Finding Daisy
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Schmoozing"Another Ess and Oz comic fantasy
4 total reviews
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Oily politicians are everywhere. This one seems to be hiding something, (but aren't they all?) Loved the descriptions of the art pieces. Very humorous.
It seems that Ess still has her work cut out for her. Lots of investigating to do.
One typo:
"I need you to talk to a journalist fomr the Guardian." (Should be 'from').
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Oily politicians are everywhere. This one seems to be hiding something, (but aren't they all?) Loved the descriptions of the art pieces. Very humorous.
It seems that Ess still has her work cut out for her. Lots of investigating to do.
One typo:
"I need you to talk to a journalist fomr the Guardian." (Should be 'from').
Comment Written 08-May-2014
reply by the author on 08-May-2014
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Thanks. Glad you liked it.
Comment from comanalbert
I smell a rat in Davenport's knickers; he knows something, he is too smart to be involved directly to not compromise his chair, but still...and he's the last too see her....
How right am I?
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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I smell a rat in Davenport's knickers; he knows something, he is too smart to be involved directly to not compromise his chair, but still...and he's the last too see her....
How right am I?
Comment Written 07-May-2014
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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Oh , to tell you would spoil the journey. But technically he was the penultimate person to see her. Maybe. Thanks for the review
Comment from Adri7enne
"Allen took hold of Peter's elbow. "Peter, remember why we're here? I need you to talk to a journalist FOMR the Guardian." FROM
Oh, God! Schmoozing is right! Brought me right back to the Chambre of Commerce after-hours parties. All to be seen talking to the right people. Lord preserve me! Never again! Except you had me there with this chapter. LOL!
Peter Havers seems to have a bit of charisma going for him, too. It sure seems to affect Ess. Some people are like that!
I love following you around, Snod. I'm enjoying the story and your characters.
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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"Allen took hold of Peter's elbow. "Peter, remember why we're here? I need you to talk to a journalist FOMR the Guardian." FROM
Oh, God! Schmoozing is right! Brought me right back to the Chambre of Commerce after-hours parties. All to be seen talking to the right people. Lord preserve me! Never again! Except you had me there with this chapter. LOL!
Peter Havers seems to have a bit of charisma going for him, too. It sure seems to affect Ess. Some people are like that!
I love following you around, Snod. I'm enjoying the story and your characters.
Comment Written 07-May-2014
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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Oops. Thanks for the spag. Glad this rings a bell. I hate schmoozing. I love to be the centre of attention, but not in a room of strangers.
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LOL! You're a funny guy!
Comment from Witwoo
You and I are both guilty of the same thing.
Small sentences. Back to back. Throughout the piece. 9 commas in a sentence.
Take a flamethrower to commas in the longer sentences, and add some to the terse sentences elsewhere.
I only found one typo, But can't relocate it. Be on the lookout.
"His intimate closeness flustered her." (Give him intimacy, or give him closeness. Otherwise you could be guilty of weighty heaviness or blowy wind.)
"Not at all," blurted Ess, embarrassed he so accurately reflected her thoughts of a few moments ago." (There's confusion after the comma. I don't know what's going on.)
"Reluctantly Ess dug into her clutch bag" (comma after reluctantly)
Wiccan is capitalized, just as Judaism or Buddhism would be.
Now that the nit-picking is done, I'll say that I did enjoy this chapter. I haven't read any of the others, but that's because I didn't know about them until now. I notice that you've categorized this as fantasy fiction... I guess I found the chapter that doesn't have any in it.
WW
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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You and I are both guilty of the same thing.
Small sentences. Back to back. Throughout the piece. 9 commas in a sentence.
Take a flamethrower to commas in the longer sentences, and add some to the terse sentences elsewhere.
I only found one typo, But can't relocate it. Be on the lookout.
"His intimate closeness flustered her." (Give him intimacy, or give him closeness. Otherwise you could be guilty of weighty heaviness or blowy wind.)
"Not at all," blurted Ess, embarrassed he so accurately reflected her thoughts of a few moments ago." (There's confusion after the comma. I don't know what's going on.)
"Reluctantly Ess dug into her clutch bag" (comma after reluctantly)
Wiccan is capitalized, just as Judaism or Buddhism would be.
Now that the nit-picking is done, I'll say that I did enjoy this chapter. I haven't read any of the others, but that's because I didn't know about them until now. I notice that you've categorized this as fantasy fiction... I guess I found the chapter that doesn't have any in it.
WW
Comment Written 07-May-2014
reply by the author on 07-May-2014
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Some good points, thank you. Yes, this is urban fantasy, with the accent on the real world rather than convenient hocus pocus.
