Softly ... from the Heart
John Lennon got it right ...87 total reviews
Comment from donnadiann
Nice tone of empathy here and good repeating line. The rhyming flows well and good structure on the pantoum. Real interesting line...in flowered parks that fade to smoky night. Good poem:)
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Nice tone of empathy here and good repeating line. The rhyming flows well and good structure on the pantoum. Real interesting line...in flowered parks that fade to smoky night. Good poem:)
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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thx so much donna! :)Sharyn
Comment from paulah60
Very well executed in terms of form, this poem also has substance!
And I agree, John Lennon was right, albeit idealistic. But the word 'IMAGINE' is a powerful one. Sadly, our imaginations have become impaired and are too often misappropriated, driven by intellectual enterprises rather than used to create 'from the heart'.
A lovely piece of writing, Sharyn!
Cheers
Paula
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Very well executed in terms of form, this poem also has substance!
And I agree, John Lennon was right, albeit idealistic. But the word 'IMAGINE' is a powerful one. Sadly, our imaginations have become impaired and are too often misappropriated, driven by intellectual enterprises rather than used to create 'from the heart'.
A lovely piece of writing, Sharyn!
Cheers
Paula
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Bless you Paula! :)Sharyn
Comment from fastdigits
An artistic rendering that could only
come from the heart, styled in music
that has a rhythm that must have
been conjured from deep inside one's
soul with lyrics that poignantly caress
feelings of the heart as they softly
lay out this scene that one sees all
around town.
Well done and good luck
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
 |
An artistic rendering that could only
come from the heart, styled in music
that has a rhythm that must have
been conjured from deep inside one's
soul with lyrics that poignantly caress
feelings of the heart as they softly
lay out this scene that one sees all
around town.
Well done and good luck
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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hey fd ... haven't seen you round for a while? Glad you came back just in time to part with one of your precious sixes my dear! Thank you so much!
hugs,
Sharyn
Comment from ElPoetry001
Excellent
Man is a charitable robot, sending a check, deducting a portion on the income tax form. Clean, efficient, no stooping to touch the humbled.
As Christ said, "What you do for the least of mine you do for me," does not translate in modern times to getting down among them.
We need to get people to shelters where the can be warm, or cool, and have a place to stay. However, most are over crowed, and many claim that others there steal from them, so they stay away.
We need a walk trough window for people who can be provided with a sandwich and a drink, McDonald's does it for money, we could do it as way to provide fast service for all who have a special need for a meal at the time.
No ID required. Some in the line are the greedy who probably get food stamps and other benefits, yet we are better off including the greedy in order not to exclude the needy. We will call it Monte's-Free-Burger.
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Excellent
Man is a charitable robot, sending a check, deducting a portion on the income tax form. Clean, efficient, no stooping to touch the humbled.
As Christ said, "What you do for the least of mine you do for me," does not translate in modern times to getting down among them.
We need to get people to shelters where the can be warm, or cool, and have a place to stay. However, most are over crowed, and many claim that others there steal from them, so they stay away.
We need a walk trough window for people who can be provided with a sandwich and a drink, McDonald's does it for money, we could do it as way to provide fast service for all who have a special need for a meal at the time.
No ID required. Some in the line are the greedy who probably get food stamps and other benefits, yet we are better off including the greedy in order not to exclude the needy. We will call it Monte's-Free-Burger.
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Thx so much ElP! :)Sharyn
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is lovely Sharyn - both the sonnet and pantoum forms perfectly executed and the content of your poem is pure magic. Nice reference to John Lennon and his song Imagine. I particularly like your final couplet. Good Luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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This is lovely Sharyn - both the sonnet and pantoum forms perfectly executed and the content of your poem is pure magic. Nice reference to John Lennon and his song Imagine. I particularly like your final couplet. Good Luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Thanks so much Dorothy!
:)Sharyn
Comment from MizKat
Hi Sharon,
I think I might have written this type of poem . . . but only once. I really don't know how to write poetry with all the rules. You did a magnificent job in writing this one. I really enjoyed it.
Kat
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Hi Sharon,
I think I might have written this type of poem . . . but only once. I really don't know how to write poetry with all the rules. You did a magnificent job in writing this one. I really enjoyed it.
Kat
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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bless you, Kat - pantoums are lovely to write! do another one!
:)S
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I think I'd be wasting my time on trying to write one. I know nothing about what iambic pentameter is or what 5 metered feet are. I'm a dunce when it comes to writing different styles of poetry.
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then just stick to what you love doing, Kat, right?
:)
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That's what I've been doing. I can't afford to go to lessons to learn how to write new styles. So I'll continue to write from my heart with God's help.
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
You have a definite command of meter and rhyme here--you own the pantoum altogether, hook, line, and sinker. Dismal job ahead of us I guess, unless we detour from our ordinary path of negligence. I'm not sure it's that simple, but this is aspiring and romantic work, you make. I've never tried one of these because of the artificialness the repeating lines make, but you did a bang up job with this one, and I like it. You're good. Kenny
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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You have a definite command of meter and rhyme here--you own the pantoum altogether, hook, line, and sinker. Dismal job ahead of us I guess, unless we detour from our ordinary path of negligence. I'm not sure it's that simple, but this is aspiring and romantic work, you make. I've never tried one of these because of the artificialness the repeating lines make, but you did a bang up job with this one, and I like it. You're good. Kenny
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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hey thanks Kenny - I actually love the pantoum form. The secret is in getting the repeating lines 1. not boring and 2. linking up to make sense in different contexts. But I enjoy the musicality of them. Thx so much my dear!
:)Sharyn
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It had all that, too; a classic write, freshly writ, I like the language.
Comment from rouskin
The bright and motley crowds will move as one,
ignoring men now rooting through the trash.
Those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run.
"Y' spare a dime? A little bit of cash?"
Very powerful write I'm going to vote for you Best of luck in the contest
Blessings, Rouskin
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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The bright and motley crowds will move as one,
ignoring men now rooting through the trash.
Those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run.
"Y' spare a dime? A little bit of cash?"
Very powerful write I'm going to vote for you Best of luck in the contest
Blessings, Rouskin
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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What a sweetheart, Rouskin! Bless you for your wonderful sixer my dear!
:)Sharyn
Comment from rama devi
Superb pantoum sonnet. I LOVE the repeating line
with city symphonies of pulsing lights
Flows and rolls off the tongue like silk candy.
The meter is flawless, the rhyming good. The phonetics--fantastic! Not just the line above, but the awesome consonance and alliteration of F plus consonance of P and S in these lines:
where Man builds empires softly ... from the heart
in flowered parks that fade to smoky nights.
Beautiful imagery and tone.
nice new frame and context here:
With city symphonies of pulsing lights
the bright and motley crowds will move as one.
In flowered parks that fade to smoky nights,
those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run. (Cute!!!)
Potent volta--giving a fresh angle and a strong social commentary:
The bright and motley crowds will move as one,
ignoring men now rooting through the trash.
(well worded with consonance of T)
Dramatic repeat in this context:
Those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run.
"Y' spare a dime? A little bit of cash?"
Outstanding closing couplet--strong message and beautiful flavor and tone.
Imagine re-creating life as art--
where Man builds empires softly ... from the heart
Grabs the heart! Brilliant poem. Six stars for you.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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Superb pantoum sonnet. I LOVE the repeating line
with city symphonies of pulsing lights
Flows and rolls off the tongue like silk candy.
The meter is flawless, the rhyming good. The phonetics--fantastic! Not just the line above, but the awesome consonance and alliteration of F plus consonance of P and S in these lines:
where Man builds empires softly ... from the heart
in flowered parks that fade to smoky nights.
Beautiful imagery and tone.
nice new frame and context here:
With city symphonies of pulsing lights
the bright and motley crowds will move as one.
In flowered parks that fade to smoky nights,
those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run. (Cute!!!)
Potent volta--giving a fresh angle and a strong social commentary:
The bright and motley crowds will move as one,
ignoring men now rooting through the trash.
(well worded with consonance of T)
Dramatic repeat in this context:
Those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run.
"Y' spare a dime? A little bit of cash?"
Outstanding closing couplet--strong message and beautiful flavor and tone.
Imagine re-creating life as art--
where Man builds empires softly ... from the heart
Grabs the heart! Brilliant poem. Six stars for you.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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oh YAY!!! My first review a sixer! Thx so much rd!
:)Sharyn
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:-)))
Comment from Charlene0513
To visionary1234,
I found this poem very disheartening which is filled with many people lamenting over how life as a whole has gone to "Pot." Only one person prides himself in making a difference.
Though a few lines proved positive with lines of metaphors.
Your lines were in sync for a Pantoum Sonnet.
Charlene
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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To visionary1234,
I found this poem very disheartening which is filled with many people lamenting over how life as a whole has gone to "Pot." Only one person prides himself in making a difference.
Though a few lines proved positive with lines of metaphors.
Your lines were in sync for a Pantoum Sonnet.
Charlene
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 20-May-2014
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aaah, but you didn't read the concluding couplet Charlene, did you? it's full of dreams and hope!
:)S
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yes I did! when I mentioned the one that tries to make a difference on his own. I could have elaborated but I was trying to make a point that no one can re-create the
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:)
