A New Life
100 word short story34 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Nice snapshot of a moment of victory. I like how the wording in the opening paragraph leads the reader to imagine she is at a wedding (gown, aisle, etc). God effective twist in what it really is!
Good characterization and POV with good use of internal dialog. Not easy to develop those two aspects in only 100 words. you did a good job.
Well paced.
No nits.
Tight and trim, though i have one minor suggestion:
She smiled at friends and family and wondered if they thought she had made a wrong decision.
Maybe trim AND:
She smiled at friends and family, wondering if they thought she had made a wrong decision.
or:
She smiled at friends and family. (IN ITALICS)I wonder if they think I've made a wrong decision?
This has all the requirements of the contest--main character, setting, conflict and resolution.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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Nice snapshot of a moment of victory. I like how the wording in the opening paragraph leads the reader to imagine she is at a wedding (gown, aisle, etc). God effective twist in what it really is!
Good characterization and POV with good use of internal dialog. Not easy to develop those two aspects in only 100 words. you did a good job.
Well paced.
No nits.
Tight and trim, though i have one minor suggestion:
She smiled at friends and family and wondered if they thought she had made a wrong decision.
Maybe trim AND:
She smiled at friends and family, wondering if they thought she had made a wrong decision.
or:
She smiled at friends and family. (IN ITALICS)I wonder if they think I've made a wrong decision?
This has all the requirements of the contest--main character, setting, conflict and resolution.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 18-May-2014
reply by the author on 18-May-2014
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What a wonderful review for my micro story, rd. Thank you for your time to read, review, and offer your always great suggestions. I'm delighted you enjoyed the story.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
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Most welcome, dear Karyn. My pleasure. Warmly, rd
Comment from dreamin'
Definitely a complete story! And cleverly written, too. I highly doubt I was the only one to think this was a wedding scene. To tell a story in so few words, and have a surprise ending at the same time is surely why this voted All Time Best. Congratulations!
Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Definitely a complete story! And cleverly written, too. I highly doubt I was the only one to think this was a wedding scene. To tell a story in so few words, and have a surprise ending at the same time is surely why this voted All Time Best. Congratulations!
Debbie
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Debbie, I'm so honored by your generous rating and wonderful review for my story. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it and I appreciate your kind words.
Smiles,
Indy : )
Comment from RodG
I like how you have set the scene and slowly provided Miranda's backstory as your camera takes her on to the stage to collect her diploma.
It's interesting how the reader's "view" of her changes radically once we learn how old she is. When we first see her, we think she's young and we're almost indifferent. Then, by the end, we're proud of her achievement.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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I like how you have set the scene and slowly provided Miranda's backstory as your camera takes her on to the stage to collect her diploma.
It's interesting how the reader's "view" of her changes radically once we learn how old she is. When we first see her, we think she's young and we're almost indifferent. Then, by the end, we're proud of her achievement.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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What a great review, RodG. Thank you for taking the time to read my little story and for your kind comments. I'm so glad you enjoyed and thanks for your encouragement.
Smiles,
Indy : )
Comment from Muffins
Appreciated how you handled steering the reader into thinking Miranda was walking down the aisle but instead she was receiving her diploma. As a reader, this slight turn did not feel out of order or that you, as the writer, was trying to trick me. Lovely work.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Appreciated how you handled steering the reader into thinking Miranda was walking down the aisle but instead she was receiving her diploma. As a reader, this slight turn did not feel out of order or that you, as the writer, was trying to trick me. Lovely work.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you, Muffins, for your kind review for my little story. I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to read and share your comments. Thanks!
Smiles,
Indy : )
Comment from Twilightspire
A sweet, smart story. Excellently written and well within the guidelines of the contest. The unexpected ending was a nice touch. Thank you for posting. This was an enjoyable flash fiction and you made it look easy, something that most flash fiction fails at. Great read and good luck with the contest.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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A sweet, smart story. Excellently written and well within the guidelines of the contest. The unexpected ending was a nice touch. Thank you for posting. This was an enjoyable flash fiction and you made it look easy, something that most flash fiction fails at. Great read and good luck with the contest.
-T.J.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Thanks so much for your kind review and comments for my little story, TJ. I appreciate your taking the time to read and share your thoughts. Thanks.
Comment from brentman99
Touching. You had me there for a minute because I wondered if Miranda was getting re-married later in life. Getting the degree was just as good. A nice touch. Thanks for sharing, Brent.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Touching. You had me there for a minute because I wondered if Miranda was getting re-married later in life. Getting the degree was just as good. A nice touch. Thanks for sharing, Brent.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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I'm so glad you enjoyed this little story, Brent, and I appreciate your taking the time to read and share your thoughts. Thanks for the great review!
Comment from mfowler
This is really nicely written; excellent sentences and well connected ideas. But, you caught me out. I thought Miranda was getting married. I thought, "THis girl is focussed on the wrong things," -appearances. Then when I find she is sixty seven, my interest peaked. How wonderful. Then, she gets her degree; how wonderful! How lost was I?
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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This is really nicely written; excellent sentences and well connected ideas. But, you caught me out. I thought Miranda was getting married. I thought, "THis girl is focussed on the wrong things," -appearances. Then when I find she is sixty seven, my interest peaked. How wonderful. Then, she gets her degree; how wonderful! How lost was I?
Comment Written 16-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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You read the story just like I hoped a reader would, mfowler! Thank you for your great review and for taking the time to read and share your comments. I'm so glad you enjoyed the twist and thanks for the encouragement.
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Loved it!
Comment from JavaJunkie
This is very well written and I really enjoyed the twist at the end. You did a good job of leading us to believe she is walking down the isle again, but not in a way that ticks the reader off or makes them feel like they've been tricked.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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This is very well written and I really enjoyed the twist at the end. You did a good job of leading us to believe she is walking down the isle again, but not in a way that ticks the reader off or makes them feel like they've been tricked.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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I'm so glad you enjoyed my little story, JavaJunkie. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your comments. I really like writing for this 100-word contest, so thanks for your review.
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. It is never too late. I graduated from college when I was 30. I never went to a high school until I taught at one. Old age does not mean you have to set in a rocking chair. Great work.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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I love the story. It is never too late. I graduated from college when I was 30. I never went to a high school until I taught at one. Old age does not mean you have to set in a rocking chair. Great work.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for this great review for my story, nelliesellie. I appreciate your taking the time to read and share your comments. I really like writing for this 100-word contest, so I'm glad you enjoyed.
Comment from lancellot
Interesting, it had that feel of a wedding, until you wrote the word stairs. But good use of misdirection to make a proper flash fiction tale. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Interesting, it had that feel of a wedding, until you wrote the word stairs. But good use of misdirection to make a proper flash fiction tale. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Thanks so much for your kind review and comments for my little story, lancellot. Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed.
