Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Abandoned"A collection of poems on these themes
109 total reviews
Comment from Willowsong
This poem gave me a sense of loss. A summer cottage perhaps spent many years ago, never to return due to the loss of one's love, possibly through death. Meets the criteria nicely and flows easily. Excellent addition of the dilapidated and overgrown image. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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This poem gave me a sense of loss. A summer cottage perhaps spent many years ago, never to return due to the loss of one's love, possibly through death. Meets the criteria nicely and flows easily. Excellent addition of the dilapidated and overgrown image. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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You're welcome :)
Comment from healfromwithin
I. Absolutely. Loved. It.
This was my favorite piece I've read all week. (And my ONLY 6-star winner.) Hats off! What an excellent contest entry...the other kids better just bag up their marbles and go home.
Good luck - but you won't need it; you rock.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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I. Absolutely. Loved. It.
This was my favorite piece I've read all week. (And my ONLY 6-star winner.) Hats off! What an excellent contest entry...the other kids better just bag up their marbles and go home.
Good luck - but you won't need it; you rock.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Ah, I wish I had your confidence. I am pleased with how this piece wrote itself with a little assistance from my pen, but I have learnt never to count chickens in these site contests - there are always some goodies that you haven't even seen.
Thank you for the enthusiasm and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from JonnyRhymes
This is a great read, in which you have used strong metaphors and vivid imagery to good effect, as well as personification. I also like the way you "make every word count" in your poem; you have not used many "filler" words here but evocative adjectives, and have nevertheless managed to maintain the rhythm. Well done!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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This is a great read, in which you have used strong metaphors and vivid imagery to good effect, as well as personification. I also like the way you "make every word count" in your poem; you have not used many "filler" words here but evocative adjectives, and have nevertheless managed to maintain the rhythm. Well done!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from the blue pixel
I never tire of the rolling rhythm achieved with this rhyme scheme and helped a lot of course by your word choice and skill. "rasps a rhythm" is lovely and just one of a few enjoyable alliterations. "brambles" and "shambles" was an unexpected rhyme and your penultimate stanza was a standout for me with "Order, beauty, turned to shambles" summed up the thoughts in this poem beautifully and the sea imagery created for me, the audible sound of "haunting lies" with the help of your talented mind. Best of luck in the contest Steve. You are really hitting them hard lately and I hope that this is paying off for you but you know I admire your skill very much and it is such a shame that this alone isn't enough, usually, to win contests. Good for your for giving them a red hot go. I have lost all faith in them apart from the stories in a poem or quatrain poems that are not blind. I usually have something like that already written so why not? I admire your persistence but most of all, I just admire you and you are easily one of top favourites on the site. xx Carol
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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I never tire of the rolling rhythm achieved with this rhyme scheme and helped a lot of course by your word choice and skill. "rasps a rhythm" is lovely and just one of a few enjoyable alliterations. "brambles" and "shambles" was an unexpected rhyme and your penultimate stanza was a standout for me with "Order, beauty, turned to shambles" summed up the thoughts in this poem beautifully and the sea imagery created for me, the audible sound of "haunting lies" with the help of your talented mind. Best of luck in the contest Steve. You are really hitting them hard lately and I hope that this is paying off for you but you know I admire your skill very much and it is such a shame that this alone isn't enough, usually, to win contests. Good for your for giving them a red hot go. I have lost all faith in them apart from the stories in a poem or quatrain poems that are not blind. I usually have something like that already written so why not? I admire your persistence but most of all, I just admire you and you are easily one of top favourites on the site. xx Carol
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Carol, thanks so much for the very kind words and for contributing to the size of my head.
FYI (I think this occurred while you were off the site) I had a series of near misses in these site contests, including three second places in a row. I even wrote a Bridesmaid poem about it.
Since then I have actually saluted the judges several times, so I shouldn't complain too much.
If you have time, search my portfolio for a poem called 'Juliet', one of the near misses - it is another dark piece and even uses the fiendish rhyme scheme and meter of Poe's 'The Raven' - I am sure you will like it.
Hitting them hard? My penurious state means I'm always going to have a red hot go at winning these - $100 actually makes a real difference to my life.
Thanks again - I know it's good - let's see what the judges think.
Steve
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LOL I love your 'bridesmaid' poem Steve. I wasn't quite so polite when, sick to death of getting one second and that's it, I wrote a little ditty entitled "Who Do I Have to Dot Dot Dot Around Here......" and of course, I finally won. I shall be happy to check out your 'Juliet' Steve. As long as you continue to write poetry of such high calibre (and you couldn't do anything else), I will be happy to contribute to the size of your head. xx Carol
Comment from mfowler
Your poem describes that broken down house by the sea with great clarity. It's metaphoric role as a symbol for lost love is skilfully rendered. I love the beautiful descriptions of the sea. My favourite:Here where breakers growl and grumble, claw the beach leith wolffish raw.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Your poem describes that broken down house by the sea with great clarity. It's metaphoric role as a symbol for lost love is skilfully rendered. I love the beautiful descriptions of the sea. My favourite:Here where breakers growl and grumble, claw the beach leith wolffish raw.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from akulkumol
A dream someone hoped creating but had abandon for reason unknown. The feelings in thoughts clearly reflects the emotions of a lost dream.
I really loved the stanza..
Wilderness of stinging brambles
chokes where roses once perfumed.
Order, beauty, turned to shambles
where my sweetheart's garden bloomed.
its speaks so much about lost love and dream. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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A dream someone hoped creating but had abandon for reason unknown. The feelings in thoughts clearly reflects the emotions of a lost dream.
I really loved the stanza..
Wilderness of stinging brambles
chokes where roses once perfumed.
Order, beauty, turned to shambles
where my sweetheart's garden bloomed.
its speaks so much about lost love and dream. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
WOW! And here I am without a six left for this masterpiece! Powerful piece with wonderful imagery and imaginative phrasing. I haven't read your work for a while and almost forgot how darn GOOD you are! Bravo! :)
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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WOW! And here I am without a six left for this masterpiece! Powerful piece with wonderful imagery and imaginative phrasing. I haven't read your work for a while and almost forgot how darn GOOD you are! Bravo! :)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Yeah, I always seem to post at the end of the week when the stars are in short supply. never mind, I will take the WOW! and the Bravo! with gratitude.
Steve
Comment from Rondeno
Awesome, Steve. Now THAT's description - every image precise and evocative, and each one contributing to the central theme of loss and melancholy. I could have written this (if I'd had the talent!)
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Awesome, Steve. Now THAT's description - every image precise and evocative, and each one contributing to the central theme of loss and melancholy. I could have written this (if I'd had the talent!)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Ah, but if you'd written it you would have added allusions to literary, theatrical and artistic masterpieces.
I am very glad you liked this and I thank you for the six stars.
Steve
Comment from El Coyote
Now that is a poem. Beautifully written with imagery that fills the senses. The flow, rhyming was exquisite. I like the way the focus shifted from the physical to the emotional by poem's end. Very nicely done.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Now that is a poem. Beautifully written with imagery that fills the senses. The flow, rhyming was exquisite. I like the way the focus shifted from the physical to the emotional by poem's end. Very nicely done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the thoughtful review.
Steve
