I Played My Song
a wrapped refrain173 total reviews
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello adewpearl, Brooke, your poem is beautiful--hands down. Your rhyming scheme is, as always, silky smooth. The following two lines, "choked me" ...
but when you came, my way was cleared,
impediments all swept away,
(Be it, the love of a child, or the love of someone very special and dear ... inpediments are swept away, indeed.)
Warm and heartfelt, and I could feel the love beating throughout this poem.
Keep the blue waters flowing and keep 'em beating. Smiles, LateBloomer
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Hello adewpearl, Brooke, your poem is beautiful--hands down. Your rhyming scheme is, as always, silky smooth. The following two lines, "choked me" ...
but when you came, my way was cleared,
impediments all swept away,
(Be it, the love of a child, or the love of someone very special and dear ... inpediments are swept away, indeed.)
Warm and heartfelt, and I could feel the love beating throughout this poem.
Keep the blue waters flowing and keep 'em beating. Smiles, LateBloomer
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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thank you so very much, LateBloomer - I was pleased with impediments too :-) Brooke
Comment from mermaids
I never heard of a wrapped refrain but this poem flows like a song. I played my song but no one heard until you played it word for word,I feel like singing this line with a chorus. This poem is delightful and oh what fun to read!
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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I never heard of a wrapped refrain but this poem flows like a song. I played my song but no one heard until you played it word for word,I feel like singing this line with a chorus. This poem is delightful and oh what fun to read!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much, Elaine :-) Brooke
Comment from IndianaIrish
I don't recall this form, Brooke, so I looked it up. I think you did a wonderful write with this wrap around syllable/words. As always, your use of alliteration and enjambment make for a wonderful read. Best of luck in the contest.
Love your little lefty strummer and he'll make a,great rock star in his diapers!
Smiles,
Karyn : )
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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I don't recall this form, Brooke, so I looked it up. I think you did a wonderful write with this wrap around syllable/words. As always, your use of alliteration and enjambment make for a wonderful read. Best of luck in the contest.
Love your little lefty strummer and he'll make a,great rock star in his diapers!
Smiles,
Karyn : )
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much, Karyn :-) I'm hoping he's out of diapers by the time he makes it big. LOL Brooke
Comment from ArtGal
Brooke, what a very different kind of poetry form. But who else would dare take on a challenge like this? And what a wonderful job you did on this one. I love the beginning when he played his song but no one heard until you sang it. I feel that you helped clear his path by your very presence, and without your voice, he wouldn't have been heard. So good, and I wish you the best of luck. . .Sharon
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Brooke, what a very different kind of poetry form. But who else would dare take on a challenge like this? And what a wonderful job you did on this one. I love the beginning when he played his song but no one heard until you sang it. I feel that you helped clear his path by your very presence, and without your voice, he wouldn't have been heard. So good, and I wish you the best of luck. . .Sharon
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Sharon, thank you so much. This took me forever and a day to write :-) Brooke
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I can only imagine! It would only take me about a month or two, lolol!!!
Comment from Laurie Keim
HI A.
Delightful photograph.
This poem also sings. It is obviously a devotional poem with a sense of rapture in the last stanza.
The following phrases are tired and used, though.
"every breath you drew"
"what I hold true"
"I sought my path"
"blinding fog".
There is no reason for you to agree that imagination and originality are most valued aspects of poetry. Rhyming verse appears every where on commercials and birthday cards.
Cheers, Laurie Keim
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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HI A.
Delightful photograph.
This poem also sings. It is obviously a devotional poem with a sense of rapture in the last stanza.
The following phrases are tired and used, though.
"every breath you drew"
"what I hold true"
"I sought my path"
"blinding fog".
There is no reason for you to agree that imagination and originality are most valued aspects of poetry. Rhyming verse appears every where on commercials and birthday cards.
Cheers, Laurie Keim
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Laurie, thank you for reviewing. I consider your sentences about my not having to agree about imagination and originality come across as condescending. Brooke
Comment from donette1914
so adorable of your handsome grandson playing his guitar and singing, so cute i love to sing and play my guitar also well done always a pleasure
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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so adorable of your handsome grandson playing his guitar and singing, so cute i love to sing and play my guitar also well done always a pleasure
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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donette, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from dragonpoet
It sounds like Sawyer is one of your muses. He is a big inspiration to the music of your poetry.
Cute picture. As always. I goes will with the first stanza.
Keep writing.
Joan
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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It sounds like Sawyer is one of your muses. He is a big inspiration to the music of your poetry.
Cute picture. As always. I goes will with the first stanza.
Keep writing.
Joan
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Joan, he is most definitely my muse :-) Thank you so much :-) Brooke
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And a good muse he is. No problem, Brooke.
Joan
Comment from krys123
Brooke, The pictures darling and well complements your poem very much. Your rhyme, meter and tempo all were exceptionally done and neither of your rhymes were forced, labeled or strained while your rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem which made it easy for me to read your poem clearly. Your refrains were done rightfully so in which added to your poems excitement and reading and also accomplished the necessary item for your contest which I wish you all the best of luck.
Thank you for sharing them posting this for others and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Brooke, The pictures darling and well complements your poem very much. Your rhyme, meter and tempo all were exceptionally done and neither of your rhymes were forced, labeled or strained while your rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem which made it easy for me to read your poem clearly. Your refrains were done rightfully so in which added to your poems excitement and reading and also accomplished the necessary item for your contest which I wish you all the best of luck.
Thank you for sharing them posting this for others and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much, Alex, for your attentive and thoughtful review :-) Brooke
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You are so sincerely welcome
Comment from GracieAnn
Brooke, this one has lilting meter and rhyme and delivers a message for the reader in an eloquently simple way. It is a wonderful testament to true love no matter the object of the love. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Brooke, this one has lilting meter and rhyme and delivers a message for the reader in an eloquently simple way. It is a wonderful testament to true love no matter the object of the love. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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GracieAnn, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Kingsrookviii
I love the poem, but the picture just makes the whole package priceless. He is a south-paw like Jimi Hendrix! With all of that artistic talent to draw from, I think your poetry will be worth millions when he is rich and famous.
God only know what sort of music the kids will be playing by then! Great job.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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I love the poem, but the picture just makes the whole package priceless. He is a south-paw like Jimi Hendrix! With all of that artistic talent to draw from, I think your poetry will be worth millions when he is rich and famous.
God only know what sort of music the kids will be playing by then! Great job.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2014
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Thank you so much, Kingsrook :-) Right now he loves to sing along with Tom Petty's Free Fallin :-) Brooke
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Sawyer has great taste!
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of course he has other influences - the other night when he was out to dinner with his parents he broke into a perfect rendition of Achey Breaky Heart LOL Miranda assumes that is something his nanny plays ;-)
