Bel Air: A Bard's Guide
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "To The Rescue!"Sequel to The Bard of Bel Air.
10 total reviews
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, you have woven some nostalgic and fun things into this write to make it interesting and quite readable. The reader has to love the Baird. It has intense scenes and a satisfying conclusion. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Mikey, you have woven some nostalgic and fun things into this write to make it interesting and quite readable. The reader has to love the Baird. It has intense scenes and a satisfying conclusion. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Pleased you are enjoying. The Bard is so much fun. I love throwing in references that only some of us will get! Little inside jokes. Ha! mikey
Comment from CR Delport
When I write my first draft, which is what I mostly post here on FS, I write things as they pop into my head, and most of my stuff comes out like the sentence below. However, when I start editing, I try and eliminate everything with adverbs and was/were etc. Take for example the sentence below.
The stairwell was dimly lit and led to a large room that was empty. --- After editing it might look more like this: The dimly lit stairwell led to a large, empty room. (In this case, dimly is necessary and I would leave it)
But that is just how I approach writing. I do enjoy this story. The Bard is always a hoot :)
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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When I write my first draft, which is what I mostly post here on FS, I write things as they pop into my head, and most of my stuff comes out like the sentence below. However, when I start editing, I try and eliminate everything with adverbs and was/were etc. Take for example the sentence below.
The stairwell was dimly lit and led to a large room that was empty. --- After editing it might look more like this: The dimly lit stairwell led to a large, empty room. (In this case, dimly is necessary and I would leave it)
But that is just how I approach writing. I do enjoy this story. The Bard is always a hoot :)
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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You have no idea how much I appreciate that sentence. I have the darndest time with sentences with "was" in them. Duh. It looks so simple when I look at it the way you have it. Hahaha. You should see some of the insane versions I come up with. I feel like 90% of my brain isn't working when I look at that!!!! Thank you, mikey
Comment from ravenblack
Just one problem- you only left a few bullets inside the pedophiliac traffickers. They should have been riddled. I get your references most of the time, but what are Zuzu's petals?
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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Just one problem- you only left a few bullets inside the pedophiliac traffickers. They should have been riddled. I get your references most of the time, but what are Zuzu's petals?
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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From "It's A Wonderful Life". Jimmy Stewart pretends to fix his daughter Zuzu's rose and puts the petals in his pocket. When he gets his life back he checks his pocket to see if the petals are in there.
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Thanks. You'd think I'd get this one as I probably saw that flick a thousand times.
Comment from adewpearl
American punctuation places commas and periods inside quotation marks
excellent detail of setting
lined up against the wall, who slumped - add comma
nodded to the Bard, indicating - add comma
good dialogue throughout
excellent choice of action verbs in the shootout scene adds to the drama
Brooke
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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American punctuation places commas and periods inside quotation marks
excellent detail of setting
lined up against the wall, who slumped - add comma
nodded to the Bard, indicating - add comma
good dialogue throughout
excellent choice of action verbs in the shootout scene adds to the drama
Brooke
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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The spell check on Word objects to the quote marks that way. I thought the way you're describing it was correct. I'm smarter than a mindless machine!! Pleased that you liked the dialogue and action. I have been working on those things. Thank you kindly, mikey
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I've never met a spell check, syllable count or grammar check app I trust. They were all programmed by someone high I'm crack. LOL
Comment from seaglass
I loved this chapter. The action was truly well described, making me picture it. The evil plans of the perfs were clear without allowing crude events to occur. (That would have been tacky) The drowning of the creepy guy is left to interpretation which keeps Bart a bit of a mystery. Great wind-up of this part of the saga.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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I loved this chapter. The action was truly well described, making me picture it. The evil plans of the perfs were clear without allowing crude events to occur. (That would have been tacky) The drowning of the creepy guy is left to interpretation which keeps Bart a bit of a mystery. Great wind-up of this part of the saga.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2014
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Yes. I don't like writing crude or violent, so I usually leave it to the imagination. I figured it would be better if the Bard remained a mystery when it came to "did he or didn't he". Glad you liked this. I was hoping the action seemed realistic enough. :) mikey
Comment from l.raven
Michael, LMAO...I bet you are just like Bard...but smarter...LOL...I mean in a sense of humor way...well they got on the boat just in time to help Nettie......and Bard asked Clarence what to do...and he said...Go get Zuzu's pedals...so he drowned the man...and then the police showed up...Goddess Lucy...how sweet he is...
you would have gotten along good with my passed husband...same sense of humor....get mad a neighbor for treating to kill our dog...he met him early one morning...he told the man if he ever threatened anyone one in his family he would be sorry...he lit up his cigar and told the man the last one who got me this mad...they can't find him...he called the mans wife a fat f---king bitch...told her to go back in her house...the man did nothing...OK lets go get Angela...Luff Linda xxoo out of sixes..******
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Michael, LMAO...I bet you are just like Bard...but smarter...LOL...I mean in a sense of humor way...well they got on the boat just in time to help Nettie......and Bard asked Clarence what to do...and he said...Go get Zuzu's pedals...so he drowned the man...and then the police showed up...Goddess Lucy...how sweet he is...
you would have gotten along good with my passed husband...same sense of humor....get mad a neighbor for treating to kill our dog...he met him early one morning...he told the man if he ever threatened anyone one in his family he would be sorry...he lit up his cigar and told the man the last one who got me this mad...they can't find him...he called the mans wife a fat f---king bitch...told her to go back in her house...the man did nothing...OK lets go get Angela...Luff Linda xxoo out of sixes..******
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Sounds like my kind of guy!! I think I want to get everyone to Vegas and get Diamond and Ruby up on a stage maybe. Just thinking out loud. Got to get them out of the water and Catalina is kinda small... mikey
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sounds like a great time...Luff
Comment from Nosha17
This was a slick chapter, good shoot out with the main characters victorious. Wish there were more efficient cops and people in the LA police force, one might say. Exciting write and most enjoyable. Faye
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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This was a slick chapter, good shoot out with the main characters victorious. Wish there were more efficient cops and people in the LA police force, one might say. Exciting write and most enjoyable. Faye
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Yep, I've lived in L.A. most of my life. It is a wish that we all have! Glad you are enjoying. Mikey
Comment from nordicgirl
Yes!!!!! A perfectly coordinated rescue that I believed and came across as completly real. The Bard showing his skills and his quirky humor. Lucy as a strong female character that is also real and not cartoonish. You are a womans best friend. Your female characters are heroic and real just like they are in real life. Bravo! NG
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Yes!!!!! A perfectly coordinated rescue that I believed and came across as completly real. The Bard showing his skills and his quirky humor. Lucy as a strong female character that is also real and not cartoonish. You are a womans best friend. Your female characters are heroic and real just like they are in real life. Bravo! NG
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you
Comment from ProjectBluebook
I like the way the Bard describes things. The evil twins, so forth. there was a heap of bullets fired. Lots of live action!!!!!! That pedophile got what he deserved. Crabs scavenging his bones. Nice touch. Barney Fife? funny guy. Naughty nickers, two n words go together well. Enjoyable chapter, seems you have round up the porn ring. Wonder what is coming next? The Bard is turning into a hero, diving in after that scumbag. He's no ordinary homeless person. He's got it all, it seems. The total package. Hum, wonder if he scores a girlfriend out of this gig. Nice job, Mikey. I won't say good, remember your poem? This is fantastic! Later Lion King.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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I like the way the Bard describes things. The evil twins, so forth. there was a heap of bullets fired. Lots of live action!!!!!! That pedophile got what he deserved. Crabs scavenging his bones. Nice touch. Barney Fife? funny guy. Naughty nickers, two n words go together well. Enjoyable chapter, seems you have round up the porn ring. Wonder what is coming next? The Bard is turning into a hero, diving in after that scumbag. He's no ordinary homeless person. He's got it all, it seems. The total package. Hum, wonder if he scores a girlfriend out of this gig. Nice job, Mikey. I won't say good, remember your poem? This is fantastic! Later Lion King.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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He kind of has Lucy in tow, but he is a bit nuts. But, that never stopped me so he should do okay!! Onward!! mikey
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Oh, crap, I'm laughing so hard, I nearly pissed in me knickers. Maybe, there is hope for me? LOL!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Yay! Great action scene for saving Nettie. Pigs is the right word.... wait, pigs are too nice. Pigshit is the right word for those guys.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Yay! Great action scene for saving Nettie. Pigs is the right word.... wait, pigs are too nice. Pigshit is the right word for those guys.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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I wanted to use that but some of the readers are so delicate. Yeah, it is insulting to pigs that supply delicious bacon! mikey
