Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "The Venus fly trap "A book of Poetry & Writing
91 total reviews
Comment from Cajungirl
What a well-written, yet sad poem. Too many folks enjoy saying they are in love when actually they mean that they love the word love. Since the beginning of time we've had lovers who were untrue. Thanks for sharing.
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What a well-written, yet sad poem. Too many folks enjoy saying they are in love when actually they mean that they love the word love. Since the beginning of time we've had lovers who were untrue. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from marijmd
She's more than any old man would dream,
to have, as his bride
Ah what a romantic you are! Of course your a poet - that often goes hand and hand!
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She's more than any old man would dream,
to have, as his bride
Ah what a romantic you are! Of course your a poet - that often goes hand and hand!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Are blue-eyed girls any more faithful? Men and women both leave their lovers for other things, other people. It's the oldest sad story there is. You told this one well.
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Are blue-eyed girls any more faithful? Men and women both leave their lovers for other things, other people. It's the oldest sad story there is. You told this one well.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, deepwater, you did an excellent job writing this quatrain poem about the girl that stole the man's heart and then threw it away when she was done
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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this is very well written, deepwater, you did an excellent job writing this quatrain poem about the girl that stole the man's heart and then threw it away when she was done
Comment Written 19-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2014
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Thank you for reading
Comment from DanielEkine
It is really true by the author. Man always failed from the beginning of time. A good style and formatting executed in the poem. The title reads chapter, but I read it more as a thought-provoking poem.
A brilliant line.
"Two sprites, so intertwined,"
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It is really true by the author. Man always failed from the beginning of time. A good style and formatting executed in the poem. The title reads chapter, but I read it more as a thought-provoking poem.
A brilliant line.
"Two sprites, so intertwined,"
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from Sueswrite
I love how each small phrase of two lines work together to flow into the next two. The story line is great and it really works perfect from start to finish. The grammatical structure stays persistent throughout your writing and I enjoyed reading this. Good luck with your writings.
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I love how each small phrase of two lines work together to flow into the next two. The story line is great and it really works perfect from start to finish. The grammatical structure stays persistent throughout your writing and I enjoyed reading this. Good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from Charlene0513
To deepwater,
The loss of a lover or one that claims she cared can sometimes have the redemptive feeling and that maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
Nice proximate rhyming--What more to take, his heart was lost, this dark eyed girl now gone.
He sits at home and blames himself for the things he wished he'd done
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To deepwater,
The loss of a lover or one that claims she cared can sometimes have the redemptive feeling and that maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
Nice proximate rhyming--What more to take, his heart was lost, this dark eyed girl now gone.
He sits at home and blames himself for the things he wished he'd done
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from michaelcahill
This reads fairly smoothly and delivers the message with clarity. There are a few things I might suggest to improve, but not everyone wishes their words tampered with. Where you say while staying at home, you might say while I stayed at home just to make it more clear as I paused for a moment to clarify that. It isn't wrong, just a thought. And maybe a little dash after Eve- the apple, just to set it apart. Little things, I hope you don't mind the suggestions. Good work. mikey
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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This reads fairly smoothly and delivers the message with clarity. There are a few things I might suggest to improve, but not everyone wishes their words tampered with. Where you say while staying at home, you might say while I stayed at home just to make it more clear as I paused for a moment to clarify that. It isn't wrong, just a thought. And maybe a little dash after Eve- the apple, just to set it apart. Little things, I hope you don't mind the suggestions. Good work. mikey
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2014
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I did change thanks
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Took a look, I like your ideas much better. Well done.
Comment from Leonardo Wild
Hi deepwater:
--Two sprites so intertwined,
Should it be:
>>Two spirits so intertwined, >>
A very interesting poem, though I'm not sure if the long lines help make it more readable, or perhaps you might consider shortening them (if it's not going to break some poetry rule for this particular type of poem).
Best,
Leonardo
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Hi deepwater:
--Two sprites so intertwined,
Should it be:
>>Two spirits so intertwined, >>
A very interesting poem, though I'm not sure if the long lines help make it more readable, or perhaps you might consider shortening them (if it's not going to break some poetry rule for this particular type of poem).
Best,
Leonardo
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
Comment from McMurry903
I can surely relate here, GW. I've had many sorted relationships that have left me in ponder along with a failed marriage under my belt. Good imagery and emotion throughout. I've reviewed a couple of your other pieces and must say this is my favorite thus far. Excellent work!
Brian
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I can surely relate here, GW. I've had many sorted relationships that have left me in ponder along with a failed marriage under my belt. Good imagery and emotion throughout. I've reviewed a couple of your other pieces and must say this is my favorite thus far. Excellent work!
Brian
Comment Written 18-Jun-2014
