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Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Goodbye, Papa"A Whole New Identity
15 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
I am not particular fond of where this is leading, but you are the author and know the path you want to take. Where was Rex when all of this was going on? A very good job of writing.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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I am not particular fond of where this is leading, but you are the author and know the path you want to take. Where was Rex when all of this was going on? A very good job of writing.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Thanks so much, Charlie. I gotta get Rex into things, but the characters are just running away with this one.
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're welcome,Gayle. I hope Rex is well housebroken. (LOL) Charlie
Comment from Ted T
Hi Gayle :)
Can't find any SPAG, but found one possible nit:
pronouncet? Is this a typo?
Other than that, you're on a roll.
It does seem a bit too good to be true for the couple.
Ted
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Hi Gayle :)
Can't find any SPAG, but found one possible nit:
pronouncet? Is this a typo?
Other than that, you're on a roll.
It does seem a bit too good to be true for the couple.
Ted
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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That's a type, Ted! Will get it! Thanks so much for the gorgeous sixer, really appreciate the support and the great review. I'll get that nit right now! Hugs, Gayle
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You're welcome :)
Comment from emrpoems
Good use of dialogue and interaction between characters.
i think Julia may dress in Muslim garb so that she is not identified but i am not sure if that will work.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Good use of dialogue and interaction between characters.
i think Julia may dress in Muslim garb so that she is not identified but i am not sure if that will work.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Oh yes, that's what she did when she shot Ari. That's why no one recognized her - plus, with the surgery, Hamid has no way to know what she looks like, yet.
Thanks for the fine comments and review,
Gayle
Comment from lindalcreel
Now the fun should really start. I have no doubt that Hamid will go after Hali (Julia) but Brad isn't going to let anyone hurt her without dying first. They know Hamid is still out there and I hope they are careful. His little girlfriend should get the boot. Her father doesn't seem like the kind of man who will play with his daughter's life. Sooner or later she will be revealed as a traitor. Great story!
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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Now the fun should really start. I have no doubt that Hamid will go after Hali (Julia) but Brad isn't going to let anyone hurt her without dying first. They know Hamid is still out there and I hope they are careful. His little girlfriend should get the boot. Her father doesn't seem like the kind of man who will play with his daughter's life. Sooner or later she will be revealed as a traitor. Great story!
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Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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It's going to get thick here, as the players begin to jockey for position. Thanks so much for the great comments and review.
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It's going to get thick here, as the players begin to jockey for position. Thanks so much for the great comments and review.
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Can't wait to see what you have planned.
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Hamid just might overstep his bounds, for sure. The characters are running amok! I gotta rein them in. Thanks so much for the fine comments and review.
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Can't wait to see what you have planned for him.
Comment from nor84
they'd never find her here. And if she dressed in Muslim garb, as she mostly likely would, she could stand right next to him and he'd never know it. >>>Not an error, just a close repeat of "never".
Greetings Mussah(.) (H)ope all is
I love you(.)
Hamid
beware of 'very'. It's one of 'those' words that's usually unnecessary. If something's unique, it's unique. It can't be less than that. Same with 'intuitive' -- one either is or isn't that way.
Map Quest search
Usually, papa isn't capitalized when preceded by 'my'
Within a ten second (ten-second)glance
No surprise you love him so much. He has so much>>>close repeat of 'so much'.
So, how many brothers do we have, not counting Hamid the Horrible(?)"
Good job. Couple of nits.
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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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they'd never find her here. And if she dressed in Muslim garb, as she mostly likely would, she could stand right next to him and he'd never know it. >>>Not an error, just a close repeat of "never".
Greetings Mussah(.) (H)ope all is
I love you(.)
Hamid
beware of 'very'. It's one of 'those' words that's usually unnecessary. If something's unique, it's unique. It can't be less than that. Same with 'intuitive' -- one either is or isn't that way.
Map Quest search
Usually, papa isn't capitalized when preceded by 'my'
Within a ten second (ten-second)glance
No surprise you love him so much. He has so much>>>close repeat of 'so much'.
So, how many brothers do we have, not counting Hamid the Horrible(?)"
Good job. Couple of nits.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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Hey Sis! Well, you've found all my pet sins. I know it when I type 'ly' but I do it! Same with very. Right about capping papa when preceded by 'my' I've just gotta give you a thumb!
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Hey Sis! Well, you've found all my pet sins. I know it when I type 'ly' but I do it! Same with very. Right about capping papa when preceded by 'my' I've just gotta give you a thumb!
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Hey Sis! Well, you've found all my pet sins. I know it when I type 'ly' but I do it! Same with very. Right about capping papa when preceded by 'my' I've just gotta give you a thumb!Hugs,
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er - que passo?
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Thanks for the thumb! See, certain things just jump off a page at me (except, of course, for my own mistakes!) I just reviewed Rita, and she had wandering quote marks, LOL.
