Short Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "haiku (colorless summer)"A Collection Of Short Form Poetry
33 total reviews
Comment from Ben Colder
Luna. Artificial light. Only a mirror of the moon. Amazing how the planets are made and their duty in the universe. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Luna. Artificial light. Only a mirror of the moon. Amazing how the planets are made and their duty in the universe. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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It truly is amazing. Astronomy is one of the classes I DID enjoy in high school. An amazing order and wonder to creation. Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from Donya Quijote
I think is a good haiku-esque poem. Strong imagery, good satori, proper syllabication. The one problem I have is that it is not in the present tense. Haiku is meant to capture a moment in time. I think you have all the elements we just need to make a new arrangement. I worry that it won't get passed the committee. Anyway, let me know what you think of the following suggestion.
colorless summer
the earth's mirrored moon
foreshadows nature's course
It's a little abstract rather than concrete, but it works for me. I know this breaks the 5-7-5 format, but I think there is something in the instructions that says it doesn't have to be strictly followed.
Just some thought and good luck. And remember I don't know much, my haiku don't do well in contests here...
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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I think is a good haiku-esque poem. Strong imagery, good satori, proper syllabication. The one problem I have is that it is not in the present tense. Haiku is meant to capture a moment in time. I think you have all the elements we just need to make a new arrangement. I worry that it won't get passed the committee. Anyway, let me know what you think of the following suggestion.
colorless summer
the earth's mirrored moon
foreshadows nature's course
It's a little abstract rather than concrete, but it works for me. I know this breaks the 5-7-5 format, but I think there is something in the instructions that says it doesn't have to be strictly followed.
Just some thought and good luck. And remember I don't know much, my haiku don't do well in contests here...
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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I like your take quite a bit. I'll consider it. I also like the somewhat mystical slant to mine. I'm thinking that a vision or prophecy is present tense in that it is a vision of the future that is occurring "now". The voting is strange here. They vote for topics or views quite a bit. The last one of yours, which I voted for, was by far the best I thought. But, the winner had a theme that always gets votes. I cater to the mindset sometimes just to win contests. Hahaha. What a sellout, huh? mikey
Comment from TAB_that's me
You did a great job Mikey with this writing prompt and I like the satori you used. Good luck to you in the contest.
~teresa~
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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You did a great job Mikey with this writing prompt and I like the satori you used. Good luck to you in the contest.
~teresa~
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you! I entered first and wrote later. I figured for ten bucks I'd have to come up with something. pleased that you liked it. mikey
Comment from rama devi
Thought provoking haiku, true to form for the contest directives and finely presented with apt artwork. I believe the foreshadowing can occur in present tense.
Excellent word economy, especially in the two-word satori in line one.
Good consonance of S and R in all three lines, and alliteration of M in the last one, and alliteration of C in the first two.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thought provoking haiku, true to form for the contest directives and finely presented with apt artwork. I believe the foreshadowing can occur in present tense.
Excellent word economy, especially in the two-word satori in line one.
Good consonance of S and R in all three lines, and alliteration of M in the last one, and alliteration of C in the first two.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Appreciate you thoughts on present tense. That was my thinking. A vision is in the present tense. Seeing the future, but seeing it now. So pleased you liked this. I entered as a way to force me to come up with something!! mikey
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Ah yes, I often enter contests for just that reason, dear Mikey. Blessings, rd
Comment from faragon
Not a pretty picture for our future, huh? Your poem could also represent the beautiful colors of black, grey, and silver in the evening. A matter of perspective. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Not a pretty picture for our future, huh? Your poem could also represent the beautiful colors of black, grey, and silver in the evening. A matter of perspective. Nicely done.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much. I entered first so I would force myself to try one of these. Glad you liked it. mikey
Comment from pattipac
Your few words prophesy the dire consequences our world faces from Mother Nature,that will be reflected in the moon;tornadoes, hurricanes, drought, famine, to name a few.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Your few words prophesy the dire consequences our world faces from Mother Nature,that will be reflected in the moon;tornadoes, hurricanes, drought, famine, to name a few.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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You have it exactly right. Perhaps some that don't feel the need to take action might change their mind when they see the consequences. Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is beautifully constructed and very inspiring. Interesting twist for this contest and you executed it brilliantly. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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This is beautifully constructed and very inspiring. Interesting twist for this contest and you executed it brilliantly. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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You are most welcome. I appreciate the encouragement and kind remarks a great deal. Some heavy weight competition in this one. So your positive review may be all the smiles I get!!! mikey
Comment from Nosha17
What a terrible thought to have a colourless summer. I hope the predictions are not true. Your haiku is very succinct in its message and the illustration beautifully compliments the excellent choice of words. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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What a terrible thought to have a colourless summer. I hope the predictions are not true. Your haiku is very succinct in its message and the illustration beautifully compliments the excellent choice of words. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Maybe this will scare some folks. Glad you liked this. The competition in this one is SCARY! But, at least I got a pretty good poem out of it and some kind words. Thank you! mikey
Comment from Domino 2
In your artwork, I thought I was seeing double here, Mikey, and was even more worried when I realised I hadn't had a drink today...yet. :-)
I think this is definitely present tense, just seen with that perspective from our potentially catastrophic future.
Excellent.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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In your artwork, I thought I was seeing double here, Mikey, and was even more worried when I realised I hadn't had a drink today...yet. :-)
I think this is definitely present tense, just seen with that perspective from our potentially catastrophic future.
Excellent.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Oh good. I'm glad you see it that way too. It makes sense to me. Kind of like a prophet. Seeing the future now. Thank you, mikey
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If you have tomorrow's winning lottery numbers to hand, I'd be very grateful if you forwarded them to me. :-)
Cheers, Ray.
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TODAY, before the draw, that is. :-)
Comment from Hadria
Clever, Mikey! Clever and chilling. Also very interesting, I didn't know you could have the satori first, it works just as well, if not better in this case.
The picture is very appropriate, and the combination encapsulates all our fears for our planet. I'm so aware of the changes just here in the north west of a small, soggy island in the Atlantic........this haiku goes into my bookcase forthwith. xxxHadria
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Clever, Mikey! Clever and chilling. Also very interesting, I didn't know you could have the satori first, it works just as well, if not better in this case.
The picture is very appropriate, and the combination encapsulates all our fears for our planet. I'm so aware of the changes just here in the north west of a small, soggy island in the Atlantic........this haiku goes into my bookcase forthwith. xxxHadria
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Wow. THis just makes my day. I entered this before I had a word written. I figured for ten bucks that I would have to come up with something! Actually, I found it easier coming up with the satori first and then the lines that supported it. I wish I would have thought of doing that before. Works regardless of the order. I do that with stories and poems quite a bit, write the ending first! Thanks again. Honored that you would put this in the library. mikey
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I don't know if it is allowed to ask this, but I would be so grateful if you could find the time to review a piece I wrote for the non-fiction competition back in May........I didn't have time to promote it much, so didn't get many reviews and I value your opinion, I do mean really review, don't be kind, I need to know!
'The Last Ladies of Lissadell' is in my portfolio, but if you are too busy please don't worry, I'll understand :) Hadria
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Actually, I remember that one. I did review it. I thought it was really excellent. I gave you six stars as I recall. A great story. mikey
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I'm definitely doting! The Home for the Bewildered beckons! H
