You have a friend
a slightly modified Octogram163 total reviews
Comment from Chris Petersen
Hi Brooke,
As a horticulturist I find your opening line to the second stanza oxymoronic, as a flower is a bloom.
You may wish to consider:
If your buds droop before they bloom; I'll help you mend.
Also instead of making their song end, you could simply re-tune it (repair) by changing "I'll make them end" to "I'll make that end".
These are merely suggestions that I feel may improve what I think is an awesome write as is. Chris.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Hi Brooke,
As a horticulturist I find your opening line to the second stanza oxymoronic, as a flower is a bloom.
You may wish to consider:
If your buds droop before they bloom; I'll help you mend.
Also instead of making their song end, you could simply re-tune it (repair) by changing "I'll make them end" to "I'll make that end".
These are merely suggestions that I feel may improve what I think is an awesome write as is. Chris.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thank you, Chris, for your thoughtful feedback. I think it's common parlance to refer to flowers blooming even if it's not scientifically accurate. I checked with Goggle where there are many instances of people talking about things like what month certain flowers bloom. I very much appreciate your taking the time to make suggestions. Brooke
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is lovely, Brooke, it matches Sawyers tired look. It must be quite a while now since you were with him, will you be having another visit soon? It is so hard on us Grans when we can't have a real hug. Your poetry is always full of love for this young man. ~Another lovely one. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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This is lovely, Brooke, it matches Sawyers tired look. It must be quite a while now since you were with him, will you be having another visit soon? It is so hard on us Grans when we can't have a real hug. Your poetry is always full of love for this young man. ~Another lovely one. :) Sandra
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Thanks so much, Sandra. I don't know when I'll see him next. I was just talking to him on the phone, though :-) He sang part of Katy Perry's Eye of the Tiger for me. LOL Brooke
Comment from gazzagodbod
i know this pain i remember letting my balloon go so well and my bottom lip still quivers sigh love your poem xxxgazzagodbodxxx
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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i know this pain i remember letting my balloon go so well and my bottom lip still quivers sigh love your poem xxxgazzagodbodxxx
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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gazza, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from DR DIP
Brooke there is so much a song in this its not funny beautiful flow and with a bit of tweaking with a definite chorus ..James Taylor eat your heart out...
you 've got a friend! lol
only thing I would of done as it stands as a poem in verse is make it 4 line verse that way the longer "second" verse if separated, sort of becomes the "bridge" well I think that's what they call it. you have a really lovely flow with your poems. your message is simple not too metaphoric or cryptic and you can understand where you are coming from in one read and that's not pissing in ya pocket like everyone else does to gain your valuable member dollars this is from dips heart ok? lol
dip
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Brooke there is so much a song in this its not funny beautiful flow and with a bit of tweaking with a definite chorus ..James Taylor eat your heart out...
you 've got a friend! lol
only thing I would of done as it stands as a poem in verse is make it 4 line verse that way the longer "second" verse if separated, sort of becomes the "bridge" well I think that's what they call it. you have a really lovely flow with your poems. your message is simple not too metaphoric or cryptic and you can understand where you are coming from in one read and that's not pissing in ya pocket like everyone else does to gain your valuable member dollars this is from dips heart ok? lol
dip
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Dip, thank you :-) I always appreciate your feedback :-) Brooke
Comment from rouskin
Very enjoyable read There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship:On this you always can depend --
You have a friend.
Blessings, Rouskin
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Very enjoyable read There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship:On this you always can depend --
You have a friend.
Blessings, Rouskin
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Rouskin, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from nomi338
Imagine me paying humble homage to you. This poem proves as conclusively as is possible that you are a master writer / crafter / creator of some of the world's most beautiful poetry. The gorgeous photo of Sawyer when used with this delightful poem makes this poem exquisite. Wonderful work Brooke Baldwin, Writer extraordinaire!
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Imagine me paying humble homage to you. This poem proves as conclusively as is possible that you are a master writer / crafter / creator of some of the world's most beautiful poetry. The gorgeous photo of Sawyer when used with this delightful poem makes this poem exquisite. Wonderful work Brooke Baldwin, Writer extraordinaire!
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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nomi, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from mermaids
I like the rhyming of moon and balloon. This is a challenging form to write but you do it beautifully here. The words sound like a small child giving comfort. Your flow of lines have an almost musical quality to them.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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I like the rhyming of moon and balloon. This is a challenging form to write but you do it beautifully here. The words sound like a small child giving comfort. Your flow of lines have an almost musical quality to them.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Elaine, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from loibeth
Great poem with wonderful rhymes, etc! Love it!
I thought your poem would be about Sawyer's friend, his Blankie, when I saw his picture. You should write one!
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Great poem with wonderful rhymes, etc! Love it!
I thought your poem would be about Sawyer's friend, his Blankie, when I saw his picture. You should write one!
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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loibeth, thank you so very much :-) Brooke
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is yet another interesting poem from the author with Sawyer at the heart of this piece of writing. The picture is fantastic and the words add to the experience for the reader.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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This is yet another interesting poem from the author with Sawyer at the heart of this piece of writing. The picture is fantastic and the words add to the experience for the reader.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Tomes, thank you so much :-) Brooke
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My pleasure
Comment from Enrique28
and should a cloud conceal the moon
I've light to lend.
A clever way of saying, I'll be there to brighten your life.
It reads and sounds wonderfully poetic, and it rhymes superbly. Love your presentation! Enrique
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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and should a cloud conceal the moon
I've light to lend.
A clever way of saying, I'll be there to brighten your life.
It reads and sounds wonderfully poetic, and it rhymes superbly. Love your presentation! Enrique
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Enrique, thank you so much :-) Brooke
