Softly ... from the Heart
John Lennon got it right ...87 total reviews
Comment from Just2Write
Well done, dear poet. The words read beautifully, and the social commentary gives us pause to think about the homeless and our indifference to them.
Loved the line:
those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run
So true - bustling and racing to that infamous cliff. The fall, of course, is deadly.
A lovely write, a joy to read.
Rose.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Well done, dear poet. The words read beautifully, and the social commentary gives us pause to think about the homeless and our indifference to them.
Loved the line:
those coffee crowds are lemmings on the run
So true - bustling and racing to that infamous cliff. The fall, of course, is deadly.
A lovely write, a joy to read.
Rose.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thx so much Rose - I see you have one in this too!
:)S
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I did enter this one - but, clearly not my best work. I finished up dead last. I do take some solace in that there were many excellent submissions, yours included.
R.
Comment from sgalletti
Hi Sharyn! Sometimes it IS hard to get FS to understand the glitches that occur, unfortunately. I love this Pantoum Sonnet and the unique message:
Imagine re-creating life as art -
where Man builds empires softly...from the heart
Interesting art work you chose to accompany the poem. Our world is a mess right now and most people I know seem helpless as to how to fix it. Great use of poetic devices in this poem. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Hi Sharyn! Sometimes it IS hard to get FS to understand the glitches that occur, unfortunately. I love this Pantoum Sonnet and the unique message:
Imagine re-creating life as art -
where Man builds empires softly...from the heart
Interesting art work you chose to accompany the poem. Our world is a mess right now and most people I know seem helpless as to how to fix it. Great use of poetic devices in this poem. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Do glitches show up in mine as well? I've noticed them in a lot of the entries (yours too) where lines are spaced incorrectly. I've talked to Tom about it but it falls on deaf ears!
:)S
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There are problems and issues on the site right now Sharyn. I think there are some new employees in training LOL!
Comment from Warren Rodgers
Sharyn, I love how you have taken Lennon's classic song and expounded upon it in your wonderfully written pantoum sonnet.
While it follows Lennon's vision, it kept me in reality and reminded me how very far we still have to go with phrases like "coffee crowds". "lemmings on the run" and "ignoring men now rooting through the trash"
Sorry I am out of sixes, which your poem deserves.
Excellent meter, rhyme and pantoum sonnet form. A very powerful and thought-provoking write. Good luck in the voting booth.
All the best,
Rodger
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Sharyn, I love how you have taken Lennon's classic song and expounded upon it in your wonderfully written pantoum sonnet.
While it follows Lennon's vision, it kept me in reality and reminded me how very far we still have to go with phrases like "coffee crowds". "lemmings on the run" and "ignoring men now rooting through the trash"
Sorry I am out of sixes, which your poem deserves.
Excellent meter, rhyme and pantoum sonnet form. A very powerful and thought-provoking write. Good luck in the voting booth.
All the best,
Rodger
Comment Written 21-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2014
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Thx so much Warren - I loved your entry too!
:)Sharyn
Comment from poetbear
Ten stars and WOW!!
You wrote one of the most important pieces that I have ever seen site.
The expertise,care, and craft you have shown is superlative.
It reads and flows brilliantly.
Goes straight to the heart and soul!
BRAVO!!
reply by the author on 27-May-2014
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Ten stars and WOW!!
You wrote one of the most important pieces that I have ever seen site.
The expertise,care, and craft you have shown is superlative.
It reads and flows brilliantly.
Goes straight to the heart and soul!
BRAVO!!
Comment Written 26-May-2014
reply by the author on 27-May-2014
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oh I'm so glad you loved this one pb - and I saw you popped it in your book-case too. I'm blushing. Seriously though, I'm honored by such a lovely response from you my dear.
:):):)Sharyn
Comment from catch22
Hi Sharyn,
This is beautiful and so unique. I'm sorry it took me this long to review it. I admire the skill you used to craft this beautiful pantoum and I actually just signed up for another of Brooke's classes so I can work on these repeating forms. Yours is simply wonderful. THe repeating lines read so naturally I forgot they were part of the form. I really enjoyed reading this piece with a great message of heart. The final couplet was haunting and impacting--taking on a new subtle meaning from where it appeared previously in the verse. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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Hi Sharyn,
This is beautiful and so unique. I'm sorry it took me this long to review it. I admire the skill you used to craft this beautiful pantoum and I actually just signed up for another of Brooke's classes so I can work on these repeating forms. Yours is simply wonderful. THe repeating lines read so naturally I forgot they were part of the form. I really enjoyed reading this piece with a great message of heart. The final couplet was haunting and impacting--taking on a new subtle meaning from where it appeared previously in the verse. Well done.
Comment Written 23-May-2014
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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oh thank you Gail! I love repeating forms, as long as they're done well and have a different 'slant' each time they're read. So I really appreciated your feedback!
:)Sharyn
Comment from harmony13
Excellent poem! The poem flows and connects well. The author's words are strong, descriptive and creative. The theme of this poem is heart felt. The artwork is perfect and compliments the poem.
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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Excellent poem! The poem flows and connects well. The author's words are strong, descriptive and creative. The theme of this poem is heart felt. The artwork is perfect and compliments the poem.
Comment Written 23-May-2014
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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thx so much harmony! With a name like yours ...
:):):)
Comment from McMurry903
Beautiful work here, Sharyn! This is a complex form and you executed it flawlessly. Perfect rhyme and meter with a very deep and touching message as well. Less and less is thought about poor folks in need as technology and advancements move forward it seems. I loved it, best of luck in the contest!
Brian
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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Beautiful work here, Sharyn! This is a complex form and you executed it flawlessly. Perfect rhyme and meter with a very deep and touching message as well. Less and less is thought about poor folks in need as technology and advancements move forward it seems. I loved it, best of luck in the contest!
Brian
Comment Written 23-May-2014
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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Thanks so much Brian! Haven't seen you round in a while???
:)S
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Yeah, it has been a while. I was traveling a lot with work and then started an office position as business manager with my union so it cut out my FS time. But now hopefully I'm back for good and can manage my time again!
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Well, I started doing some theatre work last September, got into improve, then started travelling ... so I'm not on nearly as much either! But I'll look forward to reading you again Brian.
:)Sharyn
Comment from me_tudor
This was a great poem. It's message was very powerful and reflects things all too true. I like this style of poem a lot. It's has a good rhythm and is easy to follow.
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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This was a great poem. It's message was very powerful and reflects things all too true. I like this style of poem a lot. It's has a good rhythm and is easy to follow.
Comment Written 23-May-2014
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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thx so much my dear! :)S
Comment from JB Lynn
"where Man builds empires softly...from the hear" - Oh, this is beautiful! Such a romantic notion to build a poem around. Placing these two sentiments next to one another "empires" and "from the heart" is a surprise comparison that wakes the reader up so your piece can truly be enjoyed. Originality like this is sometimes hard to find. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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"where Man builds empires softly...from the hear" - Oh, this is beautiful! Such a romantic notion to build a poem around. Placing these two sentiments next to one another "empires" and "from the heart" is a surprise comparison that wakes the reader up so your piece can truly be enjoyed. Originality like this is sometimes hard to find. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-May-2014
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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Thank you so much for your lovely six on this one JB! I so appreciate your lovely reading.
:)Sharyn
Comment from Bryan G
Great work. I love your theme of "Imagine recreating life as art". As a struggling artist I find your theme timely and helpful. My goal as an artist is to recreate life as art. I just wrote my first sonnet so I can appreciate the effort you have put into this work. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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Great work. I love your theme of "Imagine recreating life as art". As a struggling artist I find your theme timely and helpful. My goal as an artist is to recreate life as art. I just wrote my first sonnet so I can appreciate the effort you have put into this work. Well done.
Comment Written 23-May-2014
reply by the author on 23-May-2014
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Thx so much Byan! :)S
