Murder Most Foul
Who done it? The butler?6 total reviews
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Very well done! What a super twisted ending. You have my vote for sure.
A couple of small things:
"I private; if I may." (Should be: "In private; if I may.")
You will be heading this one up Reid" (Should be: "You'll be heading this one up, Reid.")
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Very well done! What a super twisted ending. You have my vote for sure.
A couple of small things:
"I private; if I may." (Should be: "In private; if I may.")
You will be heading this one up Reid" (Should be: "You'll be heading this one up, Reid.")
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much for the kind review and for the vote; I really appreciate it.
Comment from Millibrad
You get five stars because you've penned a great story line, but the piece needs a lot of cleaning up.
"This is big[,] Reid," You have other instance like this one. When you address a person directly, the name should be separated by commas.
"That's Detective Chief Superintendent Reid[,] (son)[Son]." Son gets treated as a proper noun, the same as you would do for mom or dad, etc. when it replaces the person's name. So,it should be capitalized and also separated with comma in this instance."Thirty minutes later I'm in the lounge comforting(,) Sophia, Lady Kensington's mother."
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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You get five stars because you've penned a great story line, but the piece needs a lot of cleaning up.
"This is big[,] Reid," You have other instance like this one. When you address a person directly, the name should be separated by commas.
"That's Detective Chief Superintendent Reid[,] (son)[Son]." Son gets treated as a proper noun, the same as you would do for mom or dad, etc. when it replaces the person's name. So,it should be capitalized and also separated with comma in this instance."Thirty minutes later I'm in the lounge comforting(,) Sophia, Lady Kensington's mother."
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you very much for the review and for the tips.
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. I love the story. It makes sense. An insider like a cop could have gotten away with the murders. The old days gave people with money or position certain rights. They were overlooked when it came to crime. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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I love the picture. I love the story. It makes sense. An insider like a cop could have gotten away with the murders. The old days gave people with money or position certain rights. They were overlooked when it came to crime. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you for the fine review. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from AnncFl
Good writing. Double Surprise ending.easy reading. Always on the edge of my chair. Since I'm not very familiar with time period , doubted some of the language and scene set ups.thanks for your entry. Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Good writing. Double Surprise ending.easy reading. Always on the edge of my chair. Since I'm not very familiar with time period , doubted some of the language and scene set ups.thanks for your entry. Well done.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the fine review.
Comment from Briar172
I can not condone the methodology for the verse. There are many, many novels out there and none of them sport isolated paragraph form. A few use this as a tool to isolate a scene. I very much enjoyed the flow of Story. I believe it is well done, however, one should never, I think, detract from a Reader's attention by misspelled words.
Example: "Good grief, I only say her last week. She was in great form."
Here, I think, you meant to say 'saw' rather than 'say'. EZ fixes. Get rid of any extra ands, theys, etc. Reduce to action, play it well. Do not allow an Editor to chuck your Work just because you format it diff.
Try listening to Writer's Toolbelt. Available on iTunes for free. I did, and it helped me.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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I can not condone the methodology for the verse. There are many, many novels out there and none of them sport isolated paragraph form. A few use this as a tool to isolate a scene. I very much enjoyed the flow of Story. I believe it is well done, however, one should never, I think, detract from a Reader's attention by misspelled words.
Example: "Good grief, I only say her last week. She was in great form."
Here, I think, you meant to say 'saw' rather than 'say'. EZ fixes. Get rid of any extra ands, theys, etc. Reduce to action, play it well. Do not allow an Editor to chuck your Work just because you format it diff.
Try listening to Writer's Toolbelt. Available on iTunes for free. I did, and it helped me.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the review.
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I have just been made aware that there is encouragement to place space between the Lines. In a way as not be published, yet easier to read. So, with that knowledge I can rightly say I retract my main detractor thee. LOL, Pardon my Review, then.
Comment from vapros
This is an entertaining and imaginative who-dun-it, well planned, and with a good surprise ending. Detective Chief Superintendent Reid turns out to be a slimy villain, and murder investigations among the British upper-crust are less than the best.
I noted a spelling error - silver 'ware'. You made good use of white space today, especially in the dialogue, but I saw a number of hard returns that I'm sure were unintentional. It seems that you hit the 'enter' key sometimes, rather than waiting for your program to start another line.
Overall, you wrote well, and I was impressed.
v
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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This is an entertaining and imaginative who-dun-it, well planned, and with a good surprise ending. Detective Chief Superintendent Reid turns out to be a slimy villain, and murder investigations among the British upper-crust are less than the best.
I noted a spelling error - silver 'ware'. You made good use of white space today, especially in the dialogue, but I saw a number of hard returns that I'm sure were unintentional. It seems that you hit the 'enter' key sometimes, rather than waiting for your program to start another line.
Overall, you wrote well, and I was impressed.
v
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2014
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Thank you for reading and for the great review.
