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Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "MacArthur Park"A Whole New Identity
14 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I hope their plan works. If I were Hamid, I wouldn't show. I doubt that will be case. We have to have some more drama here. LOL I love the story.
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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I hope their plan works. If I were Hamid, I wouldn't show. I doubt that will be case. We have to have some more drama here. LOL I love the story.
Comment Written 03-May-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Neither would I, Barb! But we have to get this one out, right, so here we go!
Grins,
Gayle
Comment from Norbanus
What a powerful turn, Annabelle. You've shown us Hali as a strong character who can carry her end of the load. It's a shame she has to wear the burkha again.
The only problem I see with it is that if Julia is going to claim she was out walking with her brother after dinner together, someone might want to know where.
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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What a powerful turn, Annabelle. You've shown us Hali as a strong character who can carry her end of the load. It's a shame she has to wear the burkha again.
The only problem I see with it is that if Julia is going to claim she was out walking with her brother after dinner together, someone might want to know where.
Comment Written 03-May-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Luckily, there are so many Muslim/ethnic restaurants in LA, they'll pick one that was nearby and busy! Paid cash, all the stuff.
Gosh, so good to see you again, Freddie.
Hugs and love,
Annabelle
Comment from shelley kaye
yay :) i'm liking this story - can't wait to see what happens next.... you probably can't either, huh? lol ;)
a couple things i noticed....
"Hey, Lenny, Brad. " <-- shouldn't there be a period after lenny? could be wrong though lol
She feared this from the beginning, so she's as prepared as one can be. the first part of the sentence is past tense.... shouldn't it be "she WAS as prepared.."?
didn't notice any other spaggies or typos
thanx for sharing and i'll be waiting for the next chapter :)
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reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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yay :) i'm liking this story - can't wait to see what happens next.... you probably can't either, huh? lol ;)
a couple things i noticed....
"Hey, Lenny, Brad. " <-- shouldn't there be a period after lenny? could be wrong though lol
She feared this from the beginning, so she's as prepared as one can be. the first part of the sentence is past tense.... shouldn't it be "she WAS as prepared.."?
didn't notice any other spaggies or typos
thanx for sharing and i'll be waiting for the next chapter :)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Hey shell, nah, in dialogue it's different. Same with the next one. "She feared this from the beginning, so she is as prepared as one can be." All good, not was. They're talking to each other.
Grins,
Gayle
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ahh okay! still learning on the prose stuff LOL
Comment from JB Lynn
Phenomenal job with the short dialogue lines at the beginning of this chapter. You clearly have a defined grasp on who each character is and how they sound because I was never lost about who was speaking.
"As normal as you guys look, they won't even blink [consider eliminating "at you"]." - If you end this sentence after "blink" you not only tighten the sentence but also manage to avoid using "you" twice in the same sentence. Overall, I really liked the "planning" conversation between these characters of how they were going to deal with the kidnappers.
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reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Phenomenal job with the short dialogue lines at the beginning of this chapter. You clearly have a defined grasp on who each character is and how they sound because I was never lost about who was speaking.
"As normal as you guys look, they won't even blink [consider eliminating "at you"]." - If you end this sentence after "blink" you not only tighten the sentence but also manage to avoid using "you" twice in the same sentence. Overall, I really liked the "planning" conversation between these characters of how they were going to deal with the kidnappers.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Hey JB, we're almost done here, just a few more chapters. Thank you so much for the great comments and edits. And I agree, I get wordy. Should end at 'blink'.
Thumb for your!
Hugs,
Gayle
