KayCee
A cautionary tale...66 total reviews
Comment from acerisestory
I need to add my "exceptional" to the rest! This is an amazingly cautionary tale, written so very well. I have a 17-year-old granddaughter who is glued to her mobile phone. She needs to read this!! Wonderful rhyme and meter. I especially like the line: 'quite thankful for her silent mode'. Thanks for sharing with us. Alana
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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I need to add my "exceptional" to the rest! This is an amazingly cautionary tale, written so very well. I have a 17-year-old granddaughter who is glued to her mobile phone. She needs to read this!! Wonderful rhyme and meter. I especially like the line: 'quite thankful for her silent mode'. Thanks for sharing with us. Alana
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Alana, thanks for your kind words and the six shiny stars - I am glad you enjoyed this. Pleas share it with your grand-daughter - just don't expect it to make any difference to her phone habits!
Steve
Comment from Delahay
This is a wonderful "Cautionary Tale for Children" that you have written. You obviously put a lot of effort and thought into this. While it is written with a great deal of humor it also is quite serious in the message it is meant to convey. I no doubt that the message can be missed by some though.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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This is a wonderful "Cautionary Tale for Children" that you have written. You obviously put a lot of effort and thought into this. While it is written with a great deal of humor it also is quite serious in the message it is meant to convey. I no doubt that the message can be missed by some though.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Do kids spend too much time on phones? yes
Will reading this poem make any difference? No.
But at least we can get a laugh out of it, which we won't be able to do when they become social misfits or get brain tumours.
Steve
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Dear Steve,
I think I might have gotten this review wrong. I didn't try to tell you exactly who,
what, when and where you were writing about.
Since you let me know how to do it right.Ward
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hi Steve,
Great little story here, with a moral for all who can still hear... had me chuckling a few times, lol. I missed the cell-phone age with my kids by a couple of years, TG! It reminded me of something my mother used to say when my brother and I watched TV, however... "If you stare at the screen too long, your eyes will freeze to the screen, and you'll become a brainless zombie", lol. Although, now that I think about it, I have a few friends... Anyway, this was a fun read, built with a solid rhyme scheme that made for an enjoyable experience, thanks... looking forward to the next installment, later, bud, Bill
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Hi Steve,
Great little story here, with a moral for all who can still hear... had me chuckling a few times, lol. I missed the cell-phone age with my kids by a couple of years, TG! It reminded me of something my mother used to say when my brother and I watched TV, however... "If you stare at the screen too long, your eyes will freeze to the screen, and you'll become a brainless zombie", lol. Although, now that I think about it, I have a few friends... Anyway, this was a fun read, built with a solid rhyme scheme that made for an enjoyable experience, thanks... looking forward to the next installment, later, bud, Bill
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Thanks for the great review and the six stars.
It's a little hard to say whether this craze is just another 'don't pull funny faces because the wind may change' or whether there is a serious possibility of social or physical harm...
Any suggestions for further instalments?
Steve
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Your welcome... Hey, what about a kid that becomes so absorbed in a video game... he's sucked in! In the end, his parents are looking for him, and he can hear and see them, looking back out of the game, but can not respond. They find the game, turn it off, and all they hear is a small wail before all goes quite. Just a thought... if I think of anything else, I'll contact you by PM. Later, Steve, Bill
Comment from gazzagodbod
had to be a six for this cracker I reckon you could do a cracker about safe sex in the same style obviously im to pure and innocent to understand such things lol loved it only a six will do gazza
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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had to be a six for this cracker I reckon you could do a cracker about safe sex in the same style obviously im to pure and innocent to understand such things lol loved it only a six will do gazza
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Gazza - I am rather fond of this piece.
Hadn't thought about a safe sex one - not something I've ever practised.... I mean thought about.
Steve
Comment from Dean Kuch
I read this last night before I had a sixth star to lay on you, Steve. So, here it is, my clever friend.
Good night, what an undertaking! What makes this bit of social satire worthy of all the accolades it's raking in is because it just happens to be true. What are the youth of today but stumbling, bumbling robotic extensions of their smart phones, ipods, and tablets? Just go into any fast food dive where wi-fi connections are available, and observe how many are on the aforementioned devices.
Thus is too funny, and I'm not going to heap a bunch of worthless adjectives on you.
Let's just say it's great, and leave it at that.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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I read this last night before I had a sixth star to lay on you, Steve. So, here it is, my clever friend.
Good night, what an undertaking! What makes this bit of social satire worthy of all the accolades it's raking in is because it just happens to be true. What are the youth of today but stumbling, bumbling robotic extensions of their smart phones, ipods, and tablets? Just go into any fast food dive where wi-fi connections are available, and observe how many are on the aforementioned devices.
Thus is too funny, and I'm not going to heap a bunch of worthless adjectives on you.
Let's just say it's great, and leave it at that.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Dean, thanks so much for the great review and the six stars - and for waiting so you could give it to me.
I think you are right that this appeals so much because the exaggeration is not really that great. As a teacher I deal with kids all the time who would be lost without their devices. Just listen to them squeal when you try to take it from them.
Any suggestions for the next suitable target?
Steve
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Heh, you're very welcome, Steve, and you certainly don't need any suggestions from an old horror hack like me. You do just fine on your own, LOL.
You could do one about how the nightly news reports nothing but bad news. That would be interesting?!
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
You have my approval, man, this is good, genius even, and the crafting is impeccable, untouchable. I won't ruin this masterpiece of story lore with any more review, but can't wait to read the next one. Kenny
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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You have my approval, man, this is good, genius even, and the crafting is impeccable, untouchable. I won't ruin this masterpiece of story lore with any more review, but can't wait to read the next one. Kenny
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Kenny, thanks for the generous review and stars.
What do you reckon I should target next?
Steve
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I dunno, that's a biggie, but you bagged the biggest one. There's plenty of fresh meat out there, I'm sure. I'm so far removed from kids anymore that I don't pay much attention, except, how can they be missed constantly thumbing those goofy phones?
Comment from Nosha17
I would prefer to say a cross between Hilaire Belloc and Edward Lear. My favourite Hilaire Belloc was The Fleas that tease in the High Pyranees. Sounds like a really good project to undertake. This was an excellent write, which only goes to show that the classical tales and rhymes are the best (in my book, anyway)Great rhyming, flow and content. Faye
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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I would prefer to say a cross between Hilaire Belloc and Edward Lear. My favourite Hilaire Belloc was The Fleas that tease in the High Pyranees. Sounds like a really good project to undertake. This was an excellent write, which only goes to show that the classical tales and rhymes are the best (in my book, anyway)Great rhyming, flow and content. Faye
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Faye, thanks for the warm review and six shiny stars.
Steve
Comment from livelylinda
Steve: this is original, new and fresh and so right for our times. Your imagination blossomed wide open to come up with this tale. And, I think, perhaps, that it could really happen this way. . .great poem and continue with your tales. livelylinda
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Steve: this is original, new and fresh and so right for our times. Your imagination blossomed wide open to come up with this tale. And, I think, perhaps, that it could really happen this way. . .great poem and continue with your tales. livelylinda
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Linda, thanks so much for the generous review and the six lovely stars.
Steve
Comment from Donya Quijote
This was a hoot! As a teacher I can't tell how many times I've had to my students to turn it off. Sooner or later, I think this scenario you have laid out is really quite possible. My students laugh at me when I tell them that only thing the phone makes smart it is back pocket where they put it most often. They laugh at the pun.
Great rhyming and storytelling. I'm still laughing...
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reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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This was a hoot! As a teacher I can't tell how many times I've had to my students to turn it off. Sooner or later, I think this scenario you have laid out is really quite possible. My students laugh at me when I tell them that only thing the phone makes smart it is back pocket where they put it most often. They laugh at the pun.
Great rhyming and storytelling. I'm still laughing...
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Thanks for the great review - I am a teacher too so I know how loud my students squeal when their phones are confiscated...
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
Gruesome and funny at the same time.
Lots of inventive lines and turns of phrase
throughout, Steve.
Doctors really swear in Bangalore?
I think you've it on a marevelous basis for a series,
Steve. And 'the new millennium' give you plenty of ammunition with which to work.
Good luck with your project.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Gruesome and funny at the same time.
Lots of inventive lines and turns of phrase
throughout, Steve.
Doctors really swear in Bangalore?
I think you've it on a marevelous basis for a series,
Steve. And 'the new millennium' give you plenty of ammunition with which to work.
Good luck with your project.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
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Can't beat gruesome AND funny. As for those Bangalore doctors, who can tell what they're saying half the time.
Any suggestions for future targets?
Steve
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Off the top of my head--fad diets, mega-large screen TVs. Medications? I'll give it some thought. L
