The Hole Truth
Revenge is as random as the wind38 total reviews
Comment from Mike Battaglia
This was amazing. I apologize for not having any more sixes to give, sir...
The depth with which you plunged me into the character was deeper than the hole in which you wrote about. You kept me wondering, guessing, wanting to know. In other words, you kept me reading. Faster than I like to. That, sir, is a compliment of highest regard.
You kept the tension high, and the imagination with which you unfolded your tale is more than admirable. Not once did I feel the story wane.
The ending was devilish. Almost a double whammy. He's innocent... no wait a minute... is he? What the hell??
Bravo, sir.
Tight, well written, your prose is beautiful, your words immaculately picked to illicit just the right feel. You drew me in. I was there, in that hole, being pissed on.
Wherever this story came from, sir, I hope you have more. It was extremely well done.
If there were any spags, I didn't notice. I was too absorbed in the story, and to me, that makes this a fantastic story.
Bloody well done.
--Mike
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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This was amazing. I apologize for not having any more sixes to give, sir...
The depth with which you plunged me into the character was deeper than the hole in which you wrote about. You kept me wondering, guessing, wanting to know. In other words, you kept me reading. Faster than I like to. That, sir, is a compliment of highest regard.
You kept the tension high, and the imagination with which you unfolded your tale is more than admirable. Not once did I feel the story wane.
The ending was devilish. Almost a double whammy. He's innocent... no wait a minute... is he? What the hell??
Bravo, sir.
Tight, well written, your prose is beautiful, your words immaculately picked to illicit just the right feel. You drew me in. I was there, in that hole, being pissed on.
Wherever this story came from, sir, I hope you have more. It was extremely well done.
If there were any spags, I didn't notice. I was too absorbed in the story, and to me, that makes this a fantastic story.
Bloody well done.
--Mike
Comment Written 30-May-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, Mike - what a great review! SO glad you liked it, mate :-)
Mike
Comment from Hareem.S
This is a great story. The dialogues are very well structured and the plot is very interesting. It was a pleasure to read this tale.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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This is a great story. The dialogues are very well structured and the plot is very interesting. It was a pleasure to read this tale.
Comment Written 30-May-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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Thank you - I'm really glad you liked it.
Mike
Comment from ShirleyT
This is truly excellent writing. I was caught emotionally in your words, portraying the helplessness of the situation your character unwillingly found himself. Your use of words to display the setting, emotions and action of the story is remarkable. Job well done!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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This is truly excellent writing. I was caught emotionally in your words, portraying the helplessness of the situation your character unwillingly found himself. Your use of words to display the setting, emotions and action of the story is remarkable. Job well done!
Comment Written 30-May-2014
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, Shirley :-)
Mike
Comment from Jay Squires
Michael, this is the best example of writing I've seen in a long, long time. Your use of the verb astounds. "His gaze pinioned me." And that was the last of a string of verbs that alerted me, I am indeed reading a real writer.
Thank you for sharing this.
A small point:
It was night again when my life changed again, [You might want to find a synonym for one of the "again"s]
How I do wish I had a 6 to award you, Michael. This is worthy!
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Michael, this is the best example of writing I've seen in a long, long time. Your use of the verb astounds. "His gaze pinioned me." And that was the last of a string of verbs that alerted me, I am indeed reading a real writer.
Thank you for sharing this.
A small point:
It was night again when my life changed again, [You might want to find a synonym for one of the "again"s]
How I do wish I had a 6 to award you, Michael. This is worthy!
Comment Written 30-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thanks so much, Jay :-). I've fixed the again duplication by simply removing the first one. I'd fiddled with the line to fix a different problem and created the duplicate in the process!
This was an amazing review. It's comments like these that keep me writing when I doubt myself. There's no value to be placed on that.
Mike
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I can't imagine your ever doubting yourself. You are gifted, my friend.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, fleedleflump, you did an excellent job writing this story about the man who cheated death twice and lied about it but death found him in the form of revenge. I enjoyed reading it .good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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this is very well written, fleedleflump, you did an excellent job writing this story about the man who cheated death twice and lied about it but death found him in the form of revenge. I enjoyed reading it .good luck in the contest
Comment Written 30-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you, SWJ :-). Indeed, this one was all about the ultimate arbiter. So glad you liked it.
Mike
Comment from JB Lynn
I completely agree about the helpless aspects being what drives true horror stories. I like that everything wasn't "all okay" in the end of the story. This is chilling and frustrating, because you begin to think the main character is going to make it in the end. Brilliantly done. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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I completely agree about the helpless aspects being what drives true horror stories. I like that everything wasn't "all okay" in the end of the story. This is chilling and frustrating, because you begin to think the main character is going to make it in the end. Brilliantly done. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 30-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you, JB :-). To me that's the difference between horror and thriller - in a thriller, there's hope. I've written far more violent and nasty stories but I was specifically avoiding that here, trying for subtle horror. Thanks again!
Mike
Comment from JBCaine
FF-
Nice tale, Sir.
Lots of twists and turns here.
I saw nothing needing correcting,and enjoyed the read, even the author notes.
JBCaine-
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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FF-
Nice tale, Sir.
Lots of twists and turns here.
I saw nothing needing correcting,and enjoyed the read, even the author notes.
JBCaine-
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Tha ks very much for the great review, JBC - I'm glad you enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
Comment from Micki B
Two typos. ...top (of) my head (the last sentence in italic) and: The unique sound....filled (my) head.
The plot is good but I find the writing choppy and the flow a bit crooked. Overall the story needs to be clearer. Ending is good because of its unpredictability.The main character's trip to the hole is a bit horrific but you can build more suspense and horror with some minor torture to the character while in the hole. He seemed to spend a lot of time in the hole just being pissed on, degrading but not scary. I love the play on word in the title. It invited me to read the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Two typos. ...top (of) my head (the last sentence in italic) and: The unique sound....filled (my) head.
The plot is good but I find the writing choppy and the flow a bit crooked. Overall the story needs to be clearer. Ending is good because of its unpredictability.The main character's trip to the hole is a bit horrific but you can build more suspense and horror with some minor torture to the character while in the hole. He seemed to spend a lot of time in the hole just being pissed on, degrading but not scary. I love the play on word in the title. It invited me to read the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you, Micki :-). There's always an error or two that manages to slip through - duly fixed. I appreciate your thoughtful feedback on other elements. It helps me shape the next one more carefully. Many thanks.
Mike
Comment from ravenblack
Great pacing to this story. We are with him in the horrors of the hole. Makes me think of a case of mistaken identity and Guantamano, the true horror being sucked into the maw of an impersonal monster, the hole, and not really knowing why. And then the shocker- he was responsible for big bro's death. The flash and bang- final justice - was he placed in a building that was being demolished?
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Great pacing to this story. We are with him in the horrors of the hole. Makes me think of a case of mistaken identity and Guantamano, the true horror being sucked into the maw of an impersonal monster, the hole, and not really knowing why. And then the shocker- he was responsible for big bro's death. The flash and bang- final justice - was he placed in a building that was being demolished?
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you, raven :-). Originally, I was going to have him innocent and convince them of that but be killed anyway. Then my wife suggested, additionally, that perhaps he really did do it. Oh, the irony, lol. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Mike
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Fleedleflump,
Yes, this is the essence of horror, adding the final - 'Oh, sorry, you aren't who we thought - but you're dead anyway' - was a great ending to the tale.
Nicely done.
Patrick
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Hi Fleedleflump,
Yes, this is the essence of horror, adding the final - 'Oh, sorry, you aren't who we thought - but you're dead anyway' - was a great ending to the tale.
Nicely done.
Patrick
Comment Written 29-May-2014
reply by the author on 30-May-2014
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Thank you, Patrick :-). Indeed, who needs witnesses? I love to play with role reversals and I think that seeped in here. So glad you liked it!
Mike
