The Hole Truth
Revenge is as random as the wind38 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
At times in life we feel so small and helpless. Your horror story plays on this well. You drew me in and made me feel like I was stuck in the middle of the action. Thanks for the pleasure of your well written story. :-)
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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At times in life we feel so small and helpless. Your horror story plays on this well. You drew me in and made me feel like I was stuck in the middle of the action. Thanks for the pleasure of your well written story. :-)
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you, Ric. I'm so glad it worked for you :-).
Mike
Comment from c_lucas
A twist of fate and being in the wrong place at the right time. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good job.
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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A twist of fate and being in the wrong place at the right time. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good job.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thanks so much, Charlie - I'm thrilled you enjoyed it, my friend.
Mike
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You're welcome, mike. Charlie
Comment from Dean Kuch
Having written my entry for this contest in February of this year, over three months ago, I knew the entries would begin pouring in on the last day for entering the competition. Needless to say, Mike, I am like a kid at Christmas time...
This well written entry certainly gives a whole new meaning to that time worn phrase, "Oh, piss on you!" I liked that part, amplified by the fact that our hero couldn't see initially what source the stream was coming from. We soon found out.
The Bakkus brother's certainly had every reason to be more than a little upset at this guy. After all, it was his negligence which caused their brother's untimely demise. Not only that, but he was, in fact, responsible, then blamed it on the unfortunate Brakkus who'd lost his life. What a callous turd, he deserved to suffer and die, but that's only my opinion.
This story makes us wonder if we, as relatively "normal" people (and I use the term "normal" quite loosely here) would turn into human monsters ourselves if a beloved brother or other family member was killed due to the incompetence of a gutless, uncaring wretch of a human being like James Benson. I wanted to feel sorry for the guy, I truly did. And I'll admit, you had me thinking that perhaps the Bakkus boys had made a grave error in identification. But, in the end, I think justice was served, and served quite coldly at that.
Well done, Mike. An excellent entry and formidable opponent in the contest, I would think.
NOTES/SUGGESTED EDITS
"A black gash in the ground, it didn't look man-made - more like the earth suffered a stab wound and it went bad."---No suggestions here, only compliments. Great descriptive metaphor...
~5 out of 5 skulls~
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Having written my entry for this contest in February of this year, over three months ago, I knew the entries would begin pouring in on the last day for entering the competition. Needless to say, Mike, I am like a kid at Christmas time...
This well written entry certainly gives a whole new meaning to that time worn phrase, "Oh, piss on you!" I liked that part, amplified by the fact that our hero couldn't see initially what source the stream was coming from. We soon found out.
The Bakkus brother's certainly had every reason to be more than a little upset at this guy. After all, it was his negligence which caused their brother's untimely demise. Not only that, but he was, in fact, responsible, then blamed it on the unfortunate Brakkus who'd lost his life. What a callous turd, he deserved to suffer and die, but that's only my opinion.
This story makes us wonder if we, as relatively "normal" people (and I use the term "normal" quite loosely here) would turn into human monsters ourselves if a beloved brother or other family member was killed due to the incompetence of a gutless, uncaring wretch of a human being like James Benson. I wanted to feel sorry for the guy, I truly did. And I'll admit, you had me thinking that perhaps the Bakkus boys had made a grave error in identification. But, in the end, I think justice was served, and served quite coldly at that.
Well done, Mike. An excellent entry and formidable opponent in the contest, I would think.
NOTES/SUGGESTED EDITS
"A black gash in the ground, it didn't look man-made - more like the earth suffered a stab wound and it went bad."---No suggestions here, only compliments. Great descriptive metaphor...
~5 out of 5 skulls~
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thanks so much, DK. I'd never bet against you in a horror contest but I did enjoy writing this and I'm thrilled you enjoyed it. Originally, I was going to have him genuinely innocent, then convince them of that but be killed anyway as a witness.
Then my wife suggested maybe he actually did do it, and still convinces them otherwise, and still dies but not for the reason he thought he might. Then every character there is left on the back foot. Justice is served but nobody knows it. Got to love irony :-).
I'd usually write more violent scenes than this, but I thought I'd try something less graphic and see if I could still make it effective.
Thank you for the detailed, awesome review.
Mike
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Hey, it was my pleasure, Mike. You listen to your wife's suggestions too, huh? Yeah, my wife is usually the first poor victim I spring my prose on, and I often listen to and even implement her suggestions. It's good to have a woman's perspective, I think, and my wife is by biggest fan, and harshest critic.
Good work, and although I have a dog in this fight as well entitled
MEDIEVAL, I do wish you the best of luck.
~Dean~
Comment from Sasha
This deserves a 6 but alas, I am out. I was so captivated by this story I began to feel the poor guy's agony. You do a superb and amazing job with this one. This is stunning entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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This deserves a 6 but alas, I am out. I was so captivated by this story I began to feel the poor guy's agony. You do a superb and amazing job with this one. This is stunning entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you, my wonderful friend :-). I wasn't sure I'd enter this contest but this story reared its head just in time. I'm so happy you liked it!
Mike
Comment from Muffins
This story started off with a bang and keep banging(literally until the end). I suspected Big Bro knew he caught the real guy and wasn't about to hear anything about an accident or excuses. I feel as if I just gotten off a roller coaster that I can't wait to get back onto again.
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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This story started off with a bang and keep banging(literally until the end). I suspected Big Bro knew he caught the real guy and wasn't about to hear anything about an accident or excuses. I feel as if I just gotten off a roller coaster that I can't wait to get back onto again.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Hehe, thank you Muffins :-). I love to leave some Interpretation to the reader and I'm glad you enjoyed getting into the story.
Mike
Comment from Riss Ryker518
Oh, yes, I certainly did enjoy this story! It was incredible! It had me hanging on every word. I swear, I almost smelled pee. Haha!! You did a FANTASTIC job with this story, and though I entered the contest too, I bow down...Definitely voting on this one, and I hope you win!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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Oh, yes, I certainly did enjoy this story! It was incredible! It had me hanging on every word. I swear, I almost smelled pee. Haha!! You did a FANTASTIC job with this story, and though I entered the contest too, I bow down...Definitely voting on this one, and I hope you win!
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, RR :-). I almost didn't enter this contest but decided very late in the day to give it a shot. Glad I did because the response to the story has been wonderful.
Mike
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. I was griped with this the whole way through. You give hope and take it away, a couple times..that is horror as well...to see the light and then get hit by a train...
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Hi. I was griped with this the whole way through. You give hope and take it away, a couple times..that is horror as well...to see the light and then get hit by a train...
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Absolutely! Thanks for the great feedback and getting the theme :-)
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
You set the stage and the tone well in your attention-grabbing intro
bash the face of one of them, but - add comma
You convey the narrator's fear and horror well
as you make it clear how dangerous this situation is
excellent sense of suspense
my life changed again, - I added that comma
It seemed like the hardest ordeal in the world, but - add comma
Strong ending, strong emotion
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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You set the stage and the tone well in your attention-grabbing intro
bash the face of one of them, but - add comma
You convey the narrator's fear and horror well
as you make it clear how dangerous this situation is
excellent sense of suspense
my life changed again, - I added that comma
It seemed like the hardest ordeal in the world, but - add comma
Strong ending, strong emotion
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 29-May-2014
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Thank you, Brooke :-). I'm a little out of practice with my stories so I appreciate the comma notes. I'm glad the ending came across as I hoped. Sometimes, truth has nothing to do with outcome. *shudder* lol
Mike
