Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Your poem is in good syllable count for this contest
good use of enjambment
while I like the will/hill rhyme, it is not allowed in the rules for this contest, so you need to revise that if you want to stay eligible
good consonance of L sounds
you deliver a thoughtful message
I will up your rating if you take the rhyme out and then let me know :-) Brooke
rating raised for a clever revision :-)

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

I wasn't thinking, I'll see what I can do. (I am so used to rhyming it just happens LOL) Thanks Brooke, I appreciate your review. :-) Carolyn

reply by the author on 14-May-2014

I wasn't thinking, I'll see what I can do. (I am so used to rhyming it just happens LOL) Thanks Brooke, I appreciate your review. :-) Carolyn

reply by the author on 14-May-2014

I did it, please read it when you have time, thanks, Carolyn

Comment from judester

Excellent

An uplifting and encouraging poem on Faith. We sometimes get caught up and cannot see the bigger picture. Pause and give a grateful prayer, cheers Judester

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

Thanks judester, I appreciate the fine review and understanding of this Tanka. :-) Carolyn

Comment from NicciFaye

Excellent

Ps 46:10 - Be still and know that I am God! An awesome and most powerful confirming Tanka! I deeply enjoyed the spiritual calmness of this write.

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

Thanks NicciFaye, Psalms 46:10 is one of my favorites and the basis for the last line of the Tanka. You got it! love, Carolyn

Comment from risktaker

Excellent

A fantastic photo illustrating the power of God. God sends us trials and tribulations to strengthen us and to let us know that we need Him and that our power is limited. If we believe and trust, all is well because we are never alone.
Thanks

 Comment Written 13-May-2014

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reply by the author on 14-May-2014

And what a comfort that is, to never be alone. Thank you for this wonderful review. :-) Carolyn

reply by risktaker on 14-May-2014

ok

reply by risktaker on 14-May-2014

ok

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Be still and know that I AM God ...

Carolyn, this is a beautiful little piece. It is restful and calming - and saturated with basic scriptural truth.

What an idyllic picture the floppy hat paints.

Best wishes for the contest.

Love,

xxx

Sonali :)

 Comment Written 12-May-2014

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reply by the author on 12-May-2014

Thank you so much Sonali, :-) Carolyn

Comment from Benny Beeharry

Exceptional

Hi Carolyn
Best wishes to you and your family. Hope your husband got over his pain after the death of his father.

There is so much to read here, not just those lines.
They are only vehicles to the meaning lying under
It is true if we can only think of him in our trouble times, this world would be very different. Instead we get angry with him. We create the trouble and not see it.
He loves to help, but we do not let him .
Lovely write.

Benny

 Comment Written 11-May-2014

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reply by the author on 11-May-2014

Thanks Bennie, I grateful for your kind remarks. I'm glad you enjoyed this short poem, and got so much from it. I never desire to sound 'preachie'. But I do strive to deepen readers thinking where I can.
Larry is doing well. It makes a difference when the loved one dies in the Lord.
And you my friends, how are you doing?
Love, Carolyn

Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

Dear Carolyn - a strong tanka post with spot on syllables. A well penned post with your message clear within its lines. Nicely done and good luck in the contest.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen

When your day goes wrong 5
As it surely sometimes will 7
And your path through life 5
Leads tediously up-hill 7
Pause! And know that He is God 7

 Comment Written 10-May-2014

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reply by the author on 10-May-2014

Thanks my dear Maureen, it is nice to log in and find such a sweet review from you. Thank you so much. I hope you are having a great weekend.
Love you, Carolyn

reply by Maureen's Pen on 10-May-2014

Love ya back, unpacking at the new house now...too much work:)
xx

reply by the author on 11-May-2014

Wish I were there to help. Send a pic. Good night Maureen, get back some rest. Love you

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Carolyn, A beautifully inspiring and stimulating piece of poetry that has great imagery and shows always how your imagination really is. I must say that it is very creative and inventive in a really well written tanka. I also say that good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing and posting this for others and may the sun always shine on your shoulders.
Alex

 Comment Written 09-May-2014

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reply by the author on 09-May-2014

Thanks Alex, for your wonderful comments about the Tanka. I appreciate you,
:-) Carolyn

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

Hi Carolyn, it's when my day goes wrong I wonder if He is looking...just not all the time...only some of my worst times...I love your poem...and this picture is so calming...a great poem you...so very well written...Luff Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 09-May-2014

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reply by the author on 09-May-2014

As our little granddaughter said one day... If God can see everything, does he use a telescope?. One of the mysteries of how He is God. So glad you enjoyed this one.....luff you too.
:-) Carolyn

reply by l.raven on 09-May-2014

they do surprise us with what they say...they can be so smart...xxoo

Comment from angelface2

Excellent

I have had those days! don't know what I would do with Him to help me. Nice poem and I don't know exactly what a tanka is, but this sounds right. good luck. Miss Sally

 Comment Written 09-May-2014

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reply by the author on 09-May-2014

A Tanka is one of my favorites but I haven't written a lot of them. Basically, it has 5 lines...the syllable count is
5-7-5-7-7 in each of the 5 lines. Any subject. Go to the contest guidelines, that helps me. I have learned so much in the less than 2 years I have been on Fanstory. So glad you enjoyed this one Miss Sally. Love, Carolyn