The Bard of Bel Air
A homeless man sees more than people realize.15 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Rating of Chapter 36 - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
This chapter makes a GREAT ending. STOP HERE! Don't do an anticlimax and ruin it. Just write a short EPILOGUE now to wrap up whatever you wish.
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This chapter makes a GREAT ending. STOP HERE! Don't do an anticlimax and ruin it. Just write a short EPILOGUE now to wrap up whatever you wish.
Comment Written 24-May-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Rating of Chapter 35 - The Harbor Cruz!
Very cool chapter. Love how Lucy and Tenaya read the "secret" signals!
Pasted to my friends: Sorry there was no chapter yesterday, but I had a car accident, hit broadside but not injured (physically) and everything else fell apart after that... all phone service down in my area, couldn't reach hubby, heard of Nancy's pneumonia, computer keyboard stopped working, etc, etc.
Then I heard just last night that one of the pups I sold to a friend six years ago, from our first litter, the favorite of all the pups we bred here, so silly, goofy, strangely adorable Dylan got seriously ill and after several days of treatment by the vet, including IVs and tests, etc., he finally started eating and was seeming to get better... then Sally found him dead after his evening nap.
It was the last straw to two days of Hell. Haven't slept much at all, can't stop crying from all the stress and bad news. I'm bleeding from my gut with a colitis attack and can't breathe well... using oxygen fulltime for a while. In other words, I'm a basket case at the moment.
I have obligations to fulfill for a friend here this weekend also. So I may be slow in continuing the story, but I will make it up with extra posts when I can.
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Very cool chapter. Love how Lucy and Tenaya read the "secret" signals!
Pasted to my friends: Sorry there was no chapter yesterday, but I had a car accident, hit broadside but not injured (physically) and everything else fell apart after that... all phone service down in my area, couldn't reach hubby, heard of Nancy's pneumonia, computer keyboard stopped working, etc, etc.
Then I heard just last night that one of the pups I sold to a friend six years ago, from our first litter, the favorite of all the pups we bred here, so silly, goofy, strangely adorable Dylan got seriously ill and after several days of treatment by the vet, including IVs and tests, etc., he finally started eating and was seeming to get better... then Sally found him dead after his evening nap.
It was the last straw to two days of Hell. Haven't slept much at all, can't stop crying from all the stress and bad news. I'm bleeding from my gut with a colitis attack and can't breathe well... using oxygen fulltime for a while. In other words, I'm a basket case at the moment.
I have obligations to fulfill for a friend here this weekend also. So I may be slow in continuing the story, but I will make it up with extra posts when I can.
Comment Written 24-May-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
Rating of Chapter 36 - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
I love the end of the story. The Bard was the hero and he made it out alive. He was normal, for him. The Good doctor died. I looked that. I hold educated people to a higher standard than normal. I would love a sequel where Diamond and Ruby can shake up the rich society of Bel-Air. Great work.
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I love the end of the story. The Bard was the hero and he made it out alive. He was normal, for him. The Good doctor died. I looked that. I hold educated people to a higher standard than normal. I would love a sequel where Diamond and Ruby can shake up the rich society of Bel-Air. Great work.
Comment Written 24-May-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Rating of Chapter 35 - The Harbor Cruz!
I like the boat and harbor scene. Crap! I got the chapters reversed. I thought I was missing something. This looks ship shape to me. Very interesting, fills in the blanks, the void. I get cowlicked at times. This chapter clears up matters. Penned very well. How did I miss this? I'm confounded. Good chapter, enjoyed it very much. Captivates my attention. Love it! master. wackydo
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I like the boat and harbor scene. Crap! I got the chapters reversed. I thought I was missing something. This looks ship shape to me. Very interesting, fills in the blanks, the void. I get cowlicked at times. This chapter clears up matters. Penned very well. How did I miss this? I'm confounded. Good chapter, enjoyed it very much. Captivates my attention. Love it! master. wackydo
Comment Written 24-May-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
Rating of Chapter 36 - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
I don't think you should end it here. Though, WOW!!!!! That is one hell of an ending. Bravo! Tears!!! But, still a lot of story to tell. You did it once.. . Do it again. Winston must still have a larger bunker somewhere else. Hospital rscape? Trials should be fun with the Bard on the stand!!! Harpster is still dead as far as most of the world knows. Lilith must have a play to make. Lots of possibilities. You can always edit into two books. May as well keep going. This is one of your best chapters of everything you have written. Awesome! NG
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I don't think you should end it here. Though, WOW!!!!! That is one hell of an ending. Bravo! Tears!!! But, still a lot of story to tell. You did it once.. . Do it again. Winston must still have a larger bunker somewhere else. Hospital rscape? Trials should be fun with the Bard on the stand!!! Harpster is still dead as far as most of the world knows. Lilith must have a play to make. Lots of possibilities. You can always edit into two books. May as well keep going. This is one of your best chapters of everything you have written. Awesome! NG
Comment Written 24-May-2014
Comment from Sankey
Rating of Chapter 36 - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
hehe good ending. I really don't think anything can be improved on. The baddies all got their dues ah what about Winston and Junior? I had a feeling the Bard was gonna come through. I thought the hit in his head probably didn't do too much damage hehe. Hey! NO SPAGS! Something wrong here!
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hehe good ending. I really don't think anything can be improved on. The baddies all got their dues ah what about Winston and Junior? I had a feeling the Bard was gonna come through. I thought the hit in his head probably didn't do too much damage hehe. Hey! NO SPAGS! Something wrong here!
Comment Written 24-May-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
Rating of Chapter 36 - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Awe, them contests are addicting. It will set you back, I realize. Time to savor this chapter, mate. Ha-ha! I liked the part about the hot dog. So, it had lethal toxin in it. That China man must thought it was a gun. Quick thinking on her part, clever. I did get a chuckle when the Bard got capped in the head. It was amusing. This was some Royal Rumble. Must have been a 25 or 380 caliber pistil? Wonder if he will be able to rhyme again? Twister Sister, is in order, after that bullet spun the Bard around. LOL! Mikey, you know--I love live action! great chapter, sorry I'm depleted of sixes. Marvelous! later Lion King. do loco
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Awe, them contests are addicting. It will set you back, I realize. Time to savor this chapter, mate. Ha-ha! I liked the part about the hot dog. So, it had lethal toxin in it. That China man must thought it was a gun. Quick thinking on her part, clever. I did get a chuckle when the Bard got capped in the head. It was amusing. This was some Royal Rumble. Must have been a 25 or 380 caliber pistil? Wonder if he will be able to rhyme again? Twister Sister, is in order, after that bullet spun the Bard around. LOL! Mikey, you know--I love live action! great chapter, sorry I'm depleted of sixes. Marvelous! later Lion King. do loco
Comment Written 24-May-2014
Comment from nor84
Rating of Chapter 36 - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
There's a typo in the section that deals with the previous happenings. Arrived is spelled with an "n" near its end.
There where (were) at least a hundred Ford Escorts on deck and uncountable crates of undetermined goods.
"Suddenly" is one of those words that's not so good, and I'm seeing twice in the early part of this chapter.
It was a make-you-feel-better preventative tool in case any of the biological substance were to escape by accident>>> this can be any of the biological substances if there are more than one, or if one substance you need to use was.
Her left hand reached into her jacket and pulled out her 38, which she pointed at Winston.>>> I recommend cutting some words here. Is it important that she reaches into her jacket with her left hand? Couldn't she just reach into her jacket and pull out her 38, pointing it at Winston? Or even just "she pulled her 38 from her jacket and leveled it at Winston." These are just suggestions, of course. It's your call.
Winston had already reached in his jacket for a syringe >>> this is a close repeat of reaching into a jacket. There might be a better way. Perhaps just Winston found this fringe in his pocket - something like that. I'm trying to cut down on "had". Action needs to move, and even sentence fragments are all right.
"Payback" is one word.
Good chapter. It's a little wordy in the action scene though.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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There's a typo in the section that deals with the previous happenings. Arrived is spelled with an "n" near its end.
There where (were) at least a hundred Ford Escorts on deck and uncountable crates of undetermined goods.
"Suddenly" is one of those words that's not so good, and I'm seeing twice in the early part of this chapter.
It was a make-you-feel-better preventative tool in case any of the biological substance were to escape by accident>>> this can be any of the biological substances if there are more than one, or if one substance you need to use was.
Her left hand reached into her jacket and pulled out her 38, which she pointed at Winston.>>> I recommend cutting some words here. Is it important that she reaches into her jacket with her left hand? Couldn't she just reach into her jacket and pull out her 38, pointing it at Winston? Or even just "she pulled her 38 from her jacket and leveled it at Winston." These are just suggestions, of course. It's your call.
Winston had already reached in his jacket for a syringe >>> this is a close repeat of reaching into a jacket. There might be a better way. Perhaps just Winston found this fringe in his pocket - something like that. I'm trying to cut down on "had". Action needs to move, and even sentence fragments are all right.
"Payback" is one word.
Good chapter. It's a little wordy in the action scene though.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-May-2014
Comment from Michaelk
Rating of Chapter 36 - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Epilogue man, epilogue. 'Six weeks later...' You could have diamond and harpster sitting on a beach, enjoying the weather when ruby comes out and says 'how is he?' then lucy and tenaya show up. last of all comes bard out in a wheelchair and they talk about what happened to everybody else. Bard of course makes up a song about it. There you go, end of story.
Great chapter by the way. Your action was good and easy to follow. You surprised me with how quickly you wrapped things up though.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Epilogue man, epilogue. 'Six weeks later...' You could have diamond and harpster sitting on a beach, enjoying the weather when ruby comes out and says 'how is he?' then lucy and tenaya show up. last of all comes bard out in a wheelchair and they talk about what happened to everybody else. Bard of course makes up a song about it. There you go, end of story.
Great chapter by the way. Your action was good and easy to follow. You surprised me with how quickly you wrapped things up though.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-May-2014
Comment from seaglass
Rating of Chapter 35 - The Harbor Cruz!
This is good writing and the strategies well worked out. These gals should join the FBI, They're too goo for local police work. Here comes action....
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This is good writing and the strategies well worked out. These gals should join the FBI, They're too goo for local police work. Here comes action....
Comment Written 23-May-2014
