Reviews from

Happy Holidays?

Description of a dream

63 total reviews 
Comment from frierajac
Excellent
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Fascinating dream poem. Was it a lucid dream, I wonder. Its all just right except the
question mark after "fall" in stanza #7. The beginning imagery is well composed to
exemplify the insanity of the mass of humans.

 Comment Written 24-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 24-Nov-2017
    It was quite a lucid dream. I'm not sure what you mean about the question mark after "fall". I used no punctuation and there were several questions. Are you saying there should be a question mark after that one line? I appreciate the feedback.
Comment from Walu Feral
Excellent
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G'day mate.

Fabulous and very wise. Beautifully rhymed and tells a huge story of man's deed or should I say misdeeds? I really enjoyed picking the meanings from this.

Quality work and I wish I had a six left.

Cheers Fez

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
    Yes, definitely misdeeds. Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem. I appreciate your feedback.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
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A very well-written poem about a dream that explains our twisted ways we see the birth and death of Christ. All the bad and sad news in the world today are definitely have an influence on our sub conscious.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
    Yes, I guess it does. Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem.
Comment from KL Williams
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That is quite an interesting dream, and also impressive that you've put it in such poetic form. You speak a lot of truth about our somewhat sad history. The line that stood out the most to me was "So little we've gained from all that we've lost". That last stanza also really hits home and makes one think. Great job, and thank you for sharing!

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
    Thank you so much for reading my poem and for your kind review. I am glad you got what I was trying to say here.
Comment from sharonlshelley
Excellent
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lovely poem nice flow very enjoyable to read and the picture does it justice some emotion of life in the words, thanks for sharing your work with us sharon

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
    Thank you for reading my poem and for your review. I appreciate your feedback.
Comment from Irish Rain
Excellent
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Very deep. I think we all create that which is, simply by accepting it. I personally believe in Christ, but love the bunny. The underlying theme of life can only be love. And that is what was missing from so much of the outrages in history. We had greed, not love. I really enjoyed this, blessings...

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2017
    Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem. I appreciate your feedback and I'm glad you got my meaning.
Comment from Ricky1024
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Exception all pronounced.
Note- full and proud.
A dream touched "Saddened Reality."
As the Stars Kissed The Moon.
, Goodbye..
FOREVER..
Dr.Ricky 1024
"Preaching the Choir," here at Fan Story Land....

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
    Do the Stars Kiss the Moon every night when it comes out? Thank you for your very kind and generous review. I wasn't sure what people would think about this one.
reply by Ricky1024 on 19-Jul-2017
    No, unfortunately when it comes to Stars...
    Twinkle little star is A myth but...
    If you want to believe...
    In God...
    It does exist...
    Dr.Ricky.....
Comment from Sis Cat
Excellent
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Wow.

Memories fade but your acts always last

This is a powerful poem inspired by a surreal dream of a twisted Thanksgiving dinner where:

There were a dozen dead natives with turkey to eat
People standing in line to wash a man's feet
Children dressed as demons awaiting a treat
In the south, millions re enact a defeat

You talk with raw language and metaphors of how Christianity and religion are twisted and used as weapons against Native Americans. Describing and recalling a nightmarish vision upon awakening, you ask:

What are the reasons we do what we do
Is it because we have something to prove
Do we know where we're going and what is the cost
So little we've gained from all that we've lost

The answers are unsettling as intended.

Your rhymes are secondary to your profound, stark message:

Forgiveness is easy if you are asked
Memories are ever part of the past

My only advice is to keep that pen and paper on your nightstand to write down more dreams that sound like modern Revelations.

Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
    Thank you for your insightful review. Some people don't seem to quite understand what I am trying to say in this poem. I did want to get across the idea of how some use Christianity as a weapon to inflict their ideas on others who don't believe as they do. I do keep pen and paper handy and have scribblings in several notebooks around at all times. Some of those scribblings don't make much sense when I'm fully awake though.
reply by Sis Cat on 19-Jul-2017
    I keep a flashlight-pen on my nightstand and taught myself to write in the dark.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
    It's not always the lack of light that makes my late-night scribbles unusual. It is sometimes that they just don't seem to make as much sense when I read through them later.
Comment from beizanten
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Interesting first paragraph. What holiday is this poem refer too. Great and very well written poetry overall. This deserve 5 stars. Please keep up the good work alright.

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
    There were several holidays I was trying to allude to. Easter, where we have rabbits delivering eggs while Christ is nailed to a cross, Thanksgiving (in the United States), with the Native Americans, Valentine's Day, and Columbus day. Mostly it's about how we celebrate them and what they are supposed to mean to us.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
    Thank you for reading my poem and for your review. I appreciate your feedback.
Comment from lalajovanoski
Excellent
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Hello my dear friend, I very much enjoyed reading this beautifully written poem. I love the way that this Rhymes it's very soft and subtle and smooth. Great flow and nice structure. I also like the alliteration a lot. Thank you very much for sharing this. God bless you. With love, Lola

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2017


reply by the author on 19-Jul-2017
    Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my poem. I appreciate the feedback.