Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

It is hard to believe that there are high mountains and deep canyons under the sea. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Stevea

reply by c_lucas on 19-Apr-2014

You're welcome, Steve

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

A haunting poetic verse about the remembrance of long gone golden years and love lost. Very well composed and a solid entry. Don and Vicki

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks for the kind words, Don.

Stevea

Comment from lappmellott

Excellent

I loved your poem and the drawing you choose to use with it. I do art work as well as write and I've always been partial to pencil drawings. It is very sad how something that was once so beautiful goes to ruin. But, when I look at this drawing, I see beauty! Great job.

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Stevea

Comment from sunnilicious

Excellent

This is a beautiful poem. Such creative visual imagery, and exceptional storytelling skills. Great flow of rhythm and rhymes. Fantastic work.

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Stevea

Comment from Kingsland

Excellent

Beautiful thoughts written in a rich poetic thought transference. Your form and format were just right for those thoughts as well. This was a piece of poetic that just flows so very smoothly when read out loud. It was my pleasure to have read and written this response for... John

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

John, thanks for the warm review.

Steve

Comment from SLHarper

Exceptional

This is gorgeous. And sad. You are so convincing, I would believe that you write from first-hand experience... (?) Your haunting message of "nevermore-esque" despair, executed so harrowingly and beautifully through the metaphor of the abandoned seaside shanty, dilapidated, heart-broken, is quite effective. The rhyme and meter are amazing, and your play with internal rhyme, etc., just add a deeper dimension of sad and lovely. I am particularly moved by the sea imagery. What is it about the sea that so effectively captures the spirit of a decimated heart? Anyway, this is a winner...! Fondly, Steph

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks, Steph.

My biography would be more farce than tragedy!

Yeah, this one tweaked up pretty well, didn't it? I won't get my hopes up though - the fat lady's not even on stage yet.

Steve

Comment from barleygirl

Excellent

Very haunting verse, written with intense word choices to personify everything about nature, as if it were, collectively, an all-surrounding monster: "rasps a rhythm" (good alliteration) . . . "breakers growl and grumble" . . . "stinging brambles" . . . every description is an attack of some sort. Excellent analogies thru-out & the sum is a wretched portrait of abandonment. Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks, BG

Yes, this one was a little on the bleak side - glad you liked it.

Steve

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Exceptional

This is absolutely wonderful Steve. A great entry for the abab contest. A winner for sure. The picture sets the dark mood for the message and the words are so dark as if the old bard Poe had penned it himself. Well done my friend. A six in my opinion. Nancy

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Nancy, thanks for the kind words and the six stars.

I am pretty happy with how this panned out - a little bit of Poe oozed through for sure.

Steve

Comment from nancyjam

Exceptional

Bravo! Steve. This is an amazing
piece of writing. Not surprising
from your pen though. The imagery is
outstanding as is the meter and rhyme.
The reader hears the wind and the waves and sees
the sad little house.
The sad condition of the house reflecting
the speaker's as he remembers a love that is gone.
this should win hands down. Best of luck. Nancy

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks, Nancy - gld you enjoyed.

Hands down, huh? It's usually when I start getting confident about an entry that the judges overlook it completely - still my fingers are crossed for this one.

Steve

Comment from Just2Write

Exceptional

I'm so glad I have a six left for this stunning piece of poetry. It reminds me of the poetry of bards of old. Full with writing skill and exceptional flow and meter. The sorrow is palpable, the scene so vividly painted. Stellar work, Steve.
I absolutely love this submission to the contest.

Here are some of my favourite bits:
Here where breakers growl and grumble [great alliteration]
claw the beach with wolfish roar [fantastic imagery]
Cracked the windows, sightless, staring [alliteration]

Wilderness of stinging brambles
chokes where roses once perfumed
[loved the nostalgia of these lines!]
Rose.

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Rose, thanks so much for the enthusiastic review and your obvious enjoyment of this rather melancholy effort... and for the six stars, of course.

Steve