Happy Holidays?
Description of a dream63 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
good use of rhyming couplets including good proximate rhyming like cross/cloth and grasp/last
a dozen dead natives with turkey to eat - am I missing something - how did dead natives have turkey? ok, I see, this is like a surrealistic vision including social commentary on what settlers did to the Native Americans
good alliteration in lays out our laws
Brooke
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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good use of rhyming couplets including good proximate rhyming like cross/cloth and grasp/last
a dozen dead natives with turkey to eat - am I missing something - how did dead natives have turkey? ok, I see, this is like a surrealistic vision including social commentary on what settlers did to the Native Americans
good alliteration in lays out our laws
Brooke
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Definitely social commentary. Thank you for your review and comments.
Comment from Chocolate Chip
Thank you for giving me a different way of looking at the past (history). The wording used hit home & I have a better appreciation for what transpired through the eyes of those being betrayed. All history isn't good history! ;) CC
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you for giving me a different way of looking at the past (history). The wording used hit home & I have a better appreciation for what transpired through the eyes of those being betrayed. All history isn't good history! ;) CC
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much for your review and for your comments.
Comment from mbagby23
Very cute. The actions we can't take back. I aslo like how you tell the stories of the different holidays we have. Nice message within the poem.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Very cute. The actions we can't take back. I aslo like how you tell the stories of the different holidays we have. Nice message within the poem.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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It is interesting how some of our holidays came about. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from lancellot
Interesting, your rhymes are not uniform and i noticed that you repeated severalof the end rhymes. Was this intentional? Are you trying a variation on the rheme scheme? Very curious.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Interesting, your rhymes are not uniform and i noticed that you repeated severalof the end rhymes. Was this intentional? Are you trying a variation on the rheme scheme? Very curious.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Mostly the style of rhyming came about from my inability to make the rhymes uniformly fit what I wanted to say. I settled more for saying what I wanted and letting the rhyme scheme get skewed. I appreciate the review.
Comment from DanielEkine
This is a poem in form of a story. A great contrast that works well in this case. Very well thought-out. Great job with the specific diction used for this subject. Remembering the rabbit nailed to the wall. Great job.
"I tossed off the tie as I started to burn
Tore off my shirt as something unearned
Stopping to think on all I had learned
Turning around to my bed I returned" A very vivid verse.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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This is a poem in form of a story. A great contrast that works well in this case. Very well thought-out. Great job with the specific diction used for this subject. Remembering the rabbit nailed to the wall. Great job.
"I tossed off the tie as I started to burn
Tore off my shirt as something unearned
Stopping to think on all I had learned
Turning around to my bed I returned" A very vivid verse.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much for your review and for your comments. I appreciate that you took the time to read and write your opinion of my writing.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So little we've gained from all that we've lost
Great line, but I love every wonderful line of this masterpiece. I have bookcased it for future reading and to show my hubby when he gets back from China. :)
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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So little we've gained from all that we've lost
Great line, but I love every wonderful line of this masterpiece. I have bookcased it for future reading and to show my hubby when he gets back from China. :)
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you for your kind and enthusiastic review. Some people have had trouble with this one. Some have said it's somewhat disjointed and didn't like the change in the rhyme scheme, but I couldn't seem to make it work out differently. I've gotten mixed reactions.
Comment from Fleedleflump
Wonderful description of the dream images, taking us through the full gamut of human emotions as we come along for the ride. The last stanza is a triumph, both summing up and drawing from the rest to close on a brilliantly philosophical note.
Mike
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Wonderful description of the dream images, taking us through the full gamut of human emotions as we come along for the ride. The last stanza is a triumph, both summing up and drawing from the rest to close on a brilliantly philosophical note.
Mike
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much for your review. I don't think I wrote this as well as I could have wished for. I have had two typos pointed out so far and some have said it seems somewhat disjointed. Part of that, I believe, is because this came from a dream. I wrote it down as quickly as I could but some of it was lost and I had some difficulty putting it into words.
Comment from innerworlds
Definitely worth five stars. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you!!! R.
Most of us can relate to the disorientation that sometimes happens when we wake up from a deep sleep, filled with snippets of leftover dreams floating around in our heads. In your poem, those snippets represented to me the many stories and lessons I learned in Sunday School as a child, mixed together with bits of history lessons from my public schools days.
One of the lines in the poem made me stop and think for a for a while:
"History changes, rearranging the truth"...
Does it mean that throughout history, humans have made others the targets of their prejudice and hatred, fulfilling their need for power? And although those targets change over time, the underlying problem stays the same: We still haven't learned the lesson of complete acceptance and forgiveness taught to us by God. If this was your message, it's a powerful observation.
Regardless, I thought you presented a thought-provoking piece with many levels of meaning.
One possible correction: Did you intend to say, "Is it because we have some(thing) to prove"?
Thanks for sharing this poem. It will stay in my head for quite some time!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Definitely worth five stars. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you!!! R.
Most of us can relate to the disorientation that sometimes happens when we wake up from a deep sleep, filled with snippets of leftover dreams floating around in our heads. In your poem, those snippets represented to me the many stories and lessons I learned in Sunday School as a child, mixed together with bits of history lessons from my public schools days.
One of the lines in the poem made me stop and think for a for a while:
"History changes, rearranging the truth"...
Does it mean that throughout history, humans have made others the targets of their prejudice and hatred, fulfilling their need for power? And although those targets change over time, the underlying problem stays the same: We still haven't learned the lesson of complete acceptance and forgiveness taught to us by God. If this was your message, it's a powerful observation.
Regardless, I thought you presented a thought-provoking piece with many levels of meaning.
One possible correction: Did you intend to say, "Is it because we have some(thing) to prove"?
Thanks for sharing this poem. It will stay in my head for quite some time!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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You are absolutely right about the some(thing). Through two people proofreading before posting, this is the second typo I've had pointed out. Thank you for that.
I think you got the message I was trying to convey as far as history. I also take it to mean that we rearrange history to suit our purposes of the moment. Hitler did it to persecute the Jews but he was just the most obvious and one of the worst. We rewrite history in big and small ways. Paul Revere was not the only rider that night nor did he ride the farthest, Columbus didn't discover America, he never set foot here, and no one ate turkey at the first Thanksgiving. We write history to make everything fit the latest "facts" then change what we write when the facts change or we want to get a different message out. I haven't even mentioned the WMD's in Iraq or how we (supposedly) never had troops in Cambodia, even though I saw a friend die there.
I don't think I wrote this as well as I could have wished for. Part of that, I believe, is because this came from a dream. I wrote it down as quickly as I could but some of it was lost and I had some difficulty putting it into words.
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You said this very eloquently. And I agree, throughout history we have twisted the truth to fit our purposes. I believe these days we call it "journalism". And also "politics".
And I'm very sorry that you lost your friend overseas.
-rkp-
Comment from WWWJR
I noticed that you changed the rhyming in some of the stanzas and then returned to it.
That was a little distraction. Were you attempting to achieve something in particular with that style?
In the sixth stanza my instinct wanted to change "some" to "something", which is the more common phrase. That made me go back to reread the stanza and ultimately the entire poem. The first read through was dreary. The second time through gave much better insight to what I believe you were saying. Writing that draws the reader back for a second look is good writing, in my estimation.
Well done.
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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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I noticed that you changed the rhyming in some of the stanzas and then returned to it.
That was a little distraction. Were you attempting to achieve something in particular with that style?
In the sixth stanza my instinct wanted to change "some" to "something", which is the more common phrase. That made me go back to reread the stanza and ultimately the entire poem. The first read through was dreary. The second time through gave much better insight to what I believe you were saying. Writing that draws the reader back for a second look is good writing, in my estimation.
Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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The rhyming change was mostly my inability to say what I wanted to say while keeping the rhyme scheme the same. I hoped it could be overlooked. This came out a little disjointed, probably because it came from a dream. I wrote it down as quickly as I could but I lost some of it anyway.
You are right about the "some", it is suppose to be "something". Somehow I read it as it was suppose to be when I proofread it. It was so obvious when it was pointed out to me but I skimmed right over it before. Thank you for pointing it out.
I don't think I wrote this as well as I could have wished for. Part of that, I believe, is because this came from a dream. I wrote it down as quickly as I could but some of it was lost and I had some difficulty putting it into words.
Comment from rheabug
This was a wonderful poem for the read. I enjoyed it very much. I would say it is excellent and I hope it gives you much recognition! God Bless!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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This was a wonderful poem for the read. I enjoyed it very much. I would say it is excellent and I hope it gives you much recognition! God Bless!
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much for your kind review. I've had two typos pointed out so far and some people find it somewhat disjointed. Part of that,I believe,is because this came from a dream. I wrote it down as quickly as I could but some of it was lost and I had some difficulty putting it into words.
