Softly ... from the Heart
John Lennon got it right ...87 total reviews
Comment from DALLAS01
lemmings on the run; just passing through the beauty and ignoring the heartache. I am not a big fan of the Pantoum, but I can't think of a better form in which to express this profound thought.
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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lemmings on the run; just passing through the beauty and ignoring the heartache. I am not a big fan of the Pantoum, but I can't think of a better form in which to express this profound thought.
Comment Written 22-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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bless you Dallas! :)Sharyn
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:.)
Comment from Sanku
When i read your first stanza ,i was sure (knowing your theater background) trying to describe a play or concert in a park .then in the following stanzas it gently became a social satire juxtaposing two contrasting images -people foraging the trash cans and those walking away pretending to be unaware of them.'spare a dime little bit of cash?' introducing a spoken line was very clever. the alliteration and the rhymes are brilliant.The Pantoum Sonnet made a good background for this concept.loved it.
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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When i read your first stanza ,i was sure (knowing your theater background) trying to describe a play or concert in a park .then in the following stanzas it gently became a social satire juxtaposing two contrasting images -people foraging the trash cans and those walking away pretending to be unaware of them.'spare a dime little bit of cash?' introducing a spoken line was very clever. the alliteration and the rhymes are brilliant.The Pantoum Sonnet made a good background for this concept.loved it.
Comment Written 22-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Thank you so much for your lovely reading, review, and, of course, for your wonderful six Sanku!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Sharyn,
you set this pantoum sonnet up with vivid imagery and striking refrain... the hustle of the city in the behind scenes... loved: ignoring men now 'rooting' through the trash... it sort of reminded me of the wild pigs and how we tracked them through what we called rooting marks left from snout prints while they were foraging.
This is a wonderful poem and well deserved of the exceptional tag... so once again, I am so sorry for not having one to repay the effort that is displayed... but all the very best in the contest... and also in the poem of the month, where I did have the arsenal to reward you... so it could end up a double vote of confidence there!
With our thoughts we create,
the scene,
James xx
******Stars!!!!!!
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Hi Sharyn,
you set this pantoum sonnet up with vivid imagery and striking refrain... the hustle of the city in the behind scenes... loved: ignoring men now 'rooting' through the trash... it sort of reminded me of the wild pigs and how we tracked them through what we called rooting marks left from snout prints while they were foraging.
This is a wonderful poem and well deserved of the exceptional tag... so once again, I am so sorry for not having one to repay the effort that is displayed... but all the very best in the contest... and also in the poem of the month, where I did have the arsenal to reward you... so it could end up a double vote of confidence there!
With our thoughts we create,
the scene,
James xx
******Stars!!!!!!
Comment Written 22-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Bless you and big hugs, as always, James ... you 'stars' spendthrift you!! And thx also for your POM vote of confidence - that makes me smile.
:)Sharyn
Comment from Hollyhock
An inspired piece of writing. I love everything about this one. The form, the way yoou have used it to put the underlying message across and the fluency of the whole. Pantoums sometimes struggle for clarity due to the repetition but this works perfectly.
Great contrasts between the flowered parks and smokey nights and the lemmings and the trash, all adding to the heart-felt meaning. Great introduction of direct speech which really focuses the reader on the reality leading into the wistful echo of the final couplet. Absolutely beautiful.
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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An inspired piece of writing. I love everything about this one. The form, the way yoou have used it to put the underlying message across and the fluency of the whole. Pantoums sometimes struggle for clarity due to the repetition but this works perfectly.
Great contrasts between the flowered parks and smokey nights and the lemmings and the trash, all adding to the heart-felt meaning. Great introduction of direct speech which really focuses the reader on the reality leading into the wistful echo of the final couplet. Absolutely beautiful.
Comment Written 22-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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oh I'm so glad you found this one, Andrea and yes, I agree ... constraints to make work either much better, or (in many cases!) much, much worse. This time round, I think it's one up for me. So glad you enjoyed this one, and a huge 'mahalo' for your lovely six!
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from jgirlie152
You did a fine job writing this Pantoum Sonnet. I didn't count your syllables, but concentrated more on what you wrote, which touches the heart. You did a fine job.
Joan
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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You did a fine job writing this Pantoum Sonnet. I didn't count your syllables, but concentrated more on what you wrote, which touches the heart. You did a fine job.
Joan
Comment Written 22-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Thx so much Joan! :)Sharyn
Comment from victortouche
Absolutely outstanding.
You are a dreamer...
oh, that's right, theater.
Duh.
May I quote Joni Mitchell?
Thanks.
"All dreamers meet the
same fate...cynical and drunk
and boring someone in some dark café."
Yup.
That's you.
That's me.
I loved this.
victor touche
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Absolutely outstanding.
You are a dreamer...
oh, that's right, theater.
Duh.
May I quote Joni Mitchell?
Thanks.
"All dreamers meet the
same fate...cynical and drunk
and boring someone in some dark café."
Yup.
That's you.
That's me.
I loved this.
victor touche
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Bless you, Victor ... yes, my theatre does rather get woven through things, doesn't it? Do I recognize another ham??? Bless you for your lovely six, and I'm so glad you enjoyed this one!
:)Sharyn
Comment from angel123
I enjoyed reading your poem and your message. It flows and rhymes well and good alliteration of a and c words. Your artwork choice goes well with your thoughts.
angel123
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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I enjoyed reading your poem and your message. It flows and rhymes well and good alliteration of a and c words. Your artwork choice goes well with your thoughts.
angel123
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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thx so much angel! :)Sharyn
Comment from artisart4u
Your pantoum sonnet is nice to read and you followed the
guideline.
I like the different types of fonts and punctuation marks you used for emphasis
Good luck with your poem.
.
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Your pantoum sonnet is nice to read and you followed the
guideline.
I like the different types of fonts and punctuation marks you used for emphasis
Good luck with your poem.
.
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Thank you so much aa for your lovely reading, and of course, for your wonderful six!
:)Sharyn
Comment from krys123
Visionary1234, So much as this poem so masterful of you having manifested the knowledge, skill and experience needed for success in a particular field as poetry done by you. I love the metaphor and analogies used to create such beautiful imagery of his life in societies ups and downs. (Motley crowds and symphonies of pulsing lights) a best description and perception of a life in towns and cities. Your rhyming was exceptional in neither of the rhymes were forced, labor or strained and the rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem.
Thank you for sharing and posting this for others and may you have a good one always.
Alex
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Visionary1234, So much as this poem so masterful of you having manifested the knowledge, skill and experience needed for success in a particular field as poetry done by you. I love the metaphor and analogies used to create such beautiful imagery of his life in societies ups and downs. (Motley crowds and symphonies of pulsing lights) a best description and perception of a life in towns and cities. Your rhyming was exceptional in neither of the rhymes were forced, labor or strained and the rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem.
Thank you for sharing and posting this for others and may you have a good one always.
Alex
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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That's so lovely of you Alex - both your tender reading, and your wonderful six! Thank you so much!
:)Sharyn
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You are so sincerely welcome
Comment from tfawcus
As soon as I read your first and third lines, I knew you had a potential winner here. They run so well together in the final couplet to form a hauntingly beautiful image. Your use of the repeated lines is brilliant, with their subtle shifts in meaning. The images you create of the city are vivid and I love the lines:
"In flowered parks that fade to smoky nights,
those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run"
There are one or two very good entries in this contest, but this will be hard to beat! Congratulations on a fine piece of writing that deserves the six I haven't got! Perhaps the judges will grant you a more substantial reward!
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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As soon as I read your first and third lines, I knew you had a potential winner here. They run so well together in the final couplet to form a hauntingly beautiful image. Your use of the repeated lines is brilliant, with their subtle shifts in meaning. The images you create of the city are vivid and I love the lines:
"In flowered parks that fade to smoky nights,
those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run"
There are one or two very good entries in this contest, but this will be hard to beat! Congratulations on a fine piece of writing that deserves the six I haven't got! Perhaps the judges will grant you a more substantial reward!
Comment Written 21-May-2014
reply by the author on 22-May-2014
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Bless you, Tony - thank you so much for finding the beauty in this piece. The pantoum's musicality does rather help, thank goodness - but only if the lines are 'right'.
:)S
