Put Into Words
Naani23 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
I love the false impression of 'just'. As if, right?
Steve, you know I'm no poet, so take this with a grain of salt. I think using the word 'undefinable' dilutes your message. I mean, that is your message, right?
An old writing mentor of mine used to say, 'Never show a whale and call it a whale.' It took me years to figure out what the hell he meant.
Anyway, when you use 'undefinable', you rob me of the pleasure of reaching that conclusion myself.
I hope this makes sense, my friend. If not, hit delete.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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I love the false impression of 'just'. As if, right?
Steve, you know I'm no poet, so take this with a grain of salt. I think using the word 'undefinable' dilutes your message. I mean, that is your message, right?
An old writing mentor of mine used to say, 'Never show a whale and call it a whale.' It took me years to figure out what the hell he meant.
Anyway, when you use 'undefinable', you rob me of the pleasure of reaching that conclusion myself.
I hope this makes sense, my friend. If not, hit delete.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2014
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I know exactly what you mean and I'm pondering on it!
I have no idea how to write one of these damn things and I doubt if anybody does - 'indefinable' was the first word to come to mind when I looked at the 'how to write a naani' instructions. The examples they give appear to have been translated, don't make any sense and break their own syllable-count rules!
I set off to write one that conveyed that without actually saying, 'this form of poetry is a joke' and then it morphed into something else so I guess I could get rid of the word itself now.
I may re-jig the whole thing before closing time.
Steve
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I'd probably be excommunicated from FanStory if word got out, but I've given up on undertanding 'forms'. People talk about them endlessly, and I nod my head convincely. Then I read the words. I'm a simpleton.
I know this is crass request, Steve, but I've got a short story that's mired with 25 reviews. It's called Boomer. Would you lose all respect for me (should you have any), and do me the honor of lifting the story over the proverbial hump?
Comment from healfromwithin
I liked your picture. The syllable count was within range of your contest guidelines. There seemed to be quite a lot of filler words; also, I felt you were "telling" instead of "showing" - put into words, indefinable, joy. Better to actually SAY/DESCRIBE these things than to gloss over them. Try to put some "meat" into the piece; the idea/subject is sound.
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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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I liked your picture. The syllable count was within range of your contest guidelines. There seemed to be quite a lot of filler words; also, I felt you were "telling" instead of "showing" - put into words, indefinable, joy. Better to actually SAY/DESCRIBE these things than to gloss over them. Try to put some "meat" into the piece; the idea/subject is sound.
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Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thanks for reviewing and for the suggestions.
Steve
Comment from CR Delport
Somethings, even for a writer or poet, is difficult to put into words. Sometimes you need images to do it justice. This is very well done.
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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Somethings, even for a writer or poet, is difficult to put into words. Sometimes you need images to do it justice. This is very well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thank you.
Steve
