comment from CR Delport
A lot is going on as everyone converge on Vegas. You're setting up everything very nicely for a big fat confrontation. I like the images you create, like the cat and the cigar :) Another great chapter. Didn't spot any obvious errors.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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A lot is going on as everyone converge on Vegas. You're setting up everything very nicely for a big fat confrontation. I like the images you create, like the cat and the cigar :) Another great chapter. Didn't spot any obvious errors.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Pleased that you are enjoying. The Bard is fun to write. He's liable to come up with anything. What a great character! mikey
Comment from seaglass
The empty school add an interesting addition. Of course, what city would be more suited for child-sex-trafficking than Sin City. This is well written and the divided coverage did a great job of conveying the feeling I was watching all of them. The old school and church may be the Show-down in the Old Corral.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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The empty school add an interesting addition. Of course, what city would be more suited for child-sex-trafficking than Sin City. This is well written and the divided coverage did a great job of conveying the feeling I was watching all of them. The old school and church may be the Show-down in the Old Corral.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Yeah. I like that image. Don't be surprised if the Bard starts quoting "Tombstone" one of my favorite movies!! mikey
