Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Prayers and Departures"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
18 total reviews
Comment from ragamuffin
It does make one wonder what will remain and for how long after "the end." We're all "going out" one way or another. Would be nice if more people would try to leave a legacy of compassion rather than trying to save their own skin or dominate what's left.
  |
It does make one wonder what will remain and for how long after "the end." We're all "going out" one way or another. Would be nice if more people would try to leave a legacy of compassion rather than trying to save their own skin or dominate what's left.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2014
Comment from Michaelk
You've got quite the foreshadowing going on. Making it sound like Johnny is going to die. Sorry I didn't review the last few chapters, trying to catch up.
|
You've got quite the foreshadowing going on. Making it sound like Johnny is going to die. Sorry I didn't review the last few chapters, trying to catch up.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2014
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I thought, while I'm on line, I'll take a look
at your chapters and must say, you should be at
the top - no one - you're a real natural -
most impressive.
Margaret
|
I thought, while I'm on line, I'll take a look
at your chapters and must say, you should be at
the top - no one - you're a real natural -
most impressive.
Margaret
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, it sounds to me like there are potential converts on the ships. That would solve a lot if they defected in mass and the Napoleanic generals would be outnumbered. Interesting dilemma. Loved the humor with Rhonda. Good drama building. :0 GracieAnn
|
Mikey, it sounds to me like there are potential converts on the ships. That would solve a lot if they defected in mass and the Napoleanic generals would be outnumbered. Interesting dilemma. Loved the humor with Rhonda. Good drama building. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from seaglass
The man in the moon at so would object many invading. Gonna have to see it through. it's getting suspenseful now and something has to transpire so Johnny and Christine live happy ever after. Rhonda is a particularly real character to me. Special needs people want everyone to obey the rules, once they learn them.
|
The man in the moon at so would object many invading. Gonna have to see it through. it's getting suspenseful now and something has to transpire so Johnny and Christine live happy ever after. Rhonda is a particularly real character to me. Special needs people want everyone to obey the rules, once they learn them.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
Comment from ravenblack
Maybe it will take a global disaster for folks to just set aside thinking as a world divided, as nothing but servants of national interest, to realize that we are just one human family. In other words, I have a hunch as to what will happen to Johnny and co. next...but won't spill the beans.
|
Maybe it will take a global disaster for folks to just set aside thinking as a world divided, as nothing but servants of national interest, to realize that we are just one human family. In other words, I have a hunch as to what will happen to Johnny and co. next...but won't spill the beans.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
Comment from nor84
In the 5th paragraph, I see 'guides', 'guiding' and 'guidance' and many sentences (7?) starting 'We'. You might want to look at that area.
even as we meet here at this moment>>>I suggest either 'even as we meet here' OR even at this moment' -- both phrases not needed.
You're supposed to wait until they're done with they're (their)talking and then you can start you're (your)talking.>>>tsk, tsk, Mikey.
We could very well die on that beach(,) never knowing.
Good job, except that 'their/your' thing.
|
In the 5th paragraph, I see 'guides', 'guiding' and 'guidance' and many sentences (7?) starting 'We'. You might want to look at that area.
even as we meet here at this moment>>>I suggest either 'even as we meet here' OR even at this moment' -- both phrases not needed.
You're supposed to wait until they're done with they're (their)talking and then you can start you're (your)talking.>>>tsk, tsk, Mikey.
We could very well die on that beach(,) never knowing.
Good job, except that 'their/your' thing.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
I don't know if that would be a good idea? Jumping into the battle. For a minute, I thought there was gonna be some red hot chick action! Do you think of these things? (humor) Any red blooded straight American would. You are moving along. I wonder about all of them explosions. Yikes! I would hide in them darn catacombs like the Japs did. Took flamethrowers to get them Japs out of them foxholes, Iowa Jima. I didn't forget, been doing laundry all fracking day and other miscelaneous chores. I didn't see Rickey today. Probably relusing in his pee wee tent and giving out merit badges. Yaw hurting if you think he is the savior.
|
I don't know if that would be a good idea? Jumping into the battle. For a minute, I thought there was gonna be some red hot chick action! Do you think of these things? (humor) Any red blooded straight American would. You are moving along. I wonder about all of them explosions. Yikes! I would hide in them darn catacombs like the Japs did. Took flamethrowers to get them Japs out of them foxholes, Iowa Jima. I didn't forget, been doing laundry all fracking day and other miscelaneous chores. I didn't see Rickey today. Probably relusing in his pee wee tent and giving out merit badges. Yaw hurting if you think he is the savior.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
Comment from Tatarka2
I have to tell you I wasn't too keen on the opening tribute to Christine. You make her sound like Superwoman, or maybe somehow partly divine. It strains credulity; leave it out. The rest of it is becoming very exciting (again, I think it could be so much more powerful as a movie -- can you imagine?) Be careful you don't write yourself into a corner here. So far, you've handled the social commentary with discretion, I think, so the reader isn't hammered with it, which is important. Sorry, I don't know what happens next. The only thing that comes to my mind is that old quote that "the enemy is us."
|
I have to tell you I wasn't too keen on the opening tribute to Christine. You make her sound like Superwoman, or maybe somehow partly divine. It strains credulity; leave it out. The rest of it is becoming very exciting (again, I think it could be so much more powerful as a movie -- can you imagine?) Be careful you don't write yourself into a corner here. So far, you've handled the social commentary with discretion, I think, so the reader isn't hammered with it, which is important. Sorry, I don't know what happens next. The only thing that comes to my mind is that old quote that "the enemy is us."
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
Comment from Sasha
This deserves a 6 star rating, but as usual, I am out. Marvelous speech and Christine's prayer nearly brought tears to my eyes. I like Johnny turning this into a rescue mission but wonder if the hostages can break away from their captors? It is a case of do or die...I do hope this has a happy ending...please!
|
This deserves a 6 star rating, but as usual, I am out. Marvelous speech and Christine's prayer nearly brought tears to my eyes. I like Johnny turning this into a rescue mission but wonder if the hostages can break away from their captors? It is a case of do or die...I do hope this has a happy ending...please!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2014
