Unbind my Mind.
Designed to... (jaq cee)18 total reviews
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Jaq,
well I can see why this poem was the contest winner... the desire to gain the upper hand to mind control... good luck with that! No, only joking... our thoughts can be changed within the spark of a Neuron as you have so eloquently penned... I just love the positive tone of this construction... in anyone's world, or in anyone's mind, this is a winner!
With our thoughts we create,
positive outcomes,
James xx
******Stars!!!!!!
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Hi Jaq,
well I can see why this poem was the contest winner... the desire to gain the upper hand to mind control... good luck with that! No, only joking... our thoughts can be changed within the spark of a Neuron as you have so eloquently penned... I just love the positive tone of this construction... in anyone's world, or in anyone's mind, this is a winner!
With our thoughts we create,
positive outcomes,
James xx
******Stars!!!!!!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Lol James, you are right, if only we could harness all that energy in our minds how powerful would that be.
Every day is a new challenge and it has to be met head on. Sometimes the clutter in my mind I allow hamper that progress, but in the end I get there.
Take good care of yourself and Jade, light n love, Jaq xxx
Comment from rouskin
no more my mind will be maligned by thoughts not of the hope-filled kind. It really deserves to be a winner Congratulations !
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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no more my mind will be maligned by thoughts not of the hope-filled kind. It really deserves to be a winner Congratulations !
Comment Written 11-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2014
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rouskin many thanks indeed, your review is much appreciated xx
Comment from adewpearl
congratulations on your contest win
good use of mono-rhyming - I appreciate that you managed to carry this off without forcing rhymes and ending up with lines that make little sense
excellent use of enjambment
great alliteration in no more my mind will be maligned
you deliver a thoughtful message in good poetic form
Brooke
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2014
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congratulations on your contest win
good use of mono-rhyming - I appreciate that you managed to carry this off without forcing rhymes and ending up with lines that make little sense
excellent use of enjambment
great alliteration in no more my mind will be maligned
you deliver a thoughtful message in good poetic form
Brooke
Comment Written 10-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much Brooke, it's always much appreciated to have your reviews. God bless, Jaq xx
Comment from Raphael Montonaro
A good transformational poem....these are very hard to write with the right message......very good form and exceptional wording.. well done!
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2014
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A good transformational poem....these are very hard to write with the right message......very good form and exceptional wording.. well done!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2014
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Many thanks Raphael for reading and reviewing so kindly. :) x
Comment from NurseBarb
Very clever use of words and rhyming to describe the mind and what it goes through on a day to day basis. Perfect picture to accompany this poem as well. So well written.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2014
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Very clever use of words and rhyming to describe the mind and what it goes through on a day to day basis. Perfect picture to accompany this poem as well. So well written.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2014
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I'm glad you enjoyed this poem, many thanks for you kind words and for taking the time to review. :) x
Comment from Judy Couch
Very nice poem. I like the rhyme and rhythm of it. I like the feeling it expresses. It is easy to read and you didn't appear to be struggling to get the right rhyming words.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Very nice poem. I like the rhyme and rhythm of it. I like the feeling it expresses. It is easy to read and you didn't appear to be struggling to get the right rhyming words.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Many thanks for your fine review :) x
Comment from Karen B.
Love the message of leaving negative thoughts behind and moving on. Well written, meeting the rhyming requirements for the contest. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Love the message of leaving negative thoughts behind and moving on. Well written, meeting the rhyming requirements for the contest. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Glad the message was clear for people, thank you for your review. :) x
Comment from RYME4U
Nicely done self analysis here. The rhythm is even and the mono-rhyme is done well.You have presented it well and the train of thought is clear and consistent
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Nicely done self analysis here. The rhythm is even and the mono-rhyme is done well.You have presented it well and the train of thought is clear and consistent
Comment Written 09-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Many thanks RYME4U for your well presented review. :) x
Comment from Domino 2
This is excellent, mystery writer.
Very sad and heart-rending plea for love and/or something better than just sh*t.
I had to look up 'zen' - a Japanese religion based on Buddhism, and my dicky has it capitalised. It's fine, or maybe 'zone' which is more understandable though I admit less poetic and imaginative.
2nd stanza has one too many syllables for perfect meter. Maybe:
'where love and joy are redefined' OR 'with love and happiness defined (or 'assigned')'
3rd stanza:
You start with an EMPHASISED syllable which throws the meter. Maybe:
'de-FEAT-est-THOUGHTS...'
I SEE YOU'VE MADE AMENDMENTS AND THIS IS NOW THOROUGHLY DESERVED OF MY SIXER.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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This is excellent, mystery writer.
Very sad and heart-rending plea for love and/or something better than just sh*t.
I had to look up 'zen' - a Japanese religion based on Buddhism, and my dicky has it capitalised. It's fine, or maybe 'zone' which is more understandable though I admit less poetic and imaginative.
2nd stanza has one too many syllables for perfect meter. Maybe:
'where love and joy are redefined' OR 'with love and happiness defined (or 'assigned')'
3rd stanza:
You start with an EMPHASISED syllable which throws the meter. Maybe:
'de-FEAT-est-THOUGHTS...'
I SEE YOU'VE MADE AMENDMENTS AND THIS IS NOW THOROUGHLY DESERVED OF MY SIXER.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 09-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Wow what a thorough review Ray's Hearsay. So glad you stopped by to point out the mistakes. Rhythm is not my best attribute, poetically that is :) x
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LOL. You got my vote. xx
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Many thanks, that means I have at least one. ;-) LMAO x
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Do you know you can vote for yourself nowadays - TRUE - a new site rule, but don't tell anyone. :-) xx
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
good mono rhyme through out verses
good enjambment to allow free flow within verses
your well chosen words allow the reader to see and feel the wish to free ones mind of unwanted turmoil and bring back joy and peace
cheers..Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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good luck in the contest
good mono rhyme through out verses
good enjambment to allow free flow within verses
your well chosen words allow the reader to see and feel the wish to free ones mind of unwanted turmoil and bring back joy and peace
cheers..Smoothiecool
Comment Written 09-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Ahh thanks Smoothiecool for your insightful review :) x
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most welcome..SC
