Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "The Venus fly trap "A book of Poetry & Writing
91 total reviews
Comment from BLACKDYKE
A new format in this little gem GW
I like the inconsistency of it all.
The continuing dark eyed girls part
and the picture. Everything fits so
well. Read it again and again, you'll
find more! Eric
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A new format in this little gem GW
I like the inconsistency of it all.
The continuing dark eyed girls part
and the picture. Everything fits so
well. Read it again and again, you'll
find more! Eric
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from jadapenn
This was a deep poem about the wiles of a woman. She charms you and then goes off spending and enjoying life while you sit at home and wait for her. Before she's ruined you financially. Men don't learn.:) Well written. luv jada
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This was a deep poem about the wiles of a woman. She charms you and then goes off spending and enjoying life while you sit at home and wait for her. Before she's ruined you financially. Men don't learn.:) Well written. luv jada
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from Smoothiecool
your well chosen words and vivid images allow the reader to see and feel the love and lost in this relationship
story told well
flows easy read
cheers ..Smoothiecool
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your well chosen words and vivid images allow the reader to see and feel the love and lost in this relationship
story told well
flows easy read
cheers ..Smoothiecool
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from Jay Squires
Good poem, deepwater. Filled with heartbreak, you convey it nicely to the reader. A few things for your consideration, nothing more:
while staying at home, [same syllable count if it were: "While I stayed home". Also, the reader's eye won't go back to the previous line to see if it is she you are referencing. Just a thought.]
his heart was lost, [Is there a reason you went from the first to the third person?]
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Good poem, deepwater. Filled with heartbreak, you convey it nicely to the reader. A few things for your consideration, nothing more:
while staying at home, [same syllable count if it were: "While I stayed home". Also, the reader's eye won't go back to the previous line to see if it is she you are referencing. Just a thought.]
his heart was lost, [Is there a reason you went from the first to the third person?]
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from essieli
Incredible! Very emotional and vivid; each line brought a new scene to mind. I could literally see and feel the love fading over time. I especially loved your final line, however it did seem a little rushed. Nonetheless, this poem is excellent! Thank you for posting!
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Incredible! Very emotional and vivid; each line brought a new scene to mind. I could literally see and feel the love fading over time. I especially loved your final line, however it did seem a little rushed. Nonetheless, this poem is excellent! Thank you for posting!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
Comment from Caressa_08
Very touching, free verse if true, with a picture & some kind of title, very catchy.....I guess in life, we all have encounters, regrets & then time to try to get over, comtemplate & move on with our lives....
Caressa
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Very touching, free verse if true, with a picture & some kind of title, very catchy.....I guess in life, we all have encounters, regrets & then time to try to get over, comtemplate & move on with our lives....
Caressa
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
Comment from flylikeaneagle
17 June 2014
Deepwater: I like the rhythm of the story, poem with the middle excitement. Seems like she broke his heart with him sitting at home and her traveling. Well written!!!
flylikeaneagle
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17 June 2014
Deepwater: I like the rhythm of the story, poem with the middle excitement. Seems like she broke his heart with him sitting at home and her traveling. Well written!!!
flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
Comment from boxergirl
Well told story of love that was lost and how the male gender often gets swept in to the dark eyed girls seductions. Not sure you came blame Adam's fall all on Eve. 8-)
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Well told story of love that was lost and how the male gender often gets swept in to the dark eyed girls seductions. Not sure you came blame Adam's fall all on Eve. 8-)
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
Comment from JudyS
deepwater, I guess I started in the middle of a book. I'll try and figure that out. I enjoyed this read a lot. Very well written and seem straight from your heart. Great job. Judy
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deepwater, I guess I started in the middle of a book. I'll try and figure that out. I enjoyed this read a lot. Very well written and seem straight from your heart. Great job. Judy
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
Comment from words
An interesting take on the love lost theme.
You told the story well.
Attraction. Hope. Love. Marriage and then abandonment.
d
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An interesting take on the love lost theme.
You told the story well.
Attraction. Hope. Love. Marriage and then abandonment.
d
Comment Written 17-Jun-2014
