Writing Prompt Entries 2014
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Unstuck (A Fairy Tale)"The clue is in the title!
17 total reviews
Comment from Karen B.
This is cute and well written, and I especially love that it has a happy ending. Glad you got UN-stuck. :) Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2014
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This is cute and well written, and I especially love that it has a happy ending. Glad you got UN-stuck. :) Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 03-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2014
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Hi Karen and thank you so much for your lovely feedback. I'm glad too.... I'm stuck with the right man now, or is he stuck with me?! lol! Thank you also for your good luck wishes. I appreciate it! Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment from Linda Engel
I've been there. When everything and everyone comes before you, the wife. And he wondered why I divorced him! good for you and I'm happy for you. nicely written. good rhyme
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2014
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I've been there. When everything and everyone comes before you, the wife. And he wondered why I divorced him! good for you and I'm happy for you. nicely written. good rhyme
Comment Written 03-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much Linda for your empathetic feedback! I appreciate your great comments. Kindest regards, Debra :)
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you are welcomed. good luck in the contest
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thank you! :)
Comment from ennahanid
This is a fabulous 'ball and chain' story you gave us here and you found just the right picture to headline your words nicely. I wish you luck and glad you are no longer chained - Dinah
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2014
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This is a fabulous 'ball and chain' story you gave us here and you found just the right picture to headline your words nicely. I wish you luck and glad you are no longer chained - Dinah
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2014
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Me too Dinah! Thank you for your great feedback and good luck wishes! I appreciate both, kindest regards as always, Debra :)
Comment from Domino 2
It's great when we learn from our romantic mistakes in time, Debs, as you did, and you have deservedly found happiness - despite Mum-in-law. LOL!
Hey, you even use to have an alliterated maiden name, so you had to be a poet in the making. :-)
Very sweet tale of finding happiness with the right person.
Bye the way, I know your ex - he turned out to hate footie, always puts his lady first, and he won the lottery last week. Haha.
Cheers, Ted
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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It's great when we learn from our romantic mistakes in time, Debs, as you did, and you have deservedly found happiness - despite Mum-in-law. LOL!
Hey, you even use to have an alliterated maiden name, so you had to be a poet in the making. :-)
Very sweet tale of finding happiness with the right person.
Bye the way, I know your ex - he turned out to hate footie, always puts his lady first, and he won the lottery last week. Haha.
Cheers, Ted
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Lol ted, that would just be my luck! Thanks for the great feedback, love debs x
Comment from misscookie
You had my attention from the stay.
This is very cute indeed.
I love when fairy tales have a happy ending.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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You had my attention from the stay.
This is very cute indeed.
I love when fairy tales have a happy ending.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thank you Misscookie for your lovely feedback. Kindest regards as always, Debra :)
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Your very welcome. Until next time. Take care.
Comment from Leineco
Long stories are great - but the tale comes through loud and clear :-)
I suspect the details could fill a novelette (at the very least LOL) - but
I was quite happy with this version, filling in the salient details imaginatively - including frying pans and stiletto heels LOL
Seriously though. . . well done :-)
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Long stories are great - but the tale comes through loud and clear :-)
I suspect the details could fill a novelette (at the very least LOL) - but
I was quite happy with this version, filling in the salient details imaginatively - including frying pans and stiletto heels LOL
Seriously though. . . well done :-)
Comment Written 02-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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LOL! Thanks lorraine.... yep, the football I could handle but when I caught him wearing my stilettos, he felt the back of the frying pan on the top of his head! Debs x
Comment from MizKat
Hi Debra,
This is a darling little poem about being stuck with someone who had you tied to him with a ball and chain. I know you're much happier now.
MizKat
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Hi Debra,
This is a darling little poem about being stuck with someone who had you tied to him with a ball and chain. I know you're much happier now.
MizKat
Comment Written 01-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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I sure am! Thanks for your lovely feedback MizKat :)
Comment from Lulube
Good thing your notes, the green uniform clothing your knight in polyester, I thought was the opposing soccer team and you showed him (your hubby at that time)a thing about soccer. lol
cute little story
good luck in the contest
lulube
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Good thing your notes, the green uniform clothing your knight in polyester, I thought was the opposing soccer team and you showed him (your hubby at that time)a thing about soccer. lol
cute little story
good luck in the contest
lulube
Comment Written 01-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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LOL! I love how your mind works Lulube, that would've shown him huh?!
Thanks for the good luck wishes! Debs :)
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welcome Debra
lulube
Comment from rama devi
Thanks for sharing your story. This is a good entry for the contest. Great rhymes! Good flow. Great internal rhyme and slant rhyme in line two with name, came and chain; and later with best and interest---though it is weakened, ever so slightly, by the use of best again as end-rhyme in the next line after it is an internal rhyme:
I did my very best to please him, keep his interest,
but soccer was his one true love and I was second best.
Not sure how to remedy that, as second best fits well as an end rhyme. Here's an idea, though, off the top of my head---which changes the meaning slightly but keeps the flavor and alleviates that weak point of repeating best twice in a row:
I did my very best to please him, keep his interest,
but soccer was his one true love and I was second guessed.
Nice closing twist...a positive high note to end on:
My hero in green uniform showed up and made things right,
unstuck me from my rut and now I'm Mrs Debra White!
Good presentation with the ball an chain pic.
Lots of Love,
rd
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thanks for sharing your story. This is a good entry for the contest. Great rhymes! Good flow. Great internal rhyme and slant rhyme in line two with name, came and chain; and later with best and interest---though it is weakened, ever so slightly, by the use of best again as end-rhyme in the next line after it is an internal rhyme:
I did my very best to please him, keep his interest,
but soccer was his one true love and I was second best.
Not sure how to remedy that, as second best fits well as an end rhyme. Here's an idea, though, off the top of my head---which changes the meaning slightly but keeps the flavor and alleviates that weak point of repeating best twice in a row:
I did my very best to please him, keep his interest,
but soccer was his one true love and I was second guessed.
Nice closing twist...a positive high note to end on:
My hero in green uniform showed up and made things right,
unstuck me from my rut and now I'm Mrs Debra White!
Good presentation with the ball an chain pic.
Lots of Love,
rd
Comment Written 01-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Hi rama :) Thank you for your great review... on the back of your suggestion, I came up with this;
'I tried so hard to please him, tried to keep his interest,
but soccer was his one true love and I was second best.'
I know I now have 2 'tried's in the same line but I think it compounds that I did indeed try, LOL. What do you think??
Kindest regards as always, Debra :) x
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That's a good line, but I think it would work better without using tried twice...just for a smoother flow:
'I tried so hard to please him and to keep his interest,
But using it twice does indeed accentuate the try and try again flavor. :)
Either way is fine.
Kindest Regards to you too
rd
Comment from krys123
Debra, I enjoyed you tale of your new life's beginnings very much. I found it very illuminating, creative and resourceful for you to write such an inspirational and enlightening poem.
It's like he was a brave knight who swept you up from and even Dragon And whisked you away. Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for everyone and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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Debra, I enjoyed you tale of your new life's beginnings very much. I found it very illuminating, creative and resourceful for you to write such an inspirational and enlightening poem.
It's like he was a brave knight who swept you up from and even Dragon And whisked you away. Thank you so much for sharing and posting this for everyone and may the Lord be with you always.
Alex
Comment Written 01-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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Hi Alex :) Thanks for your lovely feedback! It was a rescue of sorts although the 'evil dragon' didn't put up much of a fight, he kind of just accepted the damsel in distress was out of there LOL! Kindest regards as always, Debra
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Debra, you are so sincerely welcome.
Cheers
Alex
