The Greta Garbo Lady
Someone i saw...30 total reviews
Comment from angelface2
What an interesting story about a lady you admired, but didn't know. You will never know what happened to her, but best to remember her at her best. I found nothing in the way of spag. Lovely. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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What an interesting story about a lady you admired, but didn't know. You will never know what happened to her, but best to remember her at her best. I found nothing in the way of spag. Lovely. Miss Sally
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you for reading and commenting in my story.
Comment from akulkumol
Beautiful narrative style, the descriptions gave a vivid picture of the happenings. The eagerness and curiosity can felt very clearly.The mystery remained unsolved who was that lady and the transformation that took place. Loved the ending instead of trying to analyse what I said it ended with the memory of beginning. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Beautiful narrative style, the descriptions gave a vivid picture of the happenings. The eagerness and curiosity can felt very clearly.The mystery remained unsolved who was that lady and the transformation that took place. Loved the ending instead of trying to analyse what I said it ended with the memory of beginning. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much for reading this work. I like that you liked the ending because it was difficult to let it go.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Amada, this is a poignant story. Your character is saddened by the deterioration of her "Greta Garbo lady". It's sad that all she could think to do was withdraw at the sight.
Question about the line: "I felt the ache of a stab."
Your watcher wasn't stabbed, although she might have felt the stab of an ache.
All in all, a moving story. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Amada, this is a poignant story. Your character is saddened by the deterioration of her "Greta Garbo lady". It's sad that all she could think to do was withdraw at the sight.
Question about the line: "I felt the ache of a stab."
Your watcher wasn't stabbed, although she might have felt the stab of an ache.
All in all, a moving story. :) Nancy
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
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Thank you for reading my work and your insightful comments.
Comment from Joan E.
Your intriguing descriptions of the "mystery lady" were captivating. I relished her "experiencing a hint of the sacred" and your "squirreling" verb. The ultimate "shell" not "statue" and "faraway look of a tombstone" was very sad. Your honoring her as she appeared in the past was touching. Hugs- Joan
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Your intriguing descriptions of the "mystery lady" were captivating. I relished her "experiencing a hint of the sacred" and your "squirreling" verb. The ultimate "shell" not "statue" and "faraway look of a tombstone" was very sad. Your honoring her as she appeared in the past was touching. Hugs- Joan
Comment Written 16-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2014
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Thank you for reading my work and your lovable comments.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello amada
You got me very interested in your story about this lady you called The Greta Garbo Lady
As you saw her as the years went on from beauty to and old lonely lady.
Gert
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Hello amada
You got me very interested in your story about this lady you called The Greta Garbo Lady
As you saw her as the years went on from beauty to and old lonely lady.
Gert
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you for reading my work!
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You are welcome
Gert
Comment from acerisestory
I enjoyed your story and can well appreciate how the excitement he (you?) felt was the mystery of the woman who he could not see. And, then to see her for what she was ruined it all! From my perspective, your story was well written.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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I enjoyed your story and can well appreciate how the excitement he (you?) felt was the mystery of the woman who he could not see. And, then to see her for what she was ruined it all! From my perspective, your story was well written.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you for reading my story and for the awesome comments.
Comment from Bryana
My dear friend, this a beautifully written
story about someone who many people admired
and remembered with admiration and affection.
Many people had those days of youth, elegance
but time goes by and the beauty and elegance
is gone. We choose how to remember these people.
Good luck in the contest. Hugs.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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My dear friend, this a beautifully written
story about someone who many people admired
and remembered with admiration and affection.
Many people had those days of youth, elegance
but time goes by and the beauty and elegance
is gone. We choose how to remember these people.
Good luck in the contest. Hugs.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Hugs goes back to you, dearest friend. Thank you.
Comment from barleygirl
Your story is well-told & rich with description of this woman & how her various stages of passing made the narrator feel. To describe an everyday observation is a fresh way to approach this contest. Frankly, I felt a little sad at the end, becuz the narrator didn't honor her in all her moods. Does one have to be glorious to be acknowledged? Tho I don't like this implication that I'm getting from the story, it's still a well-written piece. Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Your story is well-told & rich with description of this woman & how her various stages of passing made the narrator feel. To describe an everyday observation is a fresh way to approach this contest. Frankly, I felt a little sad at the end, becuz the narrator didn't honor her in all her moods. Does one have to be glorious to be acknowledged? Tho I don't like this implication that I'm getting from the story, it's still a well-written piece. Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you reading and for the depth of your response. I didn't even thought that she would liked to be acknowledged in her old age as well. Believe me...I want to. Thank you for illuminating my thinking.
Comment from Louise Michelle
This is written so well. I love how you use fictional techniques to enrich your biographical slice-of-life. I'm sure everyone can relate to the sadness of seeing people grow old and lose their luster. I'm glad you chose to keep her beauty, mystery and vitality in your memory. Well done, Lou
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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This is written so well. I love how you use fictional techniques to enrich your biographical slice-of-life. I'm sure everyone can relate to the sadness of seeing people grow old and lose their luster. I'm glad you chose to keep her beauty, mystery and vitality in your memory. Well done, Lou
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you Lou for reading my work and for your insightful comments.
Comment from RGstar
This is beautifully written. Perhaps my one concern, especially the first part of the write, a tinge or slight over-usage of rich nouns, where simple might have been better, but the second half compensated and evened out.
Here is an example;
I shivered slightly within the envelope of her haunting presence.''
Perfectly fine, but, for me, a little too rich in applying spices to the soup. It could have easily sounded like:
''I shivered slightly, enveloped by her haunting presence.''
That would take away some of the wrapping so the goodness be seen.
''She was tall, thin, erect, distinguished, elegant.''
Just add 'and' before elegant, after distinguished. This would give a correct flow in writing rather than a report style documentation.
''Her hands reposed by her side. It seemed to me she was experiencing a hint of the sacred while crossing my path''
Perhaps think about changing the word ''repose'' as that would not coincide with that beautiful magnetic, musical walk you speak of. Her arms would have been fixed by her side making the walk more robotic, or mechanical.
''I started revering the image of a person I never would know.''
Try to change the last section to ''I would never know,'' rather than, 'I never would know.'
''Through the years, my junipers grew to two feet, then five luscious feet tall.''
Try not to use feet twice in the same sentence for one description. Better written;
''Through the years, my junipers grew to two, then five luscious feet tall.''
'''I almost didn't recognize her, yet ingrained on her was still that trace of mystery, magnetism, allure.''
Again here, try to put 'and' in before your last noun; after magnetism and in front of allure.
''No joy. Her singsong walk was now a cold, robotic stride. That's the time I saw her face for the first time as well.''
No need for ''as well'' here, it defeats your sentence. You have already stated your point of seeing her face for the first time with nothing preceding that fact, so fine as it is without.
I might also have added 'was' instead of 'That's.''
. That was the time I saw her face for the first time.''
A much stronger and powerful statement.
Despite the suggested changes, I feel this work is beautifully coordinated, and with the small tweaks it is well worth my six stars as it brings in the subject of change, aging, and the mystery of perception in a poetic and alluring style.
There is such a melancholy end, and a strong realization of vibrant youth we take for granted, yet like the flower time is its master of which there is no escape.
Beautiful, my friend, beautiful.
My best wishes,
Bravo.
RGstar
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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This is beautifully written. Perhaps my one concern, especially the first part of the write, a tinge or slight over-usage of rich nouns, where simple might have been better, but the second half compensated and evened out.
Here is an example;
I shivered slightly within the envelope of her haunting presence.''
Perfectly fine, but, for me, a little too rich in applying spices to the soup. It could have easily sounded like:
''I shivered slightly, enveloped by her haunting presence.''
That would take away some of the wrapping so the goodness be seen.
''She was tall, thin, erect, distinguished, elegant.''
Just add 'and' before elegant, after distinguished. This would give a correct flow in writing rather than a report style documentation.
''Her hands reposed by her side. It seemed to me she was experiencing a hint of the sacred while crossing my path''
Perhaps think about changing the word ''repose'' as that would not coincide with that beautiful magnetic, musical walk you speak of. Her arms would have been fixed by her side making the walk more robotic, or mechanical.
''I started revering the image of a person I never would know.''
Try to change the last section to ''I would never know,'' rather than, 'I never would know.'
''Through the years, my junipers grew to two feet, then five luscious feet tall.''
Try not to use feet twice in the same sentence for one description. Better written;
''Through the years, my junipers grew to two, then five luscious feet tall.''
'''I almost didn't recognize her, yet ingrained on her was still that trace of mystery, magnetism, allure.''
Again here, try to put 'and' in before your last noun; after magnetism and in front of allure.
''No joy. Her singsong walk was now a cold, robotic stride. That's the time I saw her face for the first time as well.''
No need for ''as well'' here, it defeats your sentence. You have already stated your point of seeing her face for the first time with nothing preceding that fact, so fine as it is without.
I might also have added 'was' instead of 'That's.''
. That was the time I saw her face for the first time.''
A much stronger and powerful statement.
Despite the suggested changes, I feel this work is beautifully coordinated, and with the small tweaks it is well worth my six stars as it brings in the subject of change, aging, and the mystery of perception in a poetic and alluring style.
There is such a melancholy end, and a strong realization of vibrant youth we take for granted, yet like the flower time is its master of which there is no escape.
Beautiful, my friend, beautiful.
My best wishes,
Bravo.
RGstar
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you. Thank you.
