Battle-Born
rebirth of the Western!15 total reviews
Comment from wordsmatter2me
I like you describe all the adventurers of traveling West and the fear of men on his journey. I like western stories and would read from a historical viewpoint the entire story. Always, interested in the names of the characters, what they ate, lived and all the action you are developing onto a great novel. Good Luck!
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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I like you describe all the adventurers of traveling West and the fear of men on his journey. I like western stories and would read from a historical viewpoint the entire story. Always, interested in the names of the characters, what they ate, lived and all the action you are developing onto a great novel. Good Luck!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for sharing and reviewing my story. Indeed, this story will have lots of real events & characters to keep the reader interested.
Comment from angelface2
I think this is a very well written beginning for a story during the Civil War. A little more explanation of the stranger might be in order. When did he dismount and is the man named Sean the stranger? I was confused in reading this. I found places I thought needed commas, but not sure. Good imagery, otherwise.
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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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I think this is a very well written beginning for a story during the Civil War. A little more explanation of the stranger might be in order. When did he dismount and is the man named Sean the stranger? I was confused in reading this. I found places I thought needed commas, but not sure. Good imagery, otherwise.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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Yes, Sean Benteen is the stranger and he never mounted the horse, but led it off the steamboat's gangplank. I am delighted you read this opening and thank you for sharing. As for commas, there are no hard, fast rules in all cases.
Comment from Carrie Carson
Love this, very compelling. I was bummed when I realized it was for this contest...it's got me curious.
I didn't see any spag in this, either.
Great job. This is the first one I've read for the contest but I still have confidence this will do well. :) Carrie
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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Love this, very compelling. I was bummed when I realized it was for this contest...it's got me curious.
I didn't see any spag in this, either.
Great job. This is the first one I've read for the contest but I still have confidence this will do well. :) Carrie
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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I am thrilled this opening to a WESTERN appealed to you so much, Carrie. The genre doesn't have the readership it once did. Thank you so much for your fabulous rating and encouragement.
Comment from Nosha17
You have condensed a great deal of interesting snippets of your story into the first page and it was well done. You have caught my interest and you should continue with this story. Good use of language in the narrative and descriptions and the characters look interesting, too. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Rather super pic, too. Faye
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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You have condensed a great deal of interesting snippets of your story into the first page and it was well done. You have caught my interest and you should continue with this story. Good use of language in the narrative and descriptions and the characters look interesting, too. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Rather super pic, too. Faye
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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Thank you, Faye. So pleased I hooked your interest and you like my narrative.
Comment from jason381202
I Thought this was very well executed in the context of the contest. Its a page that drags you into the story yet leaves you wanting more. You're left speculating about what the Hero's past might be, and wondering what his future may hold. All the elements of a good opener for a book. Well written good analogies, a few grammar issues, but overall very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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I Thought this was very well executed in the context of the contest. Its a page that drags you into the story yet leaves you wanting more. You're left speculating about what the Hero's past might be, and wondering what his future may hold. All the elements of a good opener for a book. Well written good analogies, a few grammar issues, but overall very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2014
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Thank you, Jason, for sharing my first few pages. I am delighted you "wanted more" after reading them.
