The Harmonica
A Mango the Beagle story24 total reviews
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi John,
sorry for my late arrival mate... but the wait for me at least was worth the admission ticket into this show... you know I love your children's stories and this one just adds to the cast... so many new characters and all with great names... boy, I wish I was a kid again, just so I could read the story through younger eyes... hell, I love reading it now and are always wrapped about the moral behind such a poignant subject... forgiveness. I just think it's great my friend... like I've said on many occasions... this is you forte... you shine brightly and I know the children will love it... how would they not? An encouraging story with your colourful flair for names... just loved it!
With our thoughts we create,
fantasy with morals,
James.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
  |
Hi John,
sorry for my late arrival mate... but the wait for me at least was worth the admission ticket into this show... you know I love your children's stories and this one just adds to the cast... so many new characters and all with great names... boy, I wish I was a kid again, just so I could read the story through younger eyes... hell, I love reading it now and are always wrapped about the moral behind such a poignant subject... forgiveness. I just think it's great my friend... like I've said on many occasions... this is you forte... you shine brightly and I know the children will love it... how would they not? An encouraging story with your colourful flair for names... just loved it!
With our thoughts we create,
fantasy with morals,
James.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2014
-
Fantasy with morals... Yes. I enjoy writing children stories. I just hope one day, somehow I will get something in print, published. Just need to figure out how. It is so darn confusing. Maybe one day it will hit me...
James, thank you for all your support and words of encouragement. I need that boost (more like a kick in the rump) to keep me going. I certainly appreciate it when you take the time to read and post these tremendous rewarding reviews.
Thank you once again, my friend. You are a gentlemen! John
-
Hey, John... find yourself someone that does illustrations of your characters and start to construct your books... what are you waiting for? you've got the goods in your hand... what holding you back? We're on a writing site... someone on here will be able to help you... you just need to ask... I know time is rare for a worker like yourself, but sometimes you just have to set a little time aside to accommodate... nothing ventured... nothing gained... right? What you doing brother? Get going!
-
Thank James. You're right. Just gotta make the first move. Always appreciated, my friend! Will do.
John
Comment from Louise Michelle
Hi jmdg et. etc.,
It seems I've already read some of your work. I have enough trouble remembering names, let alone all these strange handles, lol.
I think this is a delightful children's story. However, I think it's a bit wordy. What age group are you targeting? In my opinion, it would make a good picture book but would need to be shortened.
I used to write children's picture book stories years ago and haven't kept up on trends, etc. Another option would be to lengthen this into a chapter book for young readers.
Hugs,
Lou
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
 |
Hi jmdg et. etc.,
It seems I've already read some of your work. I have enough trouble remembering names, let alone all these strange handles, lol.
I think this is a delightful children's story. However, I think it's a bit wordy. What age group are you targeting? In my opinion, it would make a good picture book but would need to be shortened.
I used to write children's picture book stories years ago and haven't kept up on trends, etc. Another option would be to lengthen this into a chapter book for young readers.
Hugs,
Lou
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2014
-
Honestly, I don't know. I just write a story, no specific age group (although I know this targets a little younger group). I don't know whom to write for because I have no clue what-so-ever how to get published. Meaning... I'm in a fog. So I write, maybe one dsy I'll figure it out. John
Thank you. I appreciate everything. John
-
Getting published is no easy task because companies must think of the bottom line - profit. There are so many ezines (electronic magazines) online. Perhaps you'd like to check them out as you discover your favorite genre.
Comment from RGstar
Marvelous write JM, I have no sixes, as this just squeezes one in, so please accept my next best.
A very expressive fable. Good all-round imagery.
Great write, with the characters stepping up to the play.
Bravo,
RGstar
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
|
Marvelous write JM, I have no sixes, as this just squeezes one in, so please accept my next best.
A very expressive fable. Good all-round imagery.
Great write, with the characters stepping up to the play.
Bravo,
RGstar
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
-
Thank you very much RG. Wishful sixes are always appreciated. John
Comment from Gloria ....
Little kids will love the two roosters crowing in the arrival of a new day.
Ha, love that the mayor is a female Panda bear and chocolate coconut milk sounds delish.
crick, crick, crackle -- another good participatory sound for the children.
Excellent making the bully a weasel. Poor little weasels. ;-) One nit around in there: It means they're not alway (always) honest, especially when they want something."
It would be nice if it were as simple as that to stop bullies, but sadly, especially in today's world, they're much more difficult to disarm and I'm not talking about their guns.
Nonetheless, John, it's a wonderful story and I think kids would love it LOTS.
Gloria
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
|
Little kids will love the two roosters crowing in the arrival of a new day.
Ha, love that the mayor is a female Panda bear and chocolate coconut milk sounds delish.
crick, crick, crackle -- another good participatory sound for the children.
Excellent making the bully a weasel. Poor little weasels. ;-) One nit around in there: It means they're not alway (always) honest, especially when they want something."
It would be nice if it were as simple as that to stop bullies, but sadly, especially in today's world, they're much more difficult to disarm and I'm not talking about their guns.
Nonetheless, John, it's a wonderful story and I think kids would love it LOTS.
Gloria
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
-
You are 100% spot-on with the bully comment, but I wanted to keep it light on a children's story involving simple named animals so they can see the change in people (animal).
Thank you Gloria for stopping by to read and share. Always appreciate it. John
Comment from IndianaIrish
John, I just spent over an hour with your story and the review and lost everything I wrote. If you really are interested in what I think will improve the story, I would be more than happy to do a re-do but I won't get to it until tomorrow. I just didn't want you to think I missed the story. I really enjoyed your story but feel there are some parts that can buff it up. Let me know.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
|
John, I just spent over an hour with your story and the review and lost everything I wrote. If you really are interested in what I think will improve the story, I would be more than happy to do a re-do but I won't get to it until tomorrow. I just didn't want you to think I missed the story. I really enjoyed your story but feel there are some parts that can buff it up. Let me know.
Smiles,
Karyn : )
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
-
Of course I'd like to read your feedback. But I know an hour is quite a long time, so I'll leave it up to you. No problem, either way... John
-
Okay, I'll redo it as soon as I can.
Comment from Muffins
The children characters display the wonderful complex emotional ups and downs a child goes through. Wenona is written with sensitivity and compassion. Mango, although a good hearted, Beagle, is not weak and is smart to sense the feeling of others. Brilliant idea of using animals to represent the theme of bullying and how easily it can be changed around. I found it appealing.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
|
The children characters display the wonderful complex emotional ups and downs a child goes through. Wenona is written with sensitivity and compassion. Mango, although a good hearted, Beagle, is not weak and is smart to sense the feeling of others. Brilliant idea of using animals to represent the theme of bullying and how easily it can be changed around. I found it appealing.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
-
Thank you muffins for your thoughtful review. I appreciate it very much. John
Comment from dreamin'
What a great story! It flowed well, and had very nice visuals. The names were thoughtful, and seemed to go with the animal.
I did find it curious that Mango was the only one whose name was different from something beginning with B. Well, I guess the teacher's name was different, too. When I realized this, I kind of left the story itself, and found myself looking at name choice for the others.
Thanks for sharing.
Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
|
What a great story! It flowed well, and had very nice visuals. The names were thoughtful, and seemed to go with the animal.
I did find it curious that Mango was the only one whose name was different from something beginning with B. Well, I guess the teacher's name was different, too. When I realized this, I kind of left the story itself, and found myself looking at name choice for the others.
Thanks for sharing.
Debbie
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
-
Debbie, Mango is my main charector so I wanted her to stand out a bit. Plus, it's a take on my beagle that we had for sixteen years, Mindy.
I appreciate all you wrote in the review. Thank you. John
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Only found one minor glitch in this very sweet story about being nice to people even when they bully you.
Mrs. Snodwhimple asked Mango if she would like to play her harmonica for the class? - no question mark.
Very well done, John. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
|
Only found one minor glitch in this very sweet story about being nice to people even when they bully you.
Mrs. Snodwhimple asked Mango if she would like to play her harmonica for the class? - no question mark.
Very well done, John. :) Nancy
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
-
Thank you nancy for the review, support and correction. John
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Hi John, I am out of sixes or you would have it. I enjoyed the developing story of friendship, school values, humor, adventure and doing the right thing. I look forward to reading more. Please continue. Love, Carolyn
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
|
Hi John, I am out of sixes or you would have it. I enjoyed the developing story of friendship, school values, humor, adventure and doing the right thing. I look forward to reading more. Please continue. Love, Carolyn
Comment Written 18-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
-
Thank you Carolyn for all those words of encouragement. I certainly appreciate it. I hope all is well.
John
-
I'm still smilin', :-) Carolyn
Comment from Selina Stambi
Mayor Pauline Panda was - a female mayor... a very forward thinking community of critters, indeed!
John,
Your children's stories are absolutely precious! I love the fabulous names you've given your critters, especially Mango and Symphony.
This is your space - children's fiction!
Looking forward to the next charming write.
Happy Easter!
Sonali
windows to (missing a word here?) and awaken those in a sleepy slumber
head through the water(')s surface
Mango corrected Billy('s spelling)
arrived at the (school) entrance
Mrs. Snodwimple, the teacher(,) asked them
She ha(d) been the school teacher a real long time and
ha(d) even taught the mommies and daddies of many of the students. Everyone love(d) her.
Each row behind them were followed by older students. .. suggest: The older students sat in the rows behind
in the school(')s annual Spelling Bee Co
assignments and she rarely (paid) attention in class
Then(no comma here) one day Mango brought it to school(,) hoping she could play for
Mango's book-bag, (and) took the harmonica
book-bag/ book bag ... you've got both
bought her a lo(l)lipop at Harriet
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
|
Mayor Pauline Panda was - a female mayor... a very forward thinking community of critters, indeed!
John,
Your children's stories are absolutely precious! I love the fabulous names you've given your critters, especially Mango and Symphony.
This is your space - children's fiction!
Looking forward to the next charming write.
Happy Easter!
Sonali
windows to (missing a word here?) and awaken those in a sleepy slumber
head through the water(')s surface
Mango corrected Billy('s spelling)
arrived at the (school) entrance
Mrs. Snodwimple, the teacher(,) asked them
She ha(d) been the school teacher a real long time and
ha(d) even taught the mommies and daddies of many of the students. Everyone love(d) her.
Each row behind them were followed by older students. .. suggest: The older students sat in the rows behind
in the school(')s annual Spelling Bee Co
assignments and she rarely (paid) attention in class
Then(no comma here) one day Mango brought it to school(,) hoping she could play for
Mango's book-bag, (and) took the harmonica
book-bag/ book bag ... you've got both
bought her a lo(l)lipop at Harriet
Comment Written 17-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2014
-
Somali, you're the best! Thank you for those corrections and suggestions. I most appreciate it. Your encouragement and supportive words go a long way.
Have a great Easter! Thanks again.
John
