As Fragile is the Love
a pantoum sonnet - see contest rules124 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
Brooke, this is a pretty pantoum sonnet - I wonder if it is the effect of those repeating lines that makes the form so suitable for love poems...
Your rhyme and meter is perfect of course, so that just leaves the content to comment on. I have to admit I didn't see the full meaning of your first lines at first reading.
On a second reading I decided that the 'as fragile as....' referred to the 'I' starting the second line and that fits with later 'not bold'. However it still gives you a small problem with the last couplet, as now the descriptive phrase doesn't have a target to apply to.
The overall sense is clear, though, and this should do well in the contest.
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Brooke, this is a pretty pantoum sonnet - I wonder if it is the effect of those repeating lines that makes the form so suitable for love poems...
Your rhyme and meter is perfect of course, so that just leaves the content to comment on. I have to admit I didn't see the full meaning of your first lines at first reading.
On a second reading I decided that the 'as fragile as....' referred to the 'I' starting the second line and that fits with later 'not bold'. However it still gives you a small problem with the last couplet, as now the descriptive phrase doesn't have a target to apply to.
The overall sense is clear, though, and this should do well in the contest.
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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thank you for your thoughtful feedback, Steve Brooke
Comment from DR DIP
wow that is beautiful Brooke I love the repetition of the theme line and even the proximate rhyme works here as well! lol
seriously that is a really nice read and I see it as a possible song
xxdip
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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wow that is beautiful Brooke I love the repetition of the theme line and even the proximate rhyme works here as well! lol
seriously that is a really nice read and I see it as a possible song
xxdip
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Dip, thank you, my friend :-) Brooke
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if you get a chance I would love your opinion on my love song lyrics BACK HERE IN YOUR ARMS
xxdip
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I'll go take a look
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I thought the title sounded familiar - it's one I reviewed earlier today or yesterday
Comment from nancyjam
A beautiful entry in the contest, meeting
all the requirements of a Pantoum Sonnet
as to rhyme, meter, repeating lines etc.
and a lovely theme of devotion to a loved one.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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A beautiful entry in the contest, meeting
all the requirements of a Pantoum Sonnet
as to rhyme, meter, repeating lines etc.
and a lovely theme of devotion to a loved one.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Nancy, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from acerisestory
This is a wonderful Pantoum Sonnet, Brooke! I attempted one a while back and found it to be most difficult. Yours flows wonderfully -- and makes sense, too! I like the repeating alliteration: 'will wither'. Best of luck with the contest. Alana
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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This is a wonderful Pantoum Sonnet, Brooke! I attempted one a while back and found it to be most difficult. Yours flows wonderfully -- and makes sense, too! I like the repeating alliteration: 'will wither'. Best of luck with the contest. Alana
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Alana, you're right - it's a tricky form :-) Thanks so much. Brooke
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A beautifully penned poem, Brooke and of course a lovely picture to. I was thinking about entering this, but it is full. I could write one anyway, couldn't I? Best wishes in the contest. Take care, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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A beautifully penned poem, Brooke and of course a lovely picture to. I was thinking about entering this, but it is full. I could write one anyway, couldn't I? Best wishes in the contest. Take care, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Debbie, thank you so much :) Of course you can write one anyway - 95% of the poems I post are not for contests. Brooke
Comment from boxergirl
Whew. I don't know how you do it. I looked at this design last week and it makes me dizzy trying to keep up with all the different repetitions. I think I will just keep enjoying reading yours. 8-)
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Whew. I don't know how you do it. I looked at this design last week and it makes me dizzy trying to keep up with all the different repetitions. I think I will just keep enjoying reading yours. 8-)
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much, boxergirl :-) I love writing repeating forms, but yes, it is like a very challenging puzzle. Brooke
Comment from emrpoems
you have fulfilled all the requirements of the prompt. second and fourth lines have been repeated as the first and third in the second stanza
the first and third lines of the first stanza have become he lines of he couplet
Good use of the abab rhyming scheme
Well paired picture and poem
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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you have fulfilled all the requirements of the prompt. second and fourth lines have been repeated as the first and third in the second stanza
the first and third lines of the first stanza have become he lines of he couplet
Good use of the abab rhyming scheme
Well paired picture and poem
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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emrpoems, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from krys123
Brooke, what actually written Pantoum And I wish you good luck in the contest. Your poem was written quite elegantly and a feeling of divine romance was written in each verse.
Your rhythm held everything together to its meter and tempo
And neither of your rhymes were forced to ignore labored while this rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your Pantoum.
The delicate picture of Sawyer with his girlfriend underneath the umbrella and it has a very soft touch to it and works really well with this poem. Thank you for sharing them posting this for everyone and may you have a good one went over you do.
Alex
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Brooke, what actually written Pantoum And I wish you good luck in the contest. Your poem was written quite elegantly and a feeling of divine romance was written in each verse.
Your rhythm held everything together to its meter and tempo
And neither of your rhymes were forced to ignore labored while this rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your Pantoum.
The delicate picture of Sawyer with his girlfriend underneath the umbrella and it has a very soft touch to it and works really well with this poem. Thank you for sharing them posting this for everyone and may you have a good one went over you do.
Alex
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Alex, thank you so much :-) I appreciate your thoughtful reading of this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Eric1
A wonderful and beautiful pantoum sonnet, i like the way you describe that a heart will wither if not given away or shared with another, Beautiful work
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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A wonderful and beautiful pantoum sonnet, i like the way you describe that a heart will wither if not given away or shared with another, Beautiful work
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much, Eric :-) Brooke
Comment from mommydear42
Brooke, your poems never cease to delight me. I really liked the comparison of love to down. We don't always see them; but
faith tells us it is there and it is real.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Brooke, your poems never cease to delight me. I really liked the comparison of love to down. We don't always see them; but
faith tells us it is there and it is real.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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mommydear, thank you so much :-) Brooke
