The Alchemist
What poetry means to me36 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
A great write, Steve, and what a terrific picture you found to complement your write perfectly!
I really enjoyed reading this intelligent write that is very introspective and speaks a world of truth. I especially liked the following stanza that really shows that we do often bare our souls to all in our writing:
"Strip our armour of pretension
leave us naked in the field;
take our pride and foul dissention,
give us honesty's vast shield".
And of course, your final closing line, speaks of the peace that one feels once they have bared it all and purged themselves of what had to come out onto paper. :)
Strong rhyming and excellent flow. Well done!
3rd line ... small typo ... there is a t after duty,
Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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A great write, Steve, and what a terrific picture you found to complement your write perfectly!
I really enjoyed reading this intelligent write that is very introspective and speaks a world of truth. I especially liked the following stanza that really shows that we do often bare our souls to all in our writing:
"Strip our armour of pretension
leave us naked in the field;
take our pride and foul dissention,
give us honesty's vast shield".
And of course, your final closing line, speaks of the peace that one feels once they have bared it all and purged themselves of what had to come out onto paper. :)
Strong rhyming and excellent flow. Well done!
3rd line ... small typo ... there is a t after duty,
Best wishes for the contest!
Connie
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Connie, thanks for the kind words, the six stars and the sharp eye for the typo. I appreciate the generous review.
Steve
Comment from healfromwithin
I loved the metaphor of the Alchemist rendering change within us...
I had a few parts that I thought needed some attention:
the first line reads oddly - change our base (I do understand the meaning)-you need another word here. "base soul" or "base emotion" or something.
and dullard duty,t (is the extra "t" a typo?)
All together, I really liked the piece.
Thanks for posting it. :)
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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I loved the metaphor of the Alchemist rendering change within us...
I had a few parts that I thought needed some attention:
the first line reads oddly - change our base (I do understand the meaning)-you need another word here. "base soul" or "base emotion" or something.
and dullard duty,t (is the extra "t" a typo?)
All together, I really liked the piece.
Thanks for posting it. :)
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Thank for the kind words and the sharp eye for the typo - fixed.
I've left the first line as it is - English often uses just the adjective when the meaning is adjective plus obvious noun e.g. Youth is wasted on the young (people) This one is perhaps a little dodgy since 'base' has another quite different meaning as a noun, so I appreciate your insight.
Steve
Comment from krys123
Steve, I truly enjoyed reading your poem very much Because of the interesting aspect created between an alchemist and a poet. Truly your adversity between the making of gold or silver and the making of a poem which truly diverse. The metaphors throughout was very interesting and quite well done.
Your rhyming was extremely excellent and neither of your rhymes were forced, labored or strained and your rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem. Thank you for so much for sharing and posting this for others and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
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reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Steve, I truly enjoyed reading your poem very much Because of the interesting aspect created between an alchemist and a poet. Truly your adversity between the making of gold or silver and the making of a poem which truly diverse. The metaphors throughout was very interesting and quite well done.
Your rhyming was extremely excellent and neither of your rhymes were forced, labored or strained and your rhythm flowed smoothly throughout your poem. Thank you for so much for sharing and posting this for others and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Alex, I appreciate your taking the time to review and your thoughtful response.
Steve
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You are so sincerely welcome Steve
Comment from Loren (7)
I just read a story about some characters searching to learn the secrets of alchemy in northern Africa. I had never heard of it before, but found it intriguing. And now, reading your beautifully penned poem, I come closer to understanding.
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reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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I just read a story about some characters searching to learn the secrets of alchemy in northern Africa. I had never heard of it before, but found it intriguing. And now, reading your beautifully penned poem, I come closer to understanding.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Loren, it's funny how we often come across a new word or concept for the first time and then see it repeatedly - I'm betting you will see alchemy everywhere for a while - it is often thought of as the fore-runner of modern chemistry and was widespread across many civilisations in medieval and earlier times...
Steve
Comment from Mark Valentine
Great metaphor for poetry. The idea of transmuting the base to something beautiful is a perfect definition of poetry. The alliteration in the first and last stanzas, and the tight meter throughout really give this a classic feel which fits the prompt very well. Great poem!
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Great metaphor for poetry. The idea of transmuting the base to something beautiful is a perfect definition of poetry. The alliteration in the first and last stanzas, and the tight meter throughout really give this a classic feel which fits the prompt very well. Great poem!
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Thanks, mark.
Yes, the analogy for the poet taking ordinary things and turning them into something special is a strong one.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
I love the rhythm and the arrangement of the words, Steve. I can't quite buy into all the grandiose notions,
but I have no reason to believe you don't.
I have poetry that is every bit as grand as you describe it.
But I've read some dreck as well.
I like the continuing play on the metals and alchemy theme.
Very well done, Steve. I wish you gold at the end.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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I love the rhythm and the arrangement of the words, Steve. I can't quite buy into all the grandiose notions,
but I have no reason to believe you don't.
I have poetry that is every bit as grand as you describe it.
But I've read some dreck as well.
I like the continuing play on the metals and alchemy theme.
Very well done, Steve. I wish you gold at the end.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 30-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 03-May-2014
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Thanks, Lee.
Yes, perhaps it is a stretch and perhaps I don't see all of my own work transmuting the ordinary into gold or saving the world - we can give the dreck its own label as mere 'verse' and save 'poetry' for those pieces which are special I guess...
Thanks for being first cab off the rank to review (and last to be thanked) and for the six shiny stars.
Steve
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My pleasure, Steve. And congratulations on the win. You deserved it. Lee
