Comment from trimple

Excellent

Hey Nor

Well the first thing that struck me as I neared the end of this chapter, was the pace. You have written this very well and manage to keep your reader chomping at the bit. It's like eating popcorn :)

Loved your description of her silken underwear as likened to the inner ear of a white rabbit LOL 'Priceless'

You build up the tension and potential hazards should they remain in Berlin, but Elsa appears either naive, blind or dumb, or a combination of all three.

I thought that the restraint you offered by remaining at one scene was cleverly orchestrated.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

kind regards

trimple:)

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2014

Appreciate the review and your comments, of course, but you really don't have to review for two cents. We're all the way up through Part 9 now, with Part 10 waiting to be written.

reply by trimple on 30-Sep-2014

Hi Nor

I don't have to read for funny money alone you know ...

If I enjoy a particularly well written story, I feel that not only do I learn, but I get to understand why a story works.

The other reason, is that there seems very little point in me reading your latest, if I have no idea of the background.

I read this because I'm enjoying it ..

trimple:)

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

I was drawn to your story as I speak fluent German and have lived there in my university days. I am actually English, but love stories about Germany. You have made good use of language in the narrative and descriptions. Your characters are also well drawn and it was a most enjoyable read. Faye

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014

Thank you, Faye. I, too, love Germany. Visited there in 2001. I'm mainly of Irish descent -- at least half. There was a German in my ancestry, someone who fought for the British in the American Revolution. He was captured by George Washington's troops and either stayed or came back. His name is lost to history.

I don't speak fluent German, but it wouldn't be hard to become fluent. It comes easily to me, except for rolling my 'r'.

Glad you like the story and the characters. Thanks for reviewing.

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

I am so pleased I found this story, it is charged with action and I was really sorry to come to the end. I read your notes on the previous chapter, and so understood where the characters were coming from. Excellent writing, and a really brilliant read. xsx Sandra

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2014

Thanks, Sandra. Glad you like it. There will be more. Thanks, too, for becoming my fan!

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Excellent

Elsa doesn't deserve him. I do, though. She says, puckering up. LOL!

Great post, Nor. Not a spag in sight, so please accept a virtual six since all mine are spent.

Hans is always a ten in my book, anyway.

The urgency is palpable. Elsa's lack of understanding that is also palpable. Silly wench! Hans says he's no dragon-slayer. I think he is. A white knight, too. He's just being modest, bless his sexy, muscular and intensely desirable bod.


It was cut low, lacy and soft pink, the color of a white rabbit's inner ear. Oh, I absolutely love that description.

"sigh"

Zehr gut.


Av

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

I had a heck of a time with that sentence. It kept coming out 'the color of a white rabbit's ear' and my brain kept saying, NO. The color of a white rabbit's ear is uh...white. I must have re-written it four times before I liked it.

What most people like is the 'captured wrist' thing about bearing down on the captured wrist. Nobody mentioned the white knight or dragon-slayer lines. Glad you liked them. I did, too.

Now would this white knight have broken her wrist if she went for his eyes with her nails again?

thanks as always, Av.

Comment from emrpoems

Excellent

love these descriptions/ expression --the colour of a white rabbit's inner ear and--I bore down on the captured wrist with bruising force.
I have some knowledge of the war through discussions with my mother who lived through World War two and also from seeing the movie "Anna Frank's Diary"
Informative an a pleasure to read

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Glad you liked it. Sometimes, phrases just come to me, sometimes they don't, and that's no fun. Thanks for reviewing.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I am wondering what's in the box. I can't believe during war time this young lady is so naïve. It doesn't seem possible. She has to know what's going on around her.

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

She knows what's happening -- the bombs, the shells, but men have always protected her. She thinks Hans and his uncle could do that and doesn't see any reason to leave for an unknown life. As for the stories of Russian atrocity, she's only heard the German broadcasts. She doesn't want to believe them and considers them propaganda. Partly, it's a matter of preferring the devil you know to the devil you don't know.

Thanks for reviewing.

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

Your characters are real people, in flesh and blood, normal people with both the good and the bad. These attributes that we normally see among humans for no one is perfectly good and no one is totally evil. This element makes your story unique and worth following.

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014

Thanks, nassus. Right. Most of us will do whatever it takes to survive -- whatever it takes. Thanks for reviewing and for following.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

To hone my craft to anywhere within the same hemisphere as your beautiful and concise way with words was my goal in joining FS. Thanks for another outstanding chapter. :-)

 Comment Written 18-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014

Thanks, Ric. Just takes an imagination and practice. Great review.

Comment from Alaskastory

Exceptional

Part 2 has each word filled with excitement. This is a story that brings out such a terrifying period in history. Hans is sure a favorite character to me. This chapter is excellent, Nor. Marie

 Comment Written 18-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014

Thanks again. Really appreciated.

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Ah Nor, the story continues, and it's so well-researched, as evidenced by some of the terminology, that it reads like nonfiction. (examples - the rations and the handgun)

I love the descriptions too - examples - "...the colour of a white rabbit's inner ear..." and "...I bore down on the captured wrist with bruising force." >> he purred <<

Wonderful. Tight, tense and authentic.

 Comment Written 18-Apr-2014

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014

I have books, girl, that describe German rations, weapons of WWII and things right down to their safety razors. Some of the research can be done on eBay, too. They had 'instant' coffee, formed into cakes. Probably made from grain, but still...

Would our hero have broken the lady's wrist? In a heartbeat! He warned her, and he doesn't mess around. She'd better be getting dressed.

Glad you enjoyed it.

reply by Dawn Munro on 18-Apr-2014

AHA! Yes, I do sense (from this part, and others) that Hans is a no-nonsense, serious man, and in this circumstance, a broken wrist would be a small price to pay if it caused her to believe him about the invaders.