Face Off
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Got it handled"A Whole New Identity
15 total reviews
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Oh, this is a good chapter, Gayle. It is fast paced, full of 'breath-holding' action, and the interaction between characters is excellent. As always, the dialogue is real, not forced.
This chapter tells us quite a lot, or rather, it reinforces things we should have picked up on in the first few chapters. Julia and Brad easily worked as though trained assassins - which indeed, Brad was. Once they return home, we see that killing Ari was not troublesome for either. They relaxed and were quite at ease with the whole situation. We see that blood really isn't thicker than water when Hamid agrees to kill his sister for Ari.
I think it ironic that she kills her husband which ends Hali's old life, and she then accepts a marriage proposal that starts Julia's new life, both in the same day.
The chapters ahead are going to be quite intriguing now that Hamid knows of his sister's whereabouts. She made a clean getaway from shooting Ari, so now he has to search her out.
Overall, an excellent write. Well deserving of six stars. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Suz
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2014
  |
Oh, this is a good chapter, Gayle. It is fast paced, full of 'breath-holding' action, and the interaction between characters is excellent. As always, the dialogue is real, not forced.
This chapter tells us quite a lot, or rather, it reinforces things we should have picked up on in the first few chapters. Julia and Brad easily worked as though trained assassins - which indeed, Brad was. Once they return home, we see that killing Ari was not troublesome for either. They relaxed and were quite at ease with the whole situation. We see that blood really isn't thicker than water when Hamid agrees to kill his sister for Ari.
I think it ironic that she kills her husband which ends Hali's old life, and she then accepts a marriage proposal that starts Julia's new life, both in the same day.
The chapters ahead are going to be quite intriguing now that Hamid knows of his sister's whereabouts. She made a clean getaway from shooting Ari, so now he has to search her out.
Overall, an excellent write. Well deserving of six stars. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Suz
Comment Written 29-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2014
-
Oh, they're a cold blooded pair in many ways, which is hard to portray and yet keep them as positive figures to the reader - thin line, my friend. Say, when this is done, would you like to edit this for me before we go to print?
I hope you say yes. I think you're really 'there' with me, feel me vibe, all that, and will cross fingers. Coin of the realm involved!
Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle
-
What an honor to be asked to edit your story! Hop over to your pm - I have a couple of questions.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am wondering if Ari will live, but even if he doesn't Hamid will try to kill Julia and he knows she's alive.
Can't wait for more.
holding hands and watching the moon play games with the clouds. (I like this description)
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2014
 |
I am wondering if Ari will live, but even if he doesn't Hamid will try to kill Julia and he knows she's alive.
Can't wait for more.
holding hands and watching the moon play games with the clouds. (I like this description)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2014
-
Oh Barb, Ari's a goner. Small loss, lol! And now Hamid the Horrible has seen her. Now the real fun begins!
Hugs and thanks for the fine comments,
gayle
Comment from rwilliam
He turned to the men closest to him and took charge. "We need a taxi. Call one right away!"--the part 'call one right away'..bothers me for some reason. Doesn't sound 'manly' or fitting for the moment. Maybe try: "Get us one, now!" or Call for a Taxi, now!" I don't know, just a thought.
Great chapter! Good work.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2014
|
He turned to the men closest to him and took charge. "We need a taxi. Call one right away!"--the part 'call one right away'..bothers me for some reason. Doesn't sound 'manly' or fitting for the moment. Maybe try: "Get us one, now!" or Call for a Taxi, now!" I don't know, just a thought.
Great chapter! Good work.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2014
-
Hey Rebecca, thanks for the super duper comments and fine review. It's so appreciated!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from TervLass
Nice transition to Hamid's pov; it's an effective means of picking up from where Ari fell. Likewise, it is not unexpected that Hamid would recognize any telltale nuance that could cue him to recognize Julia, so that hook works well to push the story forward.
I found it interesting that Hamid's response to Ari was that he'd find Julia, even if it took,"...every last cent". Not that he'd do so if it were, "the last thing" he'd do, but if it took his, "last cent".
Also, I still occasionally must remind myself that both Julia and Brad are neither new nor terribly perturbed working within a violent setting. Their casual relaxation after returning home quietly highlights that point, without making it an issue. Simply a fact readers must digest as they will. Nevertheless, I continue to root for these two as Brad asks Julia to marry him.
This is a good, solid chapter, with action points spinning outward. I look forward to the eventual reveal.
Cheers,
Helen (TervLass)
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2014
|
Nice transition to Hamid's pov; it's an effective means of picking up from where Ari fell. Likewise, it is not unexpected that Hamid would recognize any telltale nuance that could cue him to recognize Julia, so that hook works well to push the story forward.
I found it interesting that Hamid's response to Ari was that he'd find Julia, even if it took,"...every last cent". Not that he'd do so if it were, "the last thing" he'd do, but if it took his, "last cent".
Also, I still occasionally must remind myself that both Julia and Brad are neither new nor terribly perturbed working within a violent setting. Their casual relaxation after returning home quietly highlights that point, without making it an issue. Simply a fact readers must digest as they will. Nevertheless, I continue to root for these two as Brad asks Julia to marry him.
This is a good, solid chapter, with action points spinning outward. I look forward to the eventual reveal.
Cheers,
Helen (TervLass)
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2014
-
Hey Helen, did you read 'I Want To Do It'? I had it in a contest and couldn't addit to the book until the contest ended and I got this chapter in first. In the book, the order is reversed from here.
Okay, that 'every last cent' is to reinforce on Ari that Hamid's broke. Especially since Ari's brother is there to hear. He needs Ari to fund this, or he won't be able to afford a Hollywood flophouse, lol. Now we wait for the brother's decision. Only the two of them heard that.
I'm duly cautioned regarding the callus disregard Julia has for killing Ari. When I go back and fill in another 40K words, lol, I'm going to explore in depth what Hali suffered, the agonies she went through and which I just haven't shown yet, and hopefully I'll have made her so acceptable and so good a friend that all the readers will give here the benefit.
Wait until we let the dogs out, lol.
Always so good to see you, Helen, and I'm so grateful for your input and steady support! You rock!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh, this chapter was incredibly romantic and full of dramatic innuendo. As I read I continued to be hungry for more. These two make the perfect couple Giddy.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
|
Oh, this chapter was incredibly romantic and full of dramatic innuendo. As I read I continued to be hungry for more. These two make the perfect couple Giddy.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
-
Hey Giddy, thanks so much for the great comments. I'm glad you liked this one, for sure. Good to know what Julia looks like, isn't it? Brad is next.
Hugs and thanks,
Gayle
Comment from lindalcreel
I wonder if her brother got a good look at Julia, and if Ari will survive the gunshot wound. I have a feeling her and Brad aren't out of danger yet. It would have been nice if the ambulance attendants dropped his body off somewhere and let him bleed out slowly. LOL Just thinking out loud.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
|
I wonder if her brother got a good look at Julia, and if Ari will survive the gunshot wound. I have a feeling her and Brad aren't out of danger yet. It would have been nice if the ambulance attendants dropped his body off somewhere and let him bleed out slowly. LOL Just thinking out loud.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
-
You aren't the only one who'd love to see his body come bursting out of the back of the ambulance as they skid around a corner. It even appealed to me, but we gotta get this dude down and done. Already too many folks hanging out in the wind.
Thanks, Linda, for the great comments. Made me checkle!
Hugs,
Gayle
-
You're so welcome. I guess some minds think alike. LOL
Comment from shelley kaye
i think this chapters 25 and 26 should be switched. have julia's chapter 25, then go to the beginning of this chapter, then make the end of this one a new chapter, then go back to ari in the next chapter
so it'd be....
- julia and brad - where julia gets ari - what she whispers at the end of the chapter
- then ari's side of the above
- then back to julia and brad in the condo (and you may want to flesh out the walk back to the condo a little, because it seems to go waaaay too fast)
- then back to ari in the hospital
hope that's understandable lol
notice a couple spaggies.... missing a comma and a period in this sentence....
One woman gave a sharp cry, turned on her heel[,] and grabbing the two children behind her, pulled them to her ample bosom in a combination of fear and protection[.]
anyway, great chapter! thanx for sharing! :-)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
|
i think this chapters 25 and 26 should be switched. have julia's chapter 25, then go to the beginning of this chapter, then make the end of this one a new chapter, then go back to ari in the next chapter
so it'd be....
- julia and brad - where julia gets ari - what she whispers at the end of the chapter
- then ari's side of the above
- then back to julia and brad in the condo (and you may want to flesh out the walk back to the condo a little, because it seems to go waaaay too fast)
- then back to ari in the hospital
hope that's understandable lol
notice a couple spaggies.... missing a comma and a period in this sentence....
One woman gave a sharp cry, turned on her heel[,] and grabbing the two children behind her, pulled them to her ample bosom in a combination of fear and protection[.]
anyway, great chapter! thanx for sharing! :-)
Comment Written 27-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
-
Hey shell, yeah, it came from the contest thingy. I had that second chapter, with Hamid ready to go and accidently hit publish instead of hold. Then I forgot I could assign chapter numbers, but by that time, they'd both had reviews - OY, anyway, when you think about it, except for the prompt, which ends ch.24, it works okay. In the book, Julia's chapter goes first, lol.
Let me get that comma and period in there - hey! You're getting good at this!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from c_lucas
A vengeful relative can be a problem. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Good job.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
|
A vengeful relative can be a problem. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. Good job.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
-
Hey Charlie, thanks so much for the fine review!
Hugs,
Gayle
-
You're welcome, Gail. Charlie
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for another outstanding chapter with such an even balance of action and romance. This chapter will appeal to a large variety of readers of many interests. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
|
Thanks for another outstanding chapter with such an even balance of action and romance. This chapter will appeal to a large variety of readers of many interests. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 27-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
-
Hey Ric,
Well, the chapter in line after this, ch. 26, should actually be 25, but I had it in a contest and couldn't put it in the book until the contest ended. Actually the placement isn't too bad.
Thanks so much for the fine comments,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Norbanus
Way to go, Annabelle.
Even though Ari is on his way to claim his reward from Allah, my guess is that the action is just getting into full swing. Hamid will probably do something stupid and join Ari soon. Ari is dead isn't he?
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
|
Way to go, Annabelle.
Even though Ari is on his way to claim his reward from Allah, my guess is that the action is just getting into full swing. Hamid will probably do something stupid and join Ari soon. Ari is dead isn't he?
Comment Written 27-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2014
-
Hey Freddie! I've missed you! Hope all is well. Yes, we've dispatched Ari to his just rewards, lol, and now Hamid appears to want to see a little action. I know just who can give it to him!
Thanks for the great review, Freddie,
Hugs,
Annabelle
