Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

solid use of abba rhyming in your quatrains
good consistent iambic meter makes for good cadence
excellent use of enjambment makes for flow of ideas from line to line
good alliteration in phrases like seven silver suns
and toppled towers
vivid detail of setting
you create atmosphere well with phrases like stretch sands of desolation
strong sensory appeal, especially in your closing quatrain
Brooke

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 16-May-2014

Thanks, Brooke

Steve

Comment from Saucey

Excellent

Wow I had no idea decided I would stop by and check out the reviewer that caught my attention, this is a well written highly structured gem. Quatrain with abba is correct, nice flow, meaningful story that sounded so real, excellent presentation adding to the drama. I love it. Is it a dream?

 Comment Written 15-May-2014

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reply by the author on 15-May-2014

Thanks, Saucey.

Not a real dream, no - mine are much more boring.

Thanks for the warm review.

Steve

reply by Saucey on 15-May-2014

LOL

Comment from ELumpkins

Excellent

How could we exist without dreams? They are our only escape from this ever changing planet we occupy. Seven suns seems a bit much i'm thinking. Then we awake to find our self here on this ever changing piece of earth we occupy. Good entry

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

This was a very mysterious piece. I loved the unanswered questions that you left me with. It made me want more. How did the kingdom fall into disrepair. How did the silent vision stay alive in such a desperate situation. Nice imagery and the tone was one of awe. Nicely done.

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

Thank you.

Yes, I did want to leave questions in the reader's mind here.

Steve

Comment from Ridley Williams

Excellent

Hey kiwisteveh,
Nice dream sequence in this write. You portray the events experienced in a vivid and descriptive manner that draws the reader into the poem with you. Indeed I felt the let down of waking...back to the tedious world of constant motion and sound. Where is peace and satisfaction to be found? As you say, lodged in your heart. Nice job with this, and best of luck with your entry, Bill

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

Thanks, Bill.

Yep, I wanted that feeling of crashing back to wakefulness after an intense dream to come across.

Steve

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Exceptional

You truly are an amazing poet, Steve. There's so much depth to your work, and the use of words and rhyme is pretty bloody spectacular.

This is aptly titled. It has a haunting, other-wordly quality to it - an escape from the harsh reality of life, or perhaps a place where you lived in another life. In any case, a very stimulating and beautiful piece of work.

Superb.

Av

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

Av, thanks for the thoughtful review and the six shiny stars.

Fantasy is not my usual thing, but that's where the poem took me - goodness only knows what it's all about!

Steve

Comment from Sanku

Excellent

There is a bit of surrealism in this poem .Dreams are never close to reality.Your deserted land of desolation has seven suns glaring down .(may be because I live in South India where we are being roasted in the heat of ONE Sun,but seven of them!)'Beyond the wrack..is it wreck?)And the persona is dreaming of someone very close to him who is no more.A smooth transition from dream to reality .Perfect craftsman ship. All the best in the contest.

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

Thank you, Sanku (a poem in itself!

These are silver suns you see, so bound to be a lot less hot than your southern India one. I lived in Singapore for 8 years and northern Australia for 10, so I know what tropical heat is like.

Steve

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

This poem deserved an all time best status for keeping the rhythmic patterns of a quatrain poetry. The message speaks of the unmatched glory of the Lord, claiming His kingdom on earth, that had vanished through commercialization. But His heaven will be forever stretched in those who believed them. Thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 13-May-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from nancyjam

Exceptional

I think you have another winner here. This
Is so well crafted. Rhyme and meter, use of enjambment,imagery
Alliteration,internal rhyme, all used to great effect in this amazing
Poem.
I wish you the best in the contest.

 Comment Written 12-May-2014

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reply by the author on 13-May-2014

Thanks, Nancy for the glowing review and the six stars.

As for the contest, we'll have to wait and see.

Steve

Comment from arsinBW

Excellent

This was good. I loved the story there but the lines were a little long for me. Other than that I thought it was great. Good job!

 Comment Written 12-May-2014

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reply by the author on 13-May-2014

Thanks for the review.

Steve