KayCee
A cautionary tale...66 total reviews
Comment from Angel Debbie
Wow! YOU KEPT ME READING ALL THE WAY THROUGH. GREAT JOB. I just couldn't wait to find out what happened in the end. Great story yes new Millennium here it comes!!! Great Job keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
  |
Wow! YOU KEPT ME READING ALL THE WAY THROUGH. GREAT JOB. I just couldn't wait to find out what happened in the end. Great story yes new Millennium here it comes!!! Great Job keep up the good work!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
Debbie, thanks for the kind words and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Good lord, Steve, I don't know where to begin. First of all, I think the idea or the premise of such a book is brilliant. And what a start! The rhymes are so clever, the story, though wild, manages to make perfect sense.
It's black humour, taken with a pinch of salt, yet somehow so relevant to the kids of today and the cell phone craze/phenomenon.
Really good. Had to give you a six. The poem is beyond clever, and deserves nothing less.
Av
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
|
Good lord, Steve, I don't know where to begin. First of all, I think the idea or the premise of such a book is brilliant. And what a start! The rhymes are so clever, the story, though wild, manages to make perfect sense.
It's black humour, taken with a pinch of salt, yet somehow so relevant to the kids of today and the cell phone craze/phenomenon.
Really good. Had to give you a six. The poem is beyond clever, and deserves nothing less.
Av
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
Av, thanks as always for the enthusiastic review and the six shiny stars.
Any ideas about kids today for more cautionary tales.
Steve
-
Video games (get off the sofa)
Television (ditto)
fast food
bullying
pyjamas in public (pet peeve. wtf is that about?)
God, I sound like some old whiney broad, don't I. I'm really not. LOL!
:)
-
Yep, I occasionally catch that 'Grumpies' series on TV and think, 'There but for the grace of God....'
Thanks for the suggestions.
Steve
Comment from seaglass
This is a very funny and masterful poetic fiction. It makes humor of an issue we all experience, teenage children addicted to their electronics.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
 |
This is a very funny and masterful poetic fiction. It makes humor of an issue we all experience, teenage children addicted to their electronics.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Kiwisteve,
Love the photo and poem together - truly a clever write! Cell phones are a definite issue with so many people and driving, which is not limited to kids either.
Really liked the choice of rhyme pattern too.
Well done.
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
|
Hi Kiwisteve,
Love the photo and poem together - truly a clever write! Cell phones are a definite issue with so many people and driving, which is not limited to kids either.
Really liked the choice of rhyme pattern too.
Well done.
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Alan K Pease
Well I think your future as a poet of "Cautionary Tales for the New Millennium" will be a success if fate follows the verse that you now created. Lovely poetics with humour overflowing.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
|
Well I think your future as a poet of "Cautionary Tales for the New Millennium" will be a success if fate follows the verse that you now created. Lovely poetics with humour overflowing.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
Alan, thanks for the warm review and the six stars - much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from judiverse
This is such a delight, I have to go with six stars for this. Don't know the "Cautionary Tales" book you referred to, but you have certainly done and excellent. Excellent rhyme and it flows very well. Great humor in this with your asides. Kaycee is certainly into the phone craze. Love your descriptions of the colors and the variety of uses for the phones. Of course she has to have several on hand for all occasions. Using the phone for six hours straight--I can believe that with teenagers. What an ending! The girl's brain is disappearing. What a fate--to be turned into an answering machine. This was certainly inspired. judi
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
|
This is such a delight, I have to go with six stars for this. Don't know the "Cautionary Tales" book you referred to, but you have certainly done and excellent. Excellent rhyme and it flows very well. Great humor in this with your asides. Kaycee is certainly into the phone craze. Love your descriptions of the colors and the variety of uses for the phones. Of course she has to have several on hand for all occasions. Using the phone for six hours straight--I can believe that with teenagers. What an ending! The girl's brain is disappearing. What a fate--to be turned into an answering machine. This was certainly inspired. judi
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
You can easily find the original Cautionary Tales on th internet - here is a snippet to whet your appetite...
There was a Boy whose name was Jim;
His Friends were very good to him.
They gave him Tea, and Cakes, and Jam,
And slices of delicious Ham,
And Chocolate with pink inside,
And little Tricycles to ride,
Andread him Stories through and through,
And even took him to the Zoo?
But there it was the dreadful Fate
Befell him, which I now relate.
Thanks so much for the great review and the six shiny stars.
Steve
-
Hi, Steve. You are so welcome, and you did a great job with your tale. judi
Comment from ElPoetry001
Excellent
I cannot improve your ideas a single bit, but it was so much fun to read, please indulge me when I to get-in the spirit Cautionary Tales for guys and gals.
KayCee became automated, and changed phones often to stay up dated, and programmed her whole day, but forgot bowel movements that would not go away, and so at school each day she would go to class but take a seat far away, for gas was gathering, and as they say,the pressure was high and she believed a release could send her on the fly.
Running to the bathroom to de-gas, and try to get back to class, was her plan but not the result, she passed more gas that a 10 foot adult.
The sound was loud, a giant roar, that shook the mirrors and the bathroom door, the school shut down for the rest of the day for the methane cloud could would not go away.
She finally realized how much robots, and phones can do for you, the problem is they just don't know when it is time to poo poo.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
|
Excellent
I cannot improve your ideas a single bit, but it was so much fun to read, please indulge me when I to get-in the spirit Cautionary Tales for guys and gals.
KayCee became automated, and changed phones often to stay up dated, and programmed her whole day, but forgot bowel movements that would not go away, and so at school each day she would go to class but take a seat far away, for gas was gathering, and as they say,the pressure was high and she believed a release could send her on the fly.
Running to the bathroom to de-gas, and try to get back to class, was her plan but not the result, she passed more gas that a 10 foot adult.
The sound was loud, a giant roar, that shook the mirrors and the bathroom door, the school shut down for the rest of the day for the methane cloud could would not go away.
She finally realized how much robots, and phones can do for you, the problem is they just don't know when it is time to poo poo.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
Thanks for the great review and for joining in the fun.
Steve
Comment from RGstar
Steve, this almost sounded like a limerick, yet cannot be as a limerick requires a specific rhyme scheme.
What a wonderful display of whit and execution in delivering this fine piece. Although long you kept the standard to the very end. A great piece of work, I say.
Great rhymes,great pace, great work.
Well done, my friend.
An easy six.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
|
Steve, this almost sounded like a limerick, yet cannot be as a limerick requires a specific rhyme scheme.
What a wonderful display of whit and execution in delivering this fine piece. Although long you kept the standard to the very end. A great piece of work, I say.
Great rhymes,great pace, great work.
Well done, my friend.
An easy six.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
Thanks so much for the review and the six stars - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from adewpearl
A delightful story - I can't wait for more in the series :-)
strong use of rhyming couplets with some very clever pairings
I love the examples of her various phones and their amusing functions
I'm dying of laughter at her sad sad fate - great use of pop culture allusions to add to the humor
a wonderful cautionary tale, one of my favorite genre of poems :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
|
A delightful story - I can't wait for more in the series :-)
strong use of rhyming couplets with some very clever pairings
I love the examples of her various phones and their amusing functions
I'm dying of laughter at her sad sad fate - great use of pop culture allusions to add to the humor
a wonderful cautionary tale, one of my favorite genre of poems :-) Brooke
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
Thanks Brooke.
I got a kick out of this one - now I'm scratching my head a little to come up with more that are not too similar. Any suggestions?
Steve
Comment from paulah60
A looong poem, Steve, but an engaging one that the reader just zips through! The only line that caught me out in terms of meter was:
'Is piercing her frontal lobe'. Should that be Is piercing (through) her frontal lobe?
All up though, very clever, very funny and with an important underlying message that no teenager will give a rat's arse about!
Love the ending!
Cheers
Paula
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
|
A looong poem, Steve, but an engaging one that the reader just zips through! The only line that caught me out in terms of meter was:
'Is piercing her frontal lobe'. Should that be Is piercing (through) her frontal lobe?
All up though, very clever, very funny and with an important underlying message that no teenager will give a rat's arse about!
Love the ending!
Cheers
Paula
Comment Written 08-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2014
-
Thanks, Paula.
A couple of reviewers have obviously stumbled on that line. I have looked at it again and don't see any problem as long as 'piercing' is given three full syllables. I'll take it under advisement, as they say in all the best US dramas...
Steve
-
Que? Piercing is only 2 syllables. Must be a Kiwi thing...you guys speak funny! LOL
-
tu es loco, senorita!
In my quaint kiwi way, I can choose to shorten the vowel sound to one syllable if required, but here I want to say Pee Ur Sing
... and stone the flaming crows, cobber, didja ever hear the one about glass houses?!
-
'Stone the flaming crows, cobber' ...WTF? That's ocker!! (In Kiwi-speak) I'm jest your everage Aussie. I might hev a potty mouth, but I say et wuth a refined eccent! LOL Did I get it right?
