Comment from jim vecchio

Excellent

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 Comment Written 05-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2023

😂😂😂😂
Grand review, thank you, Jim.

Not quite sure what happened there or how you managed to sniff out this piece buried in the murky corners of my portfolio. I suspect I tried to disable it because I was entering the original poem for an off-site contest that banned previously published poems. Some organisations are ambiguous as to whether they think posting on FanStory means something is published.

Anyway, I have fully disabled it now.

I am a little disappointed you didn't award six stars for this masterpiece.

Steve

reply by the author on 06-Sep-2023

PS Just checked and this was the original poen that sat in that spot. Enjoy!
KayCee
? who grew far too fond of mobile phones and met a dreadful fate

A girl named Kaycee Forsyte-Jones
Grew far too fond of mobile phones.
There were a dozen she could choose
Of richly variegated hues -
A pink one with HDTV,
A green one that would help her pee
By imitating running water,
(Have you tried that? Perhaps you oughtta.)
A blue for music, red for school,
A purple one that, as a rule,
Young KayCee took to bed at night,
Although she knew it wasn't right,
For you, by now, should understand
That KayCee liked to have on hand
At least two phones and often three
So she could talk or text (or pee)
At any time of night or day.
If she were yours, what would you say?

Her father, QC Rupert Jones,
Was not a fan of mobile phones.
"IMHO," he gruffly said,
"Don't hold that thing so near your head.
Invisible and deadly rays
May fill your brain with toxic sprays
And make a mishy-mushy splatter
Of what we used to call grey matter.

Her mother (She's the Forsyte part)
Told KayCee fondly from her heart,
"Don't mind your father, KayCee dear,
That last case turned him rather queer,
But really it would please us so
If just for once you would let go
Your phone while sitting at the table
And in the bath if you are able.
I have it on quite good advice
It isn't proper, isn't nice
To text while you are on the loo
Or while your boyfriend's kissing you."
Now KayCee, you may well have guessed,
Was in her teenage years, the best
Time of her life, so some would say,
(Though not her parents who've gone grey)
And teenagers, I'm sure you know,
Don't listen to their parents, so
Young KayCee shut out every word,
She thought it silly, quite absurd.
And then, another teenage trait,
She used her phone for six hours straight
And even when she went to bed
She clasped the thing tight to her head.
Oh, woe is me, the angels weep;
Miss Forsyte-Jones went off to sleep,
Her phone still plastered to one ear.
O, gentle reader, shed a tear,
For we all know that such offending
Just cannot have a happy ending.

Yes, overnight, as you suspected,
KayCee and her phone connected.
Now that is not a metaphor;
Though KayCee cried and scratched and swore
A flood, a torrent of abuse,
The wretched thing would not come loose.
In fact, by gradual degrees,
As KayCee shouted, "Help me, please!"
The purple phone oozed through her ear
Where it would fully disappear.
Quite gone! It vanished! Not a trace!
Except her slightly swollen face
And faintly, just the strangest thing,
Inside the girl there came a ring.

Now, Mrs Forsyte, Mr Jones,
Alerted by their daughter's tones,
Came racing to her urgent aid.
Alas, too late, for there, displayed
In KayCee's eyes, a message read,
"There's six missed calls. My battery's dead."

So to the hospital they rode,
Quite thankful for her silent mode,
And there the doctor, Ram Patel,
Cried, "Oh, good gracious! Bloody Hell!"
(He'd just arrived from Bangalore
Where evidently doctors swore)
"You know that this is nothing new;
I've seen such cases, quite a few.
She'll be OK, she's in no pain,
The phone's attaching to her brain.
The MRI shows that a probe
Is piercing her frontal lobe
And in medulla oblongata
Has started hijacking her data --
Miley Cyrus, favourite dolls,
Justin Bieber, fear of trolls --
In just an instant I am fearing
Your daughter's brain is disappearing.
There's nothing left of KayCee's self,
So take her home and find a shelf
Where she can lie, warm, dry and clean
To be an answering machine.

reply by jim vecchio on 06-Sep-2023

Thank you so much! Now I know the rest of the story! Mail it to me on Sunday and I promise six stars!

reply by jim vecchio on 06-Sep-2023

I must have answered your other note first. I owe you a sixth star!

reply by the author on 06-Sep-2023

Glad you liked it. That one takes pride of place in my book "Forty-Four Fabulous Funnies."

reply by jim vecchio on 07-Sep-2023

Is the book for sale?

reply by the author on 07-Sep-2023

yes it is. If you go to Amazon Books and search for it by name "Forty-Four Fabulous Funnies" and Author Steve Herbert you should find it. 👍👍👍Steve

reply by jim vecchio on 07-Sep-2023

I will do tht soon!

reply by the author on 08-Sep-2023

Thank you.
As you probably know, poetry books don't sell well and for some reason Amazon refuse to send me my royalties reach a certain level. It's been years so far and I still haven't cracked that threshold. Perhaps just one more order will push it over the top!

reply by jim vecchio on 08-Sep-2023

I have to order a chest with drawers for my room so I will try to order your book at the same time!

Comment from Raul1

Excellent

Very humorous! I just kept on laughing the whole time. Excellent writing. I would keep on reading it forever. kidding! Keep up the laughs, buddy. Excellent!

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 03-Aug-2018

Raul, thanks for the cute comments. Obviously there has been a stuff-up here. The poem that should have held that spot was one I disabled because it was entered in an outside contest. Then when I tried to re-enable it, the poem had vanished and I haven't got round to fixing it yet - partly because I didn't think anyone would ever stumble across the now non-existent poem.

Although, in a weird kind of way, the text as it now stands, almost fits the title of Disabled Poem!

If you like I can rummage around and find the text of the original (which is really quite funny)

Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Steve

Comment from joeruptak

Exceptional

I enjoyed this so much I read it over twice
I can only say good things about it the humor was fantastic,
the rhyme and flow was right on. fantastic job

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015

Thanks, Joe - you must have been rooting around in the archives to come across this one!

Steve

Comment from pattipac

Excellent

Your poem of KayCee's phone addiction, and ultimate demise is creatively spun with a rhyme-scheme and humor that make it an enjoyable read. Deserving of a six, but alas my pockets are empty.

 Comment Written 21-Nov-2014

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2014

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

This is absolutely hysterical. I can relate to the cautionary tale but have to admit my kids were before cellphones and I don't even own one...so I guess I safe.

 Comment Written 07-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 07-Oct-2014

.... and thanks for back-tracking and finding this one, too. I hope to end up with a series that may be publishable.

Steve

Comment from robbme

Exceptional

Oh, the information age! Where we can look up anything we could possibly want to on those tiny handheld devices (most of which are not so tiny anymore), yet all we seem to want to look up is cute cat videos and celebrity gossip.

A wonderful read! I quite enjoyed this as the irony is that mine never leaves my side either but I'm smart enough to get it out of my ear when need be. Nice to have something to laugh at today as I quite needed that so I thank you.

 Comment Written 04-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Sep-2014

Thanks for the kind words and the six stars.

Perhaps a little surprisingly, this has made its way to the top of the Best Poems list, so it must have struck a chord (or a funny-bone) with most people.

Steve

Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

Wonderful! It is engaging and hilarious as well. Thoroughly enjoyed the read. I hope you do well with your idea of a book. This would be so much fun to read a collection. Wow! You go girl!

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014

Thanks, Drew - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Judy Couch

Excellent

This is funny and fun to read. I especially liked the ending where she became an answering machine. Something parents of teenage girls are going to fear.

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2014

Thanks, Judy - glad you enjoyed this piece of nonsense.

Steve

Comment from maggieadams

Exceptional

This well rhymed and rhythmic poem is indeed a cautionary tale....really too close to the truth, I am afraid. I loved that it became far-fetched, instead of her dieing while texting and driving. Keep writing these tales about the misuse of technology...maybethey will get through. Well done, Steve.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2014

Thanks, Maggie, for the great review and the six stars - much appreciated.

Steve

Comment from nelliesellie

Excellent

I love the picture. I love the poem. It could be a good moral for modern teenagers. Do not become to attached to your phone. It will take over your life and you can become an answering machine. Great work.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2014

Thanks fo the kind words.

Steve