Pantoum Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Farewell"Poems written using the pantoum form
79 total reviews
Comment from Eternal Muse
A beautiful pantoum sonnet, Tony, and a gorgeous picture to bring out the message.
Your iambic meter is impeccable, the visuals are great. The flow is smooth and gentle, and I think of midnight sea with stars on it, as I read your poem.
My only peeve is, you have a lot of "staccato" (one syllable) words throughout. I feel, the use polysyllable words would embellish the write and give it more body.
A beautiful work which I think will do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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A beautiful pantoum sonnet, Tony, and a gorgeous picture to bring out the message.
Your iambic meter is impeccable, the visuals are great. The flow is smooth and gentle, and I think of midnight sea with stars on it, as I read your poem.
My only peeve is, you have a lot of "staccato" (one syllable) words throughout. I feel, the use polysyllable words would embellish the write and give it more body.
A beautiful work which I think will do well in the contest.
Comment Written 19-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Many thanks for this review, Yelena. There is food for thought here. Now that I re-read, I can see what you mean about the staccato effect, which is somewhat out of kilter with the calm reflective nature of the piece. I shall have to mull over this!
Comment from TAB_that's me
Beautifully crafted pontoum sonnet with great rhyme and meter. Your choices for repeating lines were excellent.
~~teresa~~
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Beautifully crafted pontoum sonnet with great rhyme and meter. Your choices for repeating lines were excellent.
~~teresa~~
Comment Written 19-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Many thanks, Teresa! I appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from wtwb
What I like the most is the imagery and the contrasts. The sadness implied is palpaple, and certainly resonates with one after reading this poem.The repetition works.
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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What I like the most is the imagery and the contrasts. The sadness implied is palpaple, and certainly resonates with one after reading this poem.The repetition works.
Comment Written 19-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Many thanks, wtwb! I appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from Bill Schott
These pantomime sonnets are the cat's meow. I've read about five of them now in the last couple of days and find them, as I do this one, easy to read and full of the meaning that comes from repetition. This poem grasps that sense of the eternal along with the reality of our finite existence.
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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These pantomime sonnets are the cat's meow. I've read about five of them now in the last couple of days and find them, as I do this one, easy to read and full of the meaning that comes from repetition. This poem grasps that sense of the eternal along with the reality of our finite existence.
Comment Written 19-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Many thanks, Bill! I appreciate your kind comments. There are certainly some great entries in this contest!
Comment from visionary1234
Tony, this one's drop-dead gorgeous! I LOVE the Pantoum but haven't yet done a Pantoum sonnet, so now you've given me inspiration. Love the rolling, gentle rhythm of this one, with the beautiful repeating lines. Love 'sea glass stars' and 'ride the rising swell' - you have a flawless ear for language musicality.
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Tony, this one's drop-dead gorgeous! I LOVE the Pantoum but haven't yet done a Pantoum sonnet, so now you've given me inspiration. Love the rolling, gentle rhythm of this one, with the beautiful repeating lines. Love 'sea glass stars' and 'ride the rising swell' - you have a flawless ear for language musicality.
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 19-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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I'm flattered by your lovely review, Sharyn, and the six star rating and especially by your comment about my ear for language musicality.
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I recognized it immediately Tony - not many people have it, I've noticed, so it is, indeed a great compliment and a heartfelt one my dear.
:)S
Comment from adewpearl
strong rhyming in good English sonnet format
excellent use of consistent iambic meter and enjambment to make for a steady cadence and good flow
The enjambment works particularly well in allowing you to repeat lines smoothly
excellent use of personification and lovely detail of setting
that makes for a perfect mood for the romance of the poem
You use the sonnet form to good effect and the pantoum form as well
This should be a strong contender in the contest :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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strong rhyming in good English sonnet format
excellent use of consistent iambic meter and enjambment to make for a steady cadence and good flow
The enjambment works particularly well in allowing you to repeat lines smoothly
excellent use of personification and lovely detail of setting
that makes for a perfect mood for the romance of the poem
You use the sonnet form to good effect and the pantoum form as well
This should be a strong contender in the contest :-) Brooke
Comment Written 19-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Thank you, Brooke, for this affirmative and kind review and for the six-star rating. Much appreciated.
Comment from chasennov
"Farewell" This is a very nicely written poem form. It should do well in this contest. I also love the artwork depicting the starlight dancing on the water. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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"Farewell" This is a very nicely written poem form. It should do well in this contest. I also love the artwork depicting the starlight dancing on the water. Well done.
Comment Written 19-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Many thanks, chasennov! I appreciate your kind comments.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
What a beautifully touching piece, kind of eerie, melancholy, with the water and reflection, yet full of love at the same time.
Truly well done!
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Hi,
What a beautifully touching piece, kind of eerie, melancholy, with the water and reflection, yet full of love at the same time.
Truly well done!
Cheers,
Keep Smilin'... Jax
Comment Written 19-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Many thanks, Jax! I appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from evilynne
A lovely poem about saying farewell. I love the imagery of the stars dancing in the water, a reflection of the stars in the sky. Good luck in the contest
This work has lovely images of stars reflected in the waters. It is beautifully written and reads well. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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A lovely poem about saying farewell. I love the imagery of the stars dancing in the water, a reflection of the stars in the sky. Good luck in the contest
This work has lovely images of stars reflected in the waters. It is beautifully written and reads well. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Many thanks, evilynne! I appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from Spitfire
What a beautiful and smooth interweaving of images in your Pantoum. Poetry depends so much on metaphor and you are a master of this. Wonderful use of alliteration with the whispering S sound. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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What a beautiful and smooth interweaving of images in your Pantoum. Poetry depends so much on metaphor and you are a master of this. Wonderful use of alliteration with the whispering S sound. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Thanks, Spitfire. What wonderful things you say to inflate my ego!
