Softly ... from the Heart
John Lennon got it right ...87 total reviews
Comment from mfowler
This is a lovely piece, Sharyn. Your structure appears perfect and the metaphorical connections are very imaginative and thought provoking. Art is often said to mimic life, so turning the world around to'Imagine re-creating life as art', is a bit of a head twist. I can see this as cars and building reflect in the darkness with light scoming and going, dimming and flashing:city symphonies of pulsing lights. I like this too:those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run. I'm suspecting you mean that follow without one heartbeat and mindset in directions that aren't necessarily conducive to life well lived.
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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This is a lovely piece, Sharyn. Your structure appears perfect and the metaphorical connections are very imaginative and thought provoking. Art is often said to mimic life, so turning the world around to'Imagine re-creating life as art', is a bit of a head twist. I can see this as cars and building reflect in the darkness with light scoming and going, dimming and flashing:city symphonies of pulsing lights. I like this too:those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run. I'm suspecting you mean that follow without one heartbeat and mindset in directions that aren't necessarily conducive to life well lived.
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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no ... art should always 'enhance' life I think ... enlarge upon the details that are beautiful ... lemmings ... people who all move together without engaging the grey matter ... people who believe everything that they're told ... an unconscious life ...
:)
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Sharyn,
G'donya!! I just read your reply to my comment on your monologue and rushed here like arrow from Tartar's bow. Now, this is the V1234 I know and adore. Your treatment here is all and more that I love, with faultless metre, impeccable rhyming and truly evocative use of modern vernacular. I love the:
" coffee crowds are lemmings on the run." and your comparison of their comfort with the poverty of trash hunters.
Great poetry. Wonderful social comment.
Best regards
Reg
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Dear Sharyn,
G'donya!! I just read your reply to my comment on your monologue and rushed here like arrow from Tartar's bow. Now, this is the V1234 I know and adore. Your treatment here is all and more that I love, with faultless metre, impeccable rhyming and truly evocative use of modern vernacular. I love the:
" coffee crowds are lemmings on the run." and your comparison of their comfort with the poverty of trash hunters.
Great poetry. Wonderful social comment.
Best regards
Reg
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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haaa! GOTCHA! I knew you'd like this one, Reg - thank you so much for your lovely comments and, of course, for your nice big sixer!
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
You are right, Shayn, this is a beautiful form of poetry. I like it a lot, and I liked the gist of your poem. These days the heart is not worth enough money to build out of it! Unfortunately in our mercenary world money is the bottom line! My very best wishes for the competition, Giddy
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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You are right, Shayn, this is a beautiful form of poetry. I like it a lot, and I liked the gist of your poem. These days the heart is not worth enough money to build out of it! Unfortunately in our mercenary world money is the bottom line! My very best wishes for the competition, Giddy
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Thank you so much Giddy - we'll have to keep the faith, I think, despite the odds, hmm?
Bless you!
Sharyn
Comment from Lulube
Yes John Lennon had a lot to say in such a short time. Imagine..... if all knew nothing of war and only of peace.
good imagery and I liked the style you chose for this poem.
gives the reader a lot to ponder on.
good work
lulube
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Yes John Lennon had a lot to say in such a short time. Imagine..... if all knew nothing of war and only of peace.
good imagery and I liked the style you chose for this poem.
gives the reader a lot to ponder on.
good work
lulube
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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thx so much lu! :)S
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welcome
lulube
Comment from Leonardo Wild
Very nice phantom sonnet, visionary 1234.
I did not find any mistakes, and it seems to flow, ripple upwards as I read down.
And that little underlying criticism (Y' spare a dime? A little bit of cash?") thrown in, countering the (where Man builds empires softly ... from the heart) stated intention.
Just, let's imagine.
Good rhythm, and nice resolution.
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Very nice phantom sonnet, visionary 1234.
I did not find any mistakes, and it seems to flow, ripple upwards as I read down.
And that little underlying criticism (Y' spare a dime? A little bit of cash?") thrown in, countering the (where Man builds empires softly ... from the heart) stated intention.
Just, let's imagine.
Good rhythm, and nice resolution.
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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thx Leonardo! :)
Comment from seaglass
This is a very interesting poem asking the reader to imagine a different kind of world. I reminds me a bit of John Lennon's song 'Imagine". I wish very much, that kingdoms were built from the heart and not greed.
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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This is a very interesting poem asking the reader to imagine a different kind of world. I reminds me a bit of John Lennon's song 'Imagine". I wish very much, that kingdoms were built from the heart and not greed.
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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thx sg! :)Sharyn
Comment from vapros
I see an excellent result, born of fine artistry and a complex structure. I doubt that I will ever be tempted to try, but you have created it very well, and presented an interesting read. Thanks for that.
v
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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I see an excellent result, born of fine artistry and a complex structure. I doubt that I will ever be tempted to try, but you have created it very well, and presented an interesting read. Thanks for that.
v
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Bless you v. both for your lovely reading and for your precious sixer! I rather enjoy the musicality of this form - if the words are chosen well of course ...
:)Sharyn
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi Sharon,
Love the photo how is shows the contrast between the homeless man and the well dressed woman. Will she stop and leave some coins, or will she keep going?
Beautiful message in your poem to tie it all together, as well.
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Hi Sharon,
Love the photo how is shows the contrast between the homeless man and the well dressed woman. Will she stop and leave some coins, or will she keep going?
Beautiful message in your poem to tie it all together, as well.
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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thx so much Jax! :)S
Comment from kiwijenny
In flowered parks that fade to smoky nights,
those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run.
I love this image and all this imagery...........
Well done.........
God bless
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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In flowered parks that fade to smoky nights,
those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run.
I love this image and all this imagery...........
Well done.........
God bless
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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thx so much Jen! :)S
Comment from GWinterwin
Great poem with a great message and also a great picture. Good word flow tells of how it would be so good, if empires were built from the heart, with kindness instead of greed.
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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Great poem with a great message and also a great picture. Good word flow tells of how it would be so good, if empires were built from the heart, with kindness instead of greed.
Comment Written 20-May-2014
reply by the author on 21-May-2014
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thx GW! as always! :)Sharyn
