The Eyes Have It
Rose has quite the green thumb -- or red, perhaps...50 total reviews
Comment from sibhus
Definitely has that feel of a saturday midnight showing of some b-grade horror movie. The first -person approach to this prompt is really interesting. I would have to agree it gives the reader a chance to use is own imagenation. A really good entry for the contest and good luck.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Definitely has that feel of a saturday midnight showing of some b-grade horror movie. The first -person approach to this prompt is really interesting. I would have to agree it gives the reader a chance to use is own imagenation. A really good entry for the contest and good luck.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thank you very much, sibhus. Your encouraging words and acknowledgment that the first person approach really worked for you truly means a great deal to me.
Thanks again!
Comment from daeneam
I'm glad I have saved 6-stars and this piece, although a quite long read, should receive those stars! Great job!
This is a kind of story that, instead of sending shiver down my spine, brings out the worst (thoughts) out of me. I hate people who cover their true personality. I am a very transparent person and I hate pretensions. While this is a fiction story, I think it also happens in reality. c", Mae
PS I have written a nicer comment earlier today, but it was not saved.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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I'm glad I have saved 6-stars and this piece, although a quite long read, should receive those stars! Great job!
This is a kind of story that, instead of sending shiver down my spine, brings out the worst (thoughts) out of me. I hate people who cover their true personality. I am a very transparent person and I hate pretensions. While this is a fiction story, I think it also happens in reality. c", Mae
PS I have written a nicer comment earlier today, but it was not saved.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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My dear Mae. You have so honored me with your insights and well written review. I too don't care too much for two-faced individuals who try to pretend to be something they're not. Furthermore, the thought that someone could hurt a child, or anyone else for that matter, in such a manner truly terrifies me. I write about the things that get under my own skin, the types of things that make my own flesh crawl. Ben Pfizer certainly did that to me.
Thanks so much again for your exceptional rating and wonderful review. I am deeply honored.
Comment from Christopher Lones
Everything about your story is insane. Your choice of only using dialog was interesting. It made it feel more like I was listening to a radio broadcast or something. I did get kinda confused as to who was talking at some points though. Maybe if you mark who's talking like they'd do when writing a script.
exp.
John: bla de bla de bla
Jane: nee ner nee ner nee
John: Bidy bla bla bla
Kate: waka waka wak
If you did that, it would be hella easier to read. For me at least, your writing seams pretty popular on here so you might know better than me on what everybody likes.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Everything about your story is insane. Your choice of only using dialog was interesting. It made it feel more like I was listening to a radio broadcast or something. I did get kinda confused as to who was talking at some points though. Maybe if you mark who's talking like they'd do when writing a script.
exp.
John: bla de bla de bla
Jane: nee ner nee ner nee
John: Bidy bla bla bla
Kate: waka waka wak
If you did that, it would be hella easier to read. For me at least, your writing seams pretty popular on here so you might know better than me on what everybody likes.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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No, I value your opinion, Lones, and I never discount anyone's ideas outright. There is always room for improvement, and even the great Stephen King himself has an editor. I obviously want it to be a terrifying, but entertaining and fun, reading experience for everyone who cares enough to take the time to read it, not just for a few.
I've only seen one other story done in this manner. It was in a horror anthology, and the author's name that wrote it escapes me at the moment. What I do recall, however, is that it scared the beejeezus outta me. There is only one person doing the talking, all throughout this entire story, and that is one person is Rose. No one else, only her. That being said, I wouldn't have anyone else to assign a part to.
I'm sorry that didn't come across to you, that it was only her you could hear speaking. Ben's responses, screams, etc., I have left that up to your imagination. So, if you heard, or thought you heard, another person speaking, then I have done my job, did exactly what I set out to do.
Thanks so much for your review, and for taking the time to read it. I appreciate that, very much.
Comment from lancellot
Well, I guess you changed your mind about entering the contest. That's okay, I like what you've got here. It will be hellish to beat, but that's okay, I love a challenge and this will be a hard one. I love that you kept the clown involved almost like three act beginning, middle and end. The commercial break was pure genius.
You are the master, my friend. Well done. I am going back to the woodshed to edit (a lot!)
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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Well, I guess you changed your mind about entering the contest. That's okay, I like what you've got here. It will be hellish to beat, but that's okay, I love a challenge and this will be a hard one. I love that you kept the clown involved almost like three act beginning, middle and end. The commercial break was pure genius.
You are the master, my friend. Well done. I am going back to the woodshed to edit (a lot!)
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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Thanks, Lance, and you're absolutely right, I wasn't going to enter this contest. But when Mike beat me by one vote with Patient 325 for Story of the Month, I couldn't resist. I even voted for him, and respect his prowess as a writer in the horror genre. He's a uniquely gifted talent. However, much the same could be said about yourself as well. You write erotica horror like no one I have ever seen, published or unpublished... and I read a lot! many of the stories I've read by you have gotten an involuntary shiver outta me. Plus, i feared the contest wasn't going to fill up, that some of the spots would remain open. The writers here weren't exactly beating my door down to get a spot in line.
All that being said, I really appreciate your gracious review and rating. Anyhow, how in the heck did you know for sure that it was me?
Thanks again, Lance, for everything buddy!
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Your style is well known. Yeah, Mike is red hot with those tales.
PS. The commercial has a few misspellings, I wasn't sure if you were treating that as dialogue and so it was on purpose.
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I'll have to go back and take a look see. Some of the misspellings were done on purpose, for humor's sake. I'll go back and see if I can find what you're making reference to.
Comment from adewpearl
I'm going to be honest and tell you straight out I'm going to read this long story for enjoyment and not for spag issues :-)
What a gruesome and sadistic tale this is of revenge in its most violent form visited on this awful awful man, who now gets a taste of his own medicine - You convey her taunting of him and his pain and horror so well. Now I need to go read some rainbow and kittens poems :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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I'm going to be honest and tell you straight out I'm going to read this long story for enjoyment and not for spag issues :-)
What a gruesome and sadistic tale this is of revenge in its most violent form visited on this awful awful man, who now gets a taste of his own medicine - You convey her taunting of him and his pain and horror so well. Now I need to go read some rainbow and kittens poems :-) Brooke
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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Don't forget butterflies, daffodils and faery-dust, Brooke, heh heh...
Thanks for giving this one a shot. I really appreciate it!
Comment from c_lucas
Now is the time to stock your eyeballs for the next Fiesta. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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Now is the time to stock your eyeballs for the next Fiesta. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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Or fingers, or tongues, or ears. The body has many parts that are readily and rather easily removed, Charlie.
Thanks for your comments.
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I'll skip your menu, but you are welcome.
Comment from dreamin'
Oh. My. God! You immediately transported me to the 1970's for Creature Feature, Night Gallery, and Tales of the Unexpected. This was certainly more frightful (I will have nightmares tonight) than would have ever been shown on TV, but masterfully done.
That it was done first person was the best way to make it even more "horrific." It forces the reader to imagine all that is being done to Ben.
After we discover that he really wasn't a victim, that he was getting what he deserved, it was much easier to read.
I do wish she hadn't kicked the dog, though.
The commercial break was brilliant! Nothing else need be said.
Okay, I'm done now. But just so all of these accolades don't go straight to your head, I would be remiss if I did not point out the misspelled word at the very beginning: "...Circus Freak, coming to you dead and in person from somewhere withinin (within?)the dank, dark catacombs..."
Thanks for the GREAT Sunday afternoon entertainment.
Best of luck with the contest.
Debbie
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Oh. My. God! You immediately transported me to the 1970's for Creature Feature, Night Gallery, and Tales of the Unexpected. This was certainly more frightful (I will have nightmares tonight) than would have ever been shown on TV, but masterfully done.
That it was done first person was the best way to make it even more "horrific." It forces the reader to imagine all that is being done to Ben.
After we discover that he really wasn't a victim, that he was getting what he deserved, it was much easier to read.
I do wish she hadn't kicked the dog, though.
The commercial break was brilliant! Nothing else need be said.
Okay, I'm done now. But just so all of these accolades don't go straight to your head, I would be remiss if I did not point out the misspelled word at the very beginning: "...Circus Freak, coming to you dead and in person from somewhere withinin (within?)the dank, dark catacombs..."
Thanks for the GREAT Sunday afternoon entertainment.
Best of luck with the contest.
Debbie
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thanks a bunch, Debbie, my dear! What a wonderful review. And a six star rating to go along with it. I'm truly blown away!
I'm really glad you enjoyed the POV this story was written from. And you have hit on precisely the reason I chose to write it that way, the chill factor. Sorry about the dog. I often write about things that terrify me the most, and I have three dogs of my own I dearly love. They're truly my best friends. If someone were to kick one of them, I'd be mortified!
Thanks so much for everything that you said. It is readers and reviewers like yourself that make all of the late night editing and writing worthwhile.
Comment from AAud
The opening made me nostalgic for the Crypt Keeper. Your puns rival that of the old Crypt Keeper (even though your MC is a clown - LOL).
And the pictures you included added to the whole creepy/fun experience!
What a hoot; having a commercial in the middle of the story. I got a kick out of those clever, riotously funny puns relating to hemorrhoids! Probably my favorite line was "stick where the sun don't shine, and feel good about it."
You definitely succeeded in all you set out to do. Having all the dialog come from Rose was a work of genius. Even without description, I could still "see" and hear it all.
The twist that Ben's victims were taking turns chopping him up was a nice touch. The whole story was lots of ghoulish fun!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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The opening made me nostalgic for the Crypt Keeper. Your puns rival that of the old Crypt Keeper (even though your MC is a clown - LOL).
And the pictures you included added to the whole creepy/fun experience!
What a hoot; having a commercial in the middle of the story. I got a kick out of those clever, riotously funny puns relating to hemorrhoids! Probably my favorite line was "stick where the sun don't shine, and feel good about it."
You definitely succeeded in all you set out to do. Having all the dialog come from Rose was a work of genius. Even without description, I could still "see" and hear it all.
The twist that Ben's victims were taking turns chopping him up was a nice touch. The whole story was lots of ghoulish fun!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2014
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Thanks so much for validating that this point of view actually worked for you, AAud. I've only seen one other story written in this manner, and the author won a Bram Stoker's Award for 2012 in the short horror fiction category. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm in no way implying that this is worthy of one of horror writings highest honors for literature. I'm just letting you know what inspired me to write it as I did.
Thanks again, for everything that you said. You have made my day!
Comment from thedreampeddler
How can this lose? I don't think it can, really. I am very impressed here, more impressed than usual, even.
I'm practically speechless, yet thoroughly entertained.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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How can this lose? I don't think it can, really. I am very impressed here, more impressed than usual, even.
I'm practically speechless, yet thoroughly entertained.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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Oh, it can lose, TDP, believe me. It can lose...
I'm very happy to see that you were entertained, my friend, for that is precisely what I set out to do with this story, entertain and terrify the ones who chose to read it. Good to see I'm batting .500 there with you. Unless, perhaps, it didmake you a bit queasy, scare you, and give you an unwashed feeling after having read it. You know, like you needed to go take a shower afterward.
Thanks so much for your generous review and comments. And we'll see just how well the story does when the bullet greets the meat, so to speak, and the voting begins.
Comment from ElegantButler
Just like the old EC comics of old! It is so wonderful to see such the old style returning to this world. You've captured the style of the old masters perfectly.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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Just like the old EC comics of old! It is so wonderful to see such the old style returning to this world. You've captured the style of the old masters perfectly.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2014
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Whew! Thank you, ElegantButler. I've had many editors read this story and tell me they have never been so entranced by one character relating her story. That makes all the late nights, effort and editing so very worth it. It is reviewers and readers like yourself which makes me take risks, brave chances, and keep trying harder to improve. I can't thank you enough for validating, in your eyes (excuse the pun, heh heh) anyhow, that I have done a good job.
Thanks so much again. I can't thank you enough.
