Comment from GWinterwin

Excellent

A good poem, with a good picture. Good word flow and rhyming, telling of the harshness of a oceanfront storm. The sad words about a love gone forever.

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2014

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

I liked the story in your poem. It had everything, love, haunting memories and lost love. The imagery of the abandoned house and the over grown gardens added to the haunting quality of the poem. nicely done. Good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks so much for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from donaldww

Exceptional

Beautiful!

I like the alternating feminine and masculine endings, giving the poem a cadence sympathetic with the lines of Poe''s The Raven.'

Excellent alliterative phrases: growl and grumble; sightless, staring.

And like Poe's Lenore, this poet's lover shall never return.

Excellent job! Good luck with the contest!

Cheers,
DW

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

But thank goodness I didn't try to tackle the full Raven rhyme and meter - I've done it once and just about went insane!

Thanks for the perceptive review and the six stars. Yes, this has a touch of Poe about it. As with many of my pieces it took on a life of its own once I was underway so perhaps his muse came a-visiting.

Steve

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Excellent

Oh my god, Steve. This honestly took my breath away. It is achingly beautiful. I don't have any sixes, but even a six wouldn't come close to being enough. One of the best poems I have ever read on this site. Anywhere, actually. This has to win. I can't stop reading it.

Wow.

And wow again.

Av.

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Now, are we allowed to suggest potential judges for these site contests - I have a feeling I would like to nominate you...

Thanks for the high praise - it means a lot coming from you.

Steve

reply by Cumbrianlass on 19-Apr-2014

Well, I can assure you, my words aren't 'fluff'. It really is a haunting piece of work. There's an entire story embedded in your words.

reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Yep, someone like you could take that and turn it into a novel...

Steve

Comment from Gladness

Exceptional

How very sad. This is a well done poem, everything flows and rhymes as it should. You do good work. This really does leave the reader in a melancholy mood. A hauntingly beautiful poem.
Anita

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Anita, thanks for the kind words and the six stars.

Yes, this does lean towards the melancholy - not my fault - Poe's muse came to visit and dictated the whole thing.

Steve

reply by Gladness on 21-Apr-2014

Now you make me laugh. :)

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

Few things sadden me like seeing an abandoned home. I always wonder about the human stories also lost to the decay. This is beautifully descriptive, and carries a melancholy tone. The readers wonders if the lost love the writer shares is represented metaphorically in the house ..or.. if the house is where the love resided before lost..

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

You are right - the home of my earliest childhood years was left to decay...

Yes, here the abandonment refers both to the house and the speaker of the poem.

Steve

Comment from Visheshta Dahiya

Excellent

great poem..!!!
the words are very well chosen and used. the expressions are superb. the poem has a great flow. a brilliant selection of rhyming words.
best of luck for the contest.
Visheshta

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Visheshta, thanks so much for the warm review.

Steve

reply by Visheshta Dahiya on 20-Apr-2014

welcome :)

Comment from MizKat

Excellent

Hi Steve,

This is a beautiful poem for the ABAB Poetry Contest. You did a magnificent job in writing it. The rhyming is superb! Congrats on it already receiving the All Time Best Award too.

MizKat

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thank you, MizKat!

Steve

Comment from joeakeefe

Excellent

Valued "picture of a "ruin." The first two lines of stanza three are "on the mark" and provide the reader with a most accurate word picture of the ruin Reminds me of the "outermost house," a former artist's residence on a spit of land off Chatam on the elbow of Cape Cod in Massachusetts. Gradually, the sea sought to claim the shack fo rits own and just a few years ago she did effect that result. There was much TV and newspaper coverage of its demise.

The last line of stanza four encapsulates so effectively the three previous lines and again makes it a vivid word picture fo the reader.

Excellent piece of work here.
joeakeefe

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks, Joe - I was pleased to find a suitable picture which captured the essence of the poem.

Steve

Comment from Ekim777

Exceptional

To the very last line we are fed a feast of romantic poetry with the dark shades of the Gothic tradition. It smacks at Edgar Allen Poe, no less. I love your images, metaphors and personifications, all very suggestive and sinister. And the cadence is very musical Here we have a piece where the willing suspension of disbelief is in order. -Ekim777

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks, Mike.

Yes, I may have been channelling a bit of Poe here.

Steve